This week has been a complete joy to be Jackson's mom. I feel like things are really starting to come together and I'm loving life so much. I feel like I look around and everything looks clearer...happier...fuller. Jackson's face lights up every time he sees me or I wake him, change him, hold him. And then he throws out this amazing smile. My heart melts into a pile of mush. Nothing seems to matter in my life except that sweet, genuine, pure smile! The best part is when he smiles at Karl and Karl lets out his contagious laugh and Jackson just stares and stares. I love how happy he makes Karl.
|My smiling little boy|
|Dad and Jackson time!|
Jackson has also become more observant. When we put him in his swing, he now recognizes there's a little mobile hanging over him. And he smiles, again!!!
|Jackson has discovered objects around him|
It seems like we're getting more of a routine. I feel like I'm starting to finally understand Jackson. When he gets fussy, I know if it's been 3 or 4 hours since his last feeding, he's probably hungry and I need to change his diaper first. If that's not it, he has an air bubble and he needs to be burped. If that's still not working, he wants his pacifier and to be swaddled. Still not and it's been over an hour since he finished eating? Then he's tired and we set him in his swing and he's out. So nuts. I'm worried I'm not going to know these cues anymore when I go back to work because I won't be around him as much. That kills me. However, I also have been better at taking each day as it is and accepting that no day is going to be the same. Jackson always throws surprises at us. Just when I think I have the hang of something, Jackson throws a curve ball. I know this will continue to happen and I really have to take things day by day or else I get very overwhelmed.
Jackson is sleeping anywhere from 4 to 6 hours a night. He naps in 3 to 4 hour shifts a few times throughout the day too. (I love him.) I was freaking out that he wouldn't sleep at night because he was sleeping so much through the day. Every time I go to sleep I wonder, "Will this be the night I only get two hours of sleep? Will the good sleep all end and will we be back at square one?"
Will this fear ever go away?
|Working at getting that tummy time in!|
I started working from home this week. I actually welcome the break from mom duty as Jackson sleeps so I can get some work done. I get to be creative and feel challenged and stay connected to adults. I like! When he goes down for his nap, I'm jumping on my laptop and trying to get as much done as I can for work. So far, so good. Yet, this kind of messes with visitors coming over since I only have a short amount of time to get everything in! And naps for me sometimes win over visiting right now. Sorry!
I'm not going to lie, this balancing takes some work. I have learned I just need to work faster at the house duties. I find myself doing dishes, reading recipes, starting laundry, emailing, paying bills, cleaning in super record time and all at once so I have time to give ALL my attention to Jackson when he's awake and ALL my attention to work when Jackson's sleeping and after I get my work around the house done. Phew. I was still able to fit in a nap yesterday too.
So I tried bringing up the idea of hiring a cleaning service when we were on a walk. Karl shot that down again. Darn it!!! So it's time to develop a responsibilities list so we can share duties from now on!! Or else, I'm going to have to start saving in a separate fund... Hmmm. Something to think about.
Karl came down with a pretty bad cold last Friday and was worried he'd pass it on to Jackson and me. As of yesterday, I came down with the same sore throat and have been taking all the vitamins and liquids I can to try and prevent myself from getting as bad as Karl was. I do NOT want to pass this on to Jackson. I'm hoping my breast milk keeps him immune. Please, oh, please. If he even gets a taste of this sore throat, he'll be crying 24/7. It cannot happen!!!
|Jackson has found his hands and arms and sucks!|
We gave Jackson some Little Remedies Gas Drops and they seemed to help with his gas. We were dealing with painful gas a lot week 5. After the gas drops, he didn't seem as fussy, but that could also be in my head?? I just hate seeing him cry in pain and wiggle those little legs of his. We figured out he drinks about four ounces of milk at a time. AND he still spits up about 1 or 2 ounces of it. I don't know how to fix this. I was able to weigh him at my Baby and Me class yesterday and he was 10.67 lbs!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! He's growing a little at a time at least! So I'm not going to worry about him spitting up. I think it's just normal for some babies.
Speaking of my Baby and Me class, I love it!!! I've been able to connect with a bunch of new moms in Shakopee and learn some cool calming techniques for Jackson. We sat on exercise balls with our babies to calm them. Karl tried it out last night and it worked like a charm. And we also set our babies down for massages. I think Jackson would've enjoyed it more if he hadn't soaked his entire outfit in pee!
Last weekend was wonderful because it was just us at home and a longer weekend. We were able to get a lot of stuff done (and get some extra sleep) - especially me because I had Karl spending time with Jackson. I even filed all my bills and put the pile of Jackson's keepsake stuff into some cute boxes! We love visitors, but it was SO nice to not have to worry about when someone was coming over and getting Jackson fed, ready, clean up around the house, etc., etc. We were able to nap and just relax. We also went to a local winery!! I really hope for more weekends like these! Things are starting to feel more normal.
What's new with me?
I had my six-week check up. I had to get the tetanus shot because whooping cough is going around and the nurse said I do NOT want Jackson to get this. Otherwise, all looks well and I got the go-ahead to work out. So guess what I did?
I met with my trainer (he was soooo sweet and gave me a free session). He held back on the intensity of the workouts, but I was pretty sore the next day. I'm excited to get in the gym a couple times a week to get my body back! I felt like I took a happy pill after working out again. I started thinking I could eat anything and everything because I'm breastfeeding. Wrong. I started gaining ... Oops.
I also played volleyball on Wednesday!! As in sand volleyball and it FELT SO GOOD to play!!! YAY!!! I'm back!!!
I still have major fears of going places because of Jackson's feeding schedule. I still have a hard time breastfeeding in public. I don't want to because I worry it makes everyone around me uncomfortable. So I feed Jackson at home, wait until he wets his diaper, change him and hurry out of the house and run errands in under 2 hours. Then make it back home so I'm ready to feed him when he wakes. Will this ever go away?? When will I be more open to feeding him in public? I know there is the bottle option, but when I pump, I want that liquid gold to follow him to day care. If I'm around him, I want to feed him. So yes, I need to get over this!
I also have major mom guilt. I know I'm supposed to put myself first, but it's soooo hard! I'm trying to do more "me" things, like volleyball and hitting up the gym but Jackson is ALWAYS in the back of my mind when I'm not around him. Should I be doing something with him? Should I be playing with him instead? I'm so worried how it'll be when I go back to work. I'll get maybe 2 hours with him after I get home. That's it. What if I want to play volleyball...then I won't get to see him at all for an entire day!! But I can't just not play volleyball. I find myself not wanting to do a lot of the things I used to do because I don't want to leave Jackson. Will this ever change??