Seeking Change!

I don't want to write too much in this blog post and save it for my next Star Tribune blog, but if I don't write my thoughts, I go batty. And after today's commute into work, I'm pretty much there. And it's not even 8:00 in the morning! Great. I spent my morning drive listing off things I'm grateful for to help motivate me through the day.

1. The sun is peeking through the clouds.
2. It's actually semi-light out at 7:20.
3. We're able to afford food (the healthy kind).
4. I have a car that runs.
5. I'm married to the cutest little bugger ever.
6. My skin is actually starting to look kind of nice (buh bye zits).
7. I'm healthy.
8. I live in a warm house with lots of blankets.
9. My pants are loose and not cutting off my circulation.
10. I wrote a frickin' book.

And then I pulled into the parking lot. I crawled out of my car (that now makes creaking noises), slipped in the snow and headed out into the cold. Not just normal cold, but the take-my-breath-away-below-zero stuff. Just like that, I was grumpy again.

This has been happening a lot lately. Call me Mrs. Cranks. Everything about my day is so routine. I can't stand it. The weather is cold; the earth all dark...all the time. I want to jog outside. I want to roll in the grass. I want to smell spring and hear birds chirping, but it's only January. There's a long way to go. What I can't figure out is why I didn't feel this crazy around the same time last year? I can't figure out what my problem is. But I've deciphered some ways to change things up outside of work, and it helps. Problem is most of my day is spent at work. Can you see a pattern here?

Without boring you with the details, instead I thought I'd blog about some of my more exciting news. These things always bring a smile to my face and help me stay motivated and determined. And God knows I need that right now!

1. Book status.
Where do I start? Luke still has my full manuscript; poor fella. I can't sit still and have managed to make plenty of changes since I sent him draft number one. And then I created an outline. And then I made some more changes. And some more. And even more. In the meantime, I'm sending him all of these changed documents and emails with questions. Yes, I'm a lunatic. I can only imagine his reaction. He has enough on his plate with his movie coming out in March and more screen play requests. This past weekend I filled in a few holes toward the end of the book since Karl felt there were still unanswered questions after reading the whole thing. So I adjusted and changed some things around. My book went from 324 pages to 346 pages. Oops! But I'm much happier with it and like the end a lot. Before I felt maybe it was too cheesy. Don't get me wrong, I love cheesy-goodness romance, but my first draft was a bit over the top. Think BrideWars. I was so excited to see that movie, but it just ended up so so so stupid. Cheesy stupid. I don't want that! I just hope other people like it...like literary agents so they can send off to publishers.

Just when I think I have a completed manuscript and I print chapters one through three, I sit down and flip through each page with a smile and a ton of confidence and pride. However, I end up making more changes and catch things I missed in the first place. What the heck? Then I go into this tizzy. I'd like to blame it on my computer. I swear it doesn't save my changes. But I know this is simply a major work in progress and will always be. And I need to accept that, considering I have 47 chapters to go through. For some reason I feel like I'm in a race against time. Not sure what that's about. I do know I want to send something I'm 100 percent proud of and know I gave my all.

My goal was to have my manuscript out to agencies in February, before we leave for Mexico, but now I don't know if that's possible. Damn it! Since I sent my manuscript to Luke, I've also written a query letter, and fixed up my outline to go along with my submission. What's left: a two-page synopsis. I have a feeling that is going to be hard to write. How can I condense my entire book in two pages? And I guess what worries me the most...what if Luke and the rest of my critiquers get toward the end and say..."well that was silly and you're going to have to think deeper." And the fact that I even have the thought, scares me. Karl liked it, but he's my husband and has to. I guess time will tell.

2. Karl and I bought snowshoes. 
Let me just say this is a great investment and I encourage you to go out and buy some for yourself, or at least rent them. I realize my biggest problem in the winter is not getting outside enough and breathing in FRESH AIR. It's so necessary, yet I refuse to do it because I hate being cold. I have no idea what I'm doing in Minnesota either, but I do love my spring, summer and fall here. Snowshoeing was really fun and I look forward to hitting up some trails versus the paved road in our backyard.

3. Getting into healthy cooking
So, Karl and I need to eat to survive, yes. Common knowledge. But why on earth were we eating pizza three times a week around the holidays? Because we got really busy and there wasn't time. I kind of felt like a cyclone every day when I got home from work last month. This is a nice way to burn out quickly. And I don't get the luxury of stepping away from work because I'm bumming out. What I do know: my spirits are lifted a lot when I eat healthy. I feel better inside and about myself in general. So for the past few weeks I've made time to find healthy recipes and get to the grocery story. I've found time to make healthy dinners. And it's really improved my attitude at home. As you see below, I'm trying to post a few recipes a week. I plan to continue this throughout the year.

4. I hired a personal trainer
So I'm not really paying for him because he's super expensive, but wowweeeeee, he's good!!! I'm not paying because all Lifetime Fitness members get one free session with a trainer. So I used my pass, and then my brother and sister-in-law (who remain nameless) became members and used my name as their referral, so I got two free trainer sessions!!! Why haven't I done this before? My workouts are different and more enjoyable. I'm seeing muscle tone I haven't seen...ummm...ever and I feel really good. Plus I was working out maaaybe one time a week at the gym because I was sick of doing stair stepper, level 11, for 25 minutes. Now I'm there three or four times a week and I can steam!!! Steaming at Lifetime is a mini-vacation for me. Next week I have a cardio session where I wear a mask and run and they figure out all sorts of "science" behind my calorie burn. I'm pretty pumped about this. Watch out skinny jeans.

5. Townhome for sale
We're doing it. We have to do it. We're putting Karl's townhome up for sale. This means we have to move all the stuff jammed in his basement to our townhome in Shakopee. We're both dreading this. We both have anxiety about it, but it has to be done. I'm mentally psyching myself up for some major purging. I know this scares my husband, but I think in the end, we'll both feel better. We need to sell it. We need it out of our lives. It's only been bringing both of us down. With that said, anyone interested in buying it? It's cute! It's in a great neighborhood. Costco just went up across the street:) Pics to come.

P.S. Money is such a crazy thing...that's all I'm going to say. It really can change everything.

That's the latest. Hope everyone is finding time to change up their schedules a little. Don't let the cold bring you down. CHANGE! It's a beautiful thing.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.  - Mary Engelbreit