Travel Often

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.” — Rosalia de Castro

Love Deeply, but Laugh Along the Way

"Happiness is only real when shared." - Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

View Marriage as an Adventure

"Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage." ~Finnish Proverb

Fuel your body with GOOD (It's the only one you get)

He who has health has hope; and he who has hope has everything. - Arabian Proverb

Open your Soul to Motherhood

A Grand Adventure is About to Begin - Winnie the Pooh

A New Kind of Love is Born

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Welcome to the World Nathan Karl Koester

Second time IS the charm(er)

Saturday EARLY morning (sweetest day) I wake a few times to cramping.  I'm going on my second week of feeling like I'm getting my period and then nothing. Waved it off.

6:20 a.m. Jackson crawls into bed with us. He hasn't been up this early for weeks, maybe months. He snuggles in close to me and starts rubbing my back so sweetly. I wonder if he knows something I don't.  I remind Jackson I love him no matter what. He agrees.

Jackson wants to get changed and have breakfast.  Karl rolls over and starts playing with his phone. I jokingly (kind of) tell him he better enjoy these LAST moments of getting a few quiet moments to himself cuz it won't be happening anymore once baby comes.

We have breakfast.  I get some stomach pains and go to the bathroom (like I'm cleaning house....if you know what I mean) Sorry, TMI.

My uncle texts me that today is the day I'm going to welcome my son. I actually feel he is right but there's no way baby will come out of nowhere, right?

We decide to check out Zumbini class last minute. Something new! Jackson likes all the music and scarves and dancing. I do not like sitting and standing in repeat and the weird pulling feeling I'm getting down there. But I still swivel my hips and get down with the kids.

Our drive home and I notice more intense cramping.  Hmmm. It's also coming every 15-20 minutes. I think it'll go away. I start texting some friends if this is normal. They tell me I will know in an hour.

We have lunch. Cramping is stronger. Coming on every 10-15 minutes. But I still think it'll go away. Yet, my intuition takes over and I start packing bags and setting them by the door. Like a force takes over my body. All the while I'm laughing at myself.  What are you doing? You really think baby is coming?

Jackson goes down for his nap. Cramps could be turning into contractions.  I look at Karl. Mmm. These are stronger. 5 minutes.  7 minutes. 10 minutes. We watch CASTLE on DVR.  We look at eachother and say we will see eachother and our shows in another 2 years:)

Jackson gets up around 3:30. Contractions are for real. I'm writing them down. I'm still able to run up and down the stairs, wait on hold for the doctor, do dishes and play outside with Jackson. 

4:20 p.m. contractions are 3-5 minutes apart. We zip Jackson over to our friend's house cuz Karl's parents are at the cabin. I' m bawling when I see Jenna. I'm so very grateful for her. I have so many emotions. I feel bad we're leaving Jackson. I thank God for placing Jenna in my life. I don't trust just anyone. She is the real deal. And I know God was behind this friendship from the get go. So I cry in front of everyone.  Snot is going everywhere. Walk out and a contraction hits. I'm a mess.

Karl is hungry. I also know we won't eat for a long, long, time. We go through the drive thru at McDonald's.  I have two contractions while waiting for our food. I am NOT HUNGRY. I want to push. I know this isn't good. I feel the baby moving down. This can't be good.

Karl drives fast. Our exit is CLOSED. I have more contractions. I forget how bad these are.

The shakes hit. I know this can't be good at all. This happened 20 minutes before Jackson came. Out of control shakes.

Karl drops me off at the front of the ER. I can barely walk.  I sit on the bench and have a contraction. People are watching. I don't care. Karl asks to get a wheelchair.  I tell him let's just get checked in. I have two contractions while getting checked in. Karl grabs that wheelchair. I'm thankful.  Even more so that he knows how to operate it so quickly.  If it were me, I'd be confused.

A sweet front desk lady wheels us up to the birthing unit. I'm having flashbacks. THIS time the contractions feel like I have to push though and way stronger. I will DIE if they tell me I'm only dilated to a one like I was with Jackson. 

They wheel me to a room. Tell me to get undressed immediately.  They start transforming the room. Karl and I are looking at eachother.  This room transformation took an entire day last time. The room changes in minutes.  The nurse checks me. "You're at a 5."


The next two contractions hit. "I want to push," I say.

"Hmm. That can't be right. Let me check you again."

I HATE THESE CONTRACTIONS.  I want to throw up. "I need an epidural now! Please!!!"

The nurse checks me again. "You're at an 8."


"This baby is coming." Nurse gets in my face. "The anesthesiologist is 20 minutes away. I want you to be prepared for not getting the epidural."

I swear. And swear. And panic. There is no way. No way.

I tell my body to stop. I'm shaking all over the place. I can't have this baby without something. 

The anesthelogist arrives. There is NO time for a true epidural so I get the interfecal in my back.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

They lay me down. Doctor comes in. Not OUR doctor but at this point I don't care. She tells us she's going to change in her scrubs.

I tell the nurse I feel the urge to poop bad and push. I apologize for eating clean all week. Lots of good healthy fiber in my diet. She laughs. I also tell her she's pretty. She is!!!! She says we'll try a practice round. She tells me to start and immediately tells me to stop. She calls the doctor. I can tell something is up by the look on her face.

They wheel over the mirror. There I am for the world to see. And there is the head and tons of hair. Holy crap.

They tell me to push. There is Nathan. I cry because I can't even BELIEVE how this is going down. I can't believe what a miracle this is. I can't believe my body just did that. I can't believe Karl and I created such an amazing little boy. I can't believe how much I can love. I can't believe how GOOD I FEEL.


I FEEL AMAZING. Nathan is on my chest. No measuring. No weighing. Just me and Nate-Dawg and skin to skin. I nurse him. He latches like a stud. He poops on me like a stud. He is SO tiny!!!!!!! We really don't have a name at this time but I love him with everything I've got.

I feel like I could go running. Or go about life. I don't even know how. In a short bit, feeling comes back to my legs. I had a two-hour window of no pain and it worked. I walk around. Nate gets cleaned up.

7lbs 5 oz 20 inches. Brown wild hair, grayish blue eyes. AND DIMPLES.  HUGE DIMPLES.


I saw his penis immediately and didn't feel any different. I think I did think....well, no prom dress shopping for me, no wedding to plan... but I get this awesome life with THREE boys. The three sweetest boys in the world. Karl. Jackson and Nathan. I always loved hanging with my brothers and the guys in the neighborhood growing up. I kind of like boys a lot.

Jackson stood up on me the first time I held him. He wanted to get up and go and has been doing that ever since. Nate snuggled in deep and held on like a lil sweetheart.

And that's just what I plan to do. Snuggle in and hang on to this awesome life while I can. Cuz as tired as I am, I now know this time around this is all a phase. It goes FAST. It's going to be hard and trying and exhausting and I will cry. But we will get through it and all I will be left with are memories. So I might as well make the best of every second!!!!

Thank you ALL for the well wishes! More to come once life really begins back at home:) :) :)