I heard that all the time when I let the cat out of the bag that we were expecting number two.
I will say this. Going from no kids to one was 1000 times harder on me than going from one to two. No question about it.
|What? There's another one to take care of too??|
My brain is a bit on the mushy side. I can't read books out loud to Jackson without taking a second to re-read words and sentences because my brain can't keep up and I create my own words somehow. I have fallen asleep during prayers with Jackson. My husband swears he told me something that I have no recollection of at all. And when I walk into the kitchen, I don't even know why I'm in there, but am clearly on a mission. I can't remember anything.
|Tractor Man! Costume made by daddy!|
|Me and Nathan|
|Dad and his buddies|
|Trick or Treating at Jackson's old daycare|
|Trick or Treat with daddy|
|Our lil pumpkin|
The pace picks up tremendously with two. Yesterday was especially hard because I had both boys home. I was all by myself. Karl started to come down with something and Nathan decided to cluster feed at midnight. Now that was a long night. I went against all rules and let him sleep on me - skin to skin - just so I could get SOME sleep.
I was then bound to our couch all day. ALL DAY. I don't remember this happening with Jackson. I think when a growth spurt hit, he was eating every 2 hours instead of his usual 5, but Nathan was every 30 minutes. If I wasn't feeding him, he was screaming. So just as I finished, I'd burp him and try to set him down so I could play with Jackson and Nate was ready for more. It was crazy.
Jackson clearly needs to eat too. I need to eat. And we don't have a butler or maid here to make us anything. Darn. It's all on me. The house was loud yesterday.
Then came today. Karl decided he needed to get to a doctor right away. Me - alone with the boys again. AND off to a chiropractor appointment and Costco. Could I do it? There was no thinking. Only doing.
It took me 9 months to get Jackson in a shopping cart after he was born. Yeah. You read that right. Nine months. Nate has been everywhere since he was three days old.
Not only did we take him all the way back to my parent's house (4.5 hours away...which, by the way is more like 6.5 hours with a toddler and a newborn. P.S. Jackson pooped in a garbage can at some random park and I nursed in the front seat. I'll spare you the details of where I peed.)
|The drive always helps when you stop for ice cream|
Let me tell you, nursing in a Catholic church with family members walking by and your grandma's open casket facing you takes on a new meaning. Tears streaming, snot running into Nate's hair and my brain going...is Jackson knocking down candles? When do I have to bring up the communion? What if Nate cries? What if Jackson throws a tantrum? Why does my sweater keep riding up?
|My sweet grandpa after my grandma's funeral|
So what did I do? I cried. I did everything I told myself I didn't want to. I walked straight up to my grandpa and held him. We bawled. I hate crying in front of people. I like to look strong. But my heart can't stop what it feels anymore. And I just let it all out.
A proud grandma. And my grandpa made sure he told me when he was holding me. "Your grandma loved you so much."
That got me.
The whole day felt like I was in some kind of bubble. My family is known for celebrating. We drink. We dance. We laugh. We love. We have fun. This was a whole new setting for me.
The priest shared a great homily. And while he was speaking, the crappy cloudy day turned. The sun BLAZED through the stainglass window behind the body of Jesus on the cross when he mentioned my grandma's name and rainbows surrounded her coffin. It was quite beautiful.
Back to today... Karl was sent to the ER. Doctors thought he had an abscess tonsil. I was at the chiropractor with Nate and Jackson while Jackson was doing pullups on the office fish tank.
Then Jackson joined in on the loud screams and demanded a sucker. I did not have any suckers. I quickly got Nate on my boob. All the shoppers got a show. Too bad. Jackson won my cell phone so he could watch videos. Whew. Problem solved. Until the blowout hit.
Both boys happy.
I felt like I had climbed the world's largest mountain after that. I did it.
Every day feels like this incredible adventure with very little downtime right now. It's pretty wild. But I seem to run into enough people who remind me that it's not going to be like this forever. And after my grandma's funeral, I FEEL it too.