Wednesday, April 9, 2014
I’m grumpy today. And it’s almost 70 out. What is my deal? I even went running over my lunch break hoping my endorphins would come out and play.
It all started last night. It was a great night to start. I was able to get my rings cleaned and my car washed. BONUS. AND I fixed up a super healthy dinner. I was feeling rather chipper. BUT Jackson walked in crying and my husband was in a foul mood and it carried over to me. Ever happen to you???
Drives me nuts when that happens. Negativity is SO toxic. I tried to stay positive, but the negativity won and carried over into MY day at work. Then everything fell apart. I only noticed the bad in everything. It was terrible.
I know I need to stop this domino effect. My mom reminded me that I can’t change anyone but myself. It’s true. I’ve always been determined and driven and high-energy and take initiative like nobody’s business and I think everyone should be like this.
Maybe my expectations are too high? I’ve been told that a few times.
My mom said that I can’t will someone to change. For example, someone who is drinking too much or does drugs or someone who should stop biting their nails. (Meaning me. My nails are STUBS!) THANKS MOM. True. True I have to be the one who WANTS to change, nobody can force me to. So I have to let it all go and focus on other things. SO HARD, especially when I am the type who wants to FIX everything.
Moving on to other things…
So I have gone running twice this week! Outside!!!! So lovely. That must mean SOME energy is coming back. Tomorrow we go in for our 12-week appointment and I’m thinking we’ll hear the heartbeat. YAY! Wonder what Jackson will think?
Otherwise, I’m still pretty tired. Once the weekends come, I have to take naps. I can barely keep my eyes open. And this is hard for me. I feel like I’m wasting time taking these naps, but I have accepted this is just how things have to be right now or else NOTHING would get done.
I also had breakfast with the pastor who married us on Monday morning. We hadn’t seen each other since before Jackson was born. WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! We had the usual – banana pancakes and eggs Maxwell – and picked up exactly where we left off. He is so wonderful. HE simply CARES and LISTENS. I love this. He automatically asked how I was doing without my big brother around. HE GETS IT. He GETS ME. I miss him. I miss his sermons. I miss how he gets me thinking about the greater things in life.
Stomach is growing for sure. I THINK I might have gained like 8 pounds. I hit 150 already. WHOA. SLOW DOWN. It’ll be more tomorrow too because I will be weighing myself in the afternoon. Oh well.
That’s about it. Jackson’s 2nd Bday Party is this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t even believe it. Also, to make you moms all feel better, I have not one single balloon, cake, plate or present bought. It’s pretty much going to be my parents, Karl’s parents/family. SMALL. Unlike last year’s 75+ peopleJ We’re still trying to come down from that INSANE party. Basically, he’s TWO. Do you remember your 2nd Birthday party? (Again, more from my mother’s wisdom.) And Jackson’s going to love whatever I do. He’s just the best.
More updates after tomorrow’s appointment! :) :) :)