Learning to Let Go and Say No - Month 3

written September 21, 2011
week 10

I think most people who know me see me as this bubbly, energetic person who takes on a million projects at once. I remember having dinner at Olive Garden with my friend Meegan (who I totally admire since she's a mother of FOUR kids) a few months ago. The thing about Meegan's kids...they are probably the most well-behaved kids I've ever met. I keep telling her she needs to be my mentor when the time comes because I have never seen kids like hers. And well, I want kids like that. I don't want the kids who are running wild everywhere, punching and screaming on the top of their lungs. Supernanny anyone?

Anyway, getting back to Meegan. She told me that once I become pregnant I will not be able to do it all. I will have to give up some things - I will have to make sacrifices. At first I looked at her with my superhuman powers and thought... Ha! I'll show her. But, I take that back. I wish I could just say "no" right now to some things. Frankly I'm tired. I just want to work a job and write and raise a family. That's it. Oh, and play volleyball. :) I'm entering a new stage/phase of my life and am ready to focus more on family stuff.

Things I currently have going on/participating in:

1. Full-time job
2. Querying my 320-page book
3. Writing another book
4. In a critique group - critiquing five other women's fiction work (usually 60 pages a time) once a week
5. Blogging (personal - baby, writing and food recipes)
6. Blogging (Star Tribune)
7. Community reporter (KSTP)
8. Weekly reporter/writer for AOL Patch (three articles a week)
9. Writer for Examiner.com
10. Freelance writer/graphic designer (designing website and marketing deliverables for uncle's new invention)
11. Volunteer for Young(er) adult group at church
12. Health Cabinet volunteer at church
13. Sunday greeter at church
14. Organizing dodgeball at church
15. Playing in a volleyball league (playing only one night a week)
16. Work out with a trainer (right now I'm failing miserably since I can't even get to the gym).
17. I'm the 'Member at Large' on our Town Home Association Board

Lots of thoughts and feelings going on in my head right now. Just curious what other people do when they are asked to do something their heart is just not in at the moment? Does the moment present itself to challenge us - something bigger might come from it, or is it more of a test? How does one balance everything???

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Words of Wisdom for Moms-to-Be - Month 3

written September 21, 2011
week 10

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature. He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy. If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin. (info found on www.babycenter.com)
My awesome friend Jaymie sent me an email this morning and I wanted to share it for anyone else who may be preg and wondering how life is going to change dramatically. I think of that quite often. Jaymie had her baby girl, Brighton Kay McGrath, back in July (in like the easiest delivery ever) and wanted me to know some things. The best part is today is her 32nd birthday so this is just very fitting. Here they are below. I love this!

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices. (if you would have told me this 3 months ago, i would have said you are out of your f-ing mind. i was so scared of the sacrifices...especially the sleep one. but, here i am...at 7:19am...sitting at the computer...just waiting for my daughter to wake up. i can barely believe it. and it doesn't bother me one bit. it takes all i have not to wake her ass up right now because i miss her.)

3. You respect your body ... finally.

4. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

5. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

6. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

7. Your heart breaks much more easily.

8. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

9. Every day is a surprise.

10. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

11. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

12. You become a morning person.

13. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

This just makes me smile!!! I love it. Does anyone have anything to add?

Hold fast your dreams! Within your heart. Keep one still, secret spot. Where dreams may go. And, sheltered so, may thrive and grow.

- Louise Driscoll

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Seeing the Heartbeat - Month 3

written Monday, September 12, 2011
9 weeks

First ultrasound. Wow!

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain. (info from http://www.babycenter.com/)

Something needs to be said about that first ultrasound. Wow. Wow. Wow. This whole creating a baby is truly a miracle. Whoa. Yes, I've been reading up on my four different books. (Ergh...umm...yes, I have four now. Thanks She-Dawg!!!) And I wasn't so sure anymore that we'd even be having the ultrasound since most of the books say you'll have your first one at 12 weeks. I knew I was going into my ninth week, so I wasn't sure if they'd make us wait.

Before we went to bed last night I said a little prayer. I told God that we felt pretty bad we hadn't been going to church lately but we're hoping he hadn't forgotten about us too much since we hadn't been spending nearly enough time with him. We asked that everything turn out just as it is supposed to be and that baby is healthy. All I know is after I spoke those words, I felt really safe...really happy.

Then I had a rough time sleeping. I woke with a throbbing headache around 2:30 and had to take Tylenol with a handful of peanuts. I woke every hour either to pee or to roll over. I was hot. I am never hot when I sleep. My dreams were crazy and I felt like my mind was racing all night. I wasn't sure how the appointment would go.

Mostly I've been freaking out about my weight (so dumb I know but seriously...I'm a fitness freak). I know I've gained a few pounds since our wedding for sure. At 5'10" I was down to 143 when I walked down the aisle. I gained seven pounds over our honeymoon - I do not regret a single pound either. That honeymoon was frickin amazing. Sometime my heart hurts thinking about how amazing that was and how not one vacation will ever be the same as that. It was really special and a one-time deal.

So over the course of two years I've fluctuated between 147-152 pounds. When I first weighed myself on day 30 of this journey, I was 154 and the size 4s were getting a bit snug. Today, I was only up a pound!!!!!! Phew. That means if I gain the 30-34 pounds I can still stay under 200 pounds. I will die if I get over 200. Baaaahahahaha. I worry because I eat a lot, but I do eat healthy when I eat a lot, so I have that going for me. But whatever. If I get chubby, I get chubby.

But yes, this is about baby and not my chub. Karl and I headed to the doctor appointment at 7:50 after battling annoying traffic. So doc (nurse practitioner) went over my form I filled out and asked me lots of family history questions. I will say everyone was quite impressed with my family heart history.

• Mom's dad died of congenital heart failure
• Mom's brother has a defibulator and was on heart transplant list for awhile (get this...his defib went off when he was scaling a mountain and he was thrown off!! Can you even believe it!?!?)
• Mom's other brother has irregul heartbeat and needs to get shocked every once in a while
• Mom's sister has the super fast heart beat and needs to dunk head in ice sometime to jump it back to normal
• Dad's dad has a pacemaker, a pig valve, and two clots in his heart
• Dad has pacemaker
• Brother was born with hole in heart and irregular heart beat (but also completed two marathons and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro! Boo-yah!!)
• Dad's sister gave birth to a baby whose heart valves were flipped and he died 6 months later:( 

So yeah... crazy hearts on both sides and doctors and nurses are keeping a close watch! Then she asked for our questions, which I had a bunch. Then she wheeled in the ultrasound machine. She had to go through my 'who-ha' on this one since a belly read would be too hard. She moved the big ol' stick around inside me until...poof! There was our baby jumping and twitching around!!!!! I looked up at Karl and tears rolled down his cheeks. I had to look away... I'm emotional enough as is!!! But WOW. Nothing can prepare you for that moment. It's nuts. Then I saw a little dot in his chest pumping super fast. Then all I kept thinking about was...is he/she healthy? What is he/she going to become? Will he/she play volleyball?

So so so so neat. I'm already in love. We also found out I'm for sure 9 weeks along and due April 16! I'm getting super excited about this and felt really great the minute I was able to hear the words..."there's the heartbeat." Because I know things are going to be fine. One of my books says if you make it past 8 weeks and see the heartbeat, miscarriage drops to 5%.

I headed downstairs to get blood drawn. My veins were nowhere to be found and I got poked twice in both arms since they weren't having much luck - and then I peed in a cup. Fun stuff.

I just can't wait to meet this little fella. How much joy he/she is going to bring!!!!!!! So of course I called my mom and I left a bubbly message with her and then called my dad right away since I remembered my mom was working out - and he was just super excited. That was cool to hear! I instantly felt like myself again. It was great. We're SO excited to see them this weekend and to show them pictures!!!!!!!!!!! It's going to be great. Speaking of pictures...what do you think? Pretty cute, huh? I think baby is going to have Karl's ears!!!!!!!! YESSS!!!

So I did something crazy and I'm grabbing a quote from my calendar - the one on April 16. Isn't this so cool!?!??!

"As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayers. As Jesus looked into heaven, you were in  his vision... His final prayer was about you. His final pain was for you. His final passion was you."

-Max Lucado

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Yummy Tacos for Two

Eating like a celebrity now...One of Jennifer Hudson's favorite dishes

Tacos for Two
serves 2
(recipe found in Self Magazine September 2011)

1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 tsp olive oil
1 package (9 oz) Perdue Short cuts Carved Chicken Breast Strips Grilled (I used our leftover chicken from the grill)
1 clove of garlic
1/2 cup salsa
4 whole grain taco shells
1/2 cup shredded taco cheese
1 jalapeno chile, chopped

In a medium skillet, saute bell pepper in oil until soft, about 6 minutes.

Add chicken, garlic, salsa, salt and pepper; cook stirring, until heated through.

Stuff taco shelled with chicken mixture, cheese and jalapeno, if desired.

Karl's reaction: "All I taste is cilantro. I think I just like your normal ground beef tacos. It's good, but I like normal tacos."

My take: "I obviously didn't follow the recipe. I added cilantro and some chili beans. I did find myself missing taco meat."

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Porchetta-Style Pork Loin with White Beans

An Italian-inspired recipe lends deep, rich flavor to a lean cut of pork

Porchetta-Style Pork Loin with White Beans
serves 6
(recipe found in Women's Health September 2011)

2 cans cannellini beans (white beans)
juice of one lemon
1 Tbsp fennel seeds
1 1/2 Tbsp chopped fresh rosemary, divided
3 cloves garlic, minced
zest of 2 oranges
1 Tbsp olive oil
Salt and freshly cracked pepper to taste
1 pork loin (about 2 lbs), preferably with a thin layer of fat still attached

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. On a cutting board combine garlic, orange zest, fennel seeds and 1 tablespoon rosemary and chop until a paste forms. Scoop it into a small bowl; add olive oil.

2. Season pork with salt and pepper, then rub it all over with the paste. (If you like, let it marinate up to four hours in the fridge before cooking.) Place pork in a roasting pan and bake until a thermometer inserted into the middle reads 155 F, 25 to 30 minutes. Remove pork from the oven and let it rest 10 minutes.

3. In a saucepan, heat beans, lemon juice, and remaining rosemary until warmed through. Season with salt and pepper. Slice pork and serve with beans.

Karl's reaction: "This is good. Love me some pork and beans." Side note: "This was even better the second day."

My take: "You have to like orange zest because I could taste it. This is different but still really tasty."

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Grilled Chicken Cutlets with Summer Succotash

A quick tasty dinner

Grilled Chicken Cutlets with Summer Succotash
serves 4
(recipe found in Health July/August 2011)

Season 4 thin chicken cutlets with 1/4 tsp salt and pepper
Grill (about 3-4 minutes each side)
Heat 1 Tablespoon olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat
Add in 1 cup frozen baby lima beans, thawed
1/2 cup corn
1 pint grape tomatoes
I also added some mozzarella balls

Cook, tossing occasionally, until tomatoes burst.
Stir in 1 Tablespoon grated Parmesan
1/2 cup fresh basil  leaves, torn
Pair each portion with lemon wedges and a whole-wheat roll

Karl's reaction: "This is good. Corn is real nice and sweet to a crisp. I like that the lima beans were fried. Real nice babe."

My take: "Super easy so I will be making this again. What can I say? I love recipes with basil in them."

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A Little Consistency Please - Month 2

written September 8, 2011
8 weeks (baby is the same size as a kidney bean right now)

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it. (info from www.babycenter.com)

Three days on (feeling good), one day off (feeling bad). That's how I've been feeling lately. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were three really good days. So good that I even did a nice long walk/run. I almost felt like myself again! Plus, the weather has been gorgeous. This weather makes me so happy - well, when I get to be enjoying it. Drives me crazy that the window I look out of at the office is old, completely fogged up, home to a zillion box elder bugs...oh, and it won't open.

Then Wednesday came and I wanted to crawl into bed forever. These darn hormones are killer.

I've been eating my peanuts a couple times throughout the early morning (usually around 3:30/4:00 a.m. and again at 6:00 when I wake) so I can feel better as I'm getting ready, but yesterday nothing worked. Traffic sucked and then a crazed hawk was loose at work. Things kept getting worse and it takes a lot for me not to speak my mind. So I just smile or keep my head down.

I'm also freakin a little lot about my changing body. I haven't stepped on a scale since I was 154 pounds and I think I'm okay with that. You have to understand I've had a flat stomach for 32 years. I'm departing with something I've always had and know I might not ever have again. I've been playing volleyball since the 7th grade. I've always worked out and lifted and have taken such good care of my body - this butt sagging business is really throwing me off. And where are these veins coming from?!? Ewww! And it's only going to get worse. I know on Monday I'll be finding out my latest weight. My problem is as soon as I feel any bit of hunger pains, I become nauseous. Ugh! So then I eat because who wants to feel like they're going to throw up...especially at work?
When I do eat, I try to eat healthy - like I ate a bunch of edamame beans and blueberries and strawberries...in one sitting. And last night I grilled chicken and had tons of veggies. It's not like I'm totally going mad about fast food or grease. Ice cream....maybe. And think of the calories I'm saving without drinking alcohol or having that fatty cream in my coffee every morning! I did make Karl meet me at Olive Garden last Friday after work where I ordered even before he got there and devoured a bowl of soup and a salad. So good! And then I had some more when he got there. Yikes. I'm out of control.

I know I need to get over myself and all these stupid worries and focus on baby's health. Like I said, I don't feel like myself these days. Bad hormones! I seriously am not myself!!!! Who is this person???
Karl and I plan to talk about all our options this weekend. When I should tell work, how long I plan to take off work, will I be treated fairly once I share the news, time off, daycare - money, money, money. All that fun stuff. Rumor has it daycare providers fill up so quickly some mom's reserve their spots even before they become pregnant. Yikes. Sounds brutal out there. That's why I would love if one of us could stay at home or I had one of our parents watch our lil kidney bean. Just trying not to worry about that.

But I am super pumped about Monday. Hoping to see the heartbeat!!! Can't wait to tell my grandparents on Wednesday....and then see my parents. Hopefully we'll have some pictures to show!!!!!!! Oh, and we will be going to Edwards Apple Orchard in Illinois for apple cider donuts and hot apple cider. Mmmmmm. Life is good!

The joy that you give to others is the joy that comes back to you.

- John Greenleaf Whittier

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