|Harmony at the park|
Perhaps there was actually an answer to this madness!?
I’m always looking for suggestions to find better balance because for the past year I’ve been rushing around trying to find it. In my eyes it seems like all these other moms have it together and I’m missing something. But what I’ve learned over the past year is a lot of them DO NOT have it together. They either don’t like sharing this information with me or they are awesome at pretending. Or they simply have learned and accepted that this is their new life and take each day as it comes.
I envy that peace. I want it. I need it.
One comment from a mom of three in the mommy group grabbed my attention. She wrote: “It’s not about finding balance, it’s about creating harmony. If you try to create balance, you set yourself up for failure and you’ll eventually burn yourself out and shoot yourself down over and over again. Instead, try to make the best of what you’re given. Every person’s situation is different. You're not walking in their shoes, nor will they ever walk in yours. Do not compare. What you do know now is nothing ever goes as planned and you need to recognize that and create harmony from what you’re handed every day.”
Hello. Why haven’t I thought of this?
I loved this. Harmony. Ahh. Such a positive word.
My last typical day had me almost pulling out my hair and beating myself up. Why couldn’t I go about my normal insane schedule AND get two gifts ready for a 1st birthday party AND get all 70+ thank you cards done, stamped, addressed and in the mail from Jacksons’ birthday party?
Well, perhaps because Jackson stole my pen, wrote on his face, grabbed a bunch of the cards, stepped all over them, chewed on them, shoved them in the dirt of one of our potted plants and then kicked the envelopes under his Pack N Play. But in my mind it was ME who was the problem. I wasn’t fast enough. I couldn’t focus well enough. I lost my ability to multi-task. Why can’t you fill out these pesky cards that have been sitting on your to-do list for the past three weeks? You’d be able to do these in no time before. Insert name here would have had these out weeks ago. It’s not like you have any plans or company or….
Deep breath. I looked at the situation through Jackson’s eyes. He was telling me…”MOM, I’m here. You are here. Pay attention to me! Screw these stupid thank you cards!!”
I mean, clearly my husband didn’t care about them. He left to place some bets at Canterbury for the Kentucky Derby.
Instead I took (another) deep breath and thought HARMONY. Let’s make this situation fun. OK, so reading a magazine or sitting outside with my shirt rolled up and drink in hand wasn't a reality at that very moment but I could still have fun. Harmonize.
I don’t know about you but I think music when I hear the word harmony. So the first thing I did was turn on music. Loud. Right away, Jackson started dancing. And I laughed. He was too cute. Then my moment came. A slow song filled the speakers. I picked up Jackson and we spun. We danced. I held him close and escaped all the stressors. I kind of felt like we were in a tunnel. Just me and him. “You know, one day you and I are going to slow dance at your wedding just like this and I’m not going to want to let you go. I love you too much.”
I thought of that day more seriously. I pictured Jackson as a man. I saw it all. I saw someone in white clinging to him for dear life…thinking she (or he, I suppose) loved him more than me. And he thinking he is the luckiest man alive. I panicked, but at the same time I felt incredibly blessed that he was still a little boy and I still had TIME. Every day I'm blessed with time to spend with him - some moments shorter than others but there is TIME. Time to enjoy him and soak up these harmonious moments. Moments I keep pushing aside because I think I have to find perfection.
I must have worn Jackson out because he ended up taking a 2.5 hour nap and low and behold I made it through all 70 cards. No, I didn’t have time to add the pictures, or addresses or lick them shut. That little voice started to attack me again… You used to be able to do this… remember?
Then Jackson woke up. I jumped and ran to him. He giggled when he saw me.
Enjoy the moment. The today. The here and now. The cards can wait. I have some dancing to do.