Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Going Crazy - Day 26 (Month 1 of Trying)

I’m realizing that I’m kind of crazy
Does anyone else think this much?? Again, the reason why I write. I need to get it all out. And who wants to listen to me talk all the time about this stuff?

This is what I have for ya. Saturday I had an appointment to get a hitch on our new car. I’m excited because this means we’ll be taking our bikes somewhere COOL to ride other than the bike path down the way. Maybe even CAMP this summer!!!!! YIPPEEE. It’s a must. I think Jackson will love since he’s such a nature boy.

Anyway, as I’m waiting for my car (which was really nice – I actually made it through an entire magazine!) I started to feel gross again. Nauseous, light headed, dizzy. And then I became really hot. OK…my yellow winter coat was still on, but the last 10 days I’ve been freezing (yes, we were in a historic arctic blast. I get that.).  On the way home I decided to buy a home pregnancy test. Only after I paid $21.99 for THREE, I found out that the dollar store sells these and they are JUST as good. Oh…

I took the test at home. I was on day 24. Maybe too early? Not from what the box tells me though.
Results: NEGATIVE.

Looks like you'll have to wait another month.

Grrr. I remember with Jackson I peed and that stick changed the second it hit but I also took the test on day 29 or 30. Still, this tells me that I’m not, and all the things I’ve been feeling are in fact anxiety, which is CRAZY to me. Did you catch all that? In short, my brain is POWERFUL. Still, I can’t believe this though or accept it. Great.

I Google and it sounds like tons of women get the two lines (positive) even at three weeks. I can’t be then. Can I? I think back to my friend who a year ago emailed me on day 24 and took a test, negative.  But she swore she was. She had the symptoms. She took again on day 25—sometimes even taking the test twice—negative.  It wasn’t until day 28 when the two lines showed up. Is this normal!?!?! I can’t picture this happening to me. I feel like my body should know and it should show up already. However, I’m NOT taking another test until day 28 or 29. It’s like throwing $7 down the toilet if I take another! We’re on a tight budget here!

Seriously, I need to let this go.

So I still worked out. I ran my fastest mile yet (8:57). AND I burned close to 300 calories in 25 minutes doing stair stepper at level 12 and felt AMAZING afterwards. Sure, I was gasping for air more than normal, but I still did it. Granted, I’m in pretty good shape, but I can’t picture me doing these things if I was PG. I didn’t feel like passing out either.  So there’s that.

AND I got a killer headache yesterday. A clear sign my monthly visitor is coming. Right? OR it could be the fact that I can’t seem to drink coffee like I used to. Why? Karl told me it’s because the coffee has tasted gross. Oh. His simple explanations! He might be on to something since he brewed a different brand today and I drank a bunch. Now I’m on a caffeine high. Oops. Did I mention a cup of coffee to me is MAYBE 10 sips max? This drives Karl nuts. How can one be this hyper in the morning and not consume a lot of caffeine?  

OK. Back to the symptoms. There has been cramping.  I’m craving chocolate like crazy. BUT usually I’ll get a few Cyclops on my skin the week of my monthly visitor. Skin check: pretty clear… BUT we’ve been eating a lot of fish. I swear, the more often I eat fish, the better my skin looks. Again, could be in my messed up head.

I had these symptoms when I was PG with Jackson. I took Advil and Midol back then thinking my monthly visitor was coming because of the cramping. I wanted to stop the cramps before they became unbearable. I remember being VERY VERY VERY tired with him the week of finding out too, but I also played 8+ hours of volleyball in the HOT AUGUST SUN. I remember feeling like a truck hit me the next day. NOT feeling that this time… Or else it could be because I’m just used to that “tired” feeling chasing a toddler around???
The only odd thing is I’m sleeping AMAZING at night. And I’m having crazy weird dreams. Like Karl was trying to murder me by making these weird loud snoring noises. When I woke up, I realized he was snoring louder than he has ever snored. So weird how that all happens.

So yeah…now that I thought all this through, I pretty much thought my period was coming when I was pregnant with Jackson, so it’ll always be tough to know until I take a test, which I did. Hellloooo.
So basically I told myself I need to LET GO. God has a plan for us. He’ll know when the timing is right. We’re doing the work, but God knows best.  Right? It’s the only way!

I’m such a control freak though. Wow.

When did you find out you were PG? What day? 


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