So after writing my latest post on losing both my grandparents, I realized how much I missed writing and how much I love it. AND, how much I NEED writing in my life and this blog. And all of YOU.
|One last cart ride around my grandparent's house - one of my favorite homes. I used to drive this cart when I was a kid on their 40 acres. Felt really weird being at their house without them there.|
Sometimes (most of the time) this blog IS the only way I get to communicate my feelings and emotions right now. Not intentionally, but even when I tried getting a full sentence out last night over dinner with my husband, I realized I could choose to scream over Nathan's cries because he was overtired and teething (again) and Jackson's whines because his chair wouldn’t move right or find another time to talk. I chose to keep things to myself until my husband and I could both connect again, and for us that’s usually in bed right now. We're trying hard to get all the sleep we can. So it was another night of chugging down water and forking in food until everyone calmed down. When I finally made it to bed (seriously, dishes take forever when it comes to scrubbing those bottles and pump parts and teething rings, etc), I laid my head down and was out in seconds. I didn’t mean to fall asleep that quickly but sometimes I’m so mentally exhausted, I completely shut down. I woke at 3:30 confused, nursed and realized I didn’t call my mom once again to check in.
Man, this life is crazy. CRAZY. The days can feel so long but the years FLY BY.
Like most of all of you, I’m a busy person too. And sometimes my passions and to-do lists get pushed aside while I’m so focused on making it through the day, keeping up with all the dishes and laundry and food and making sure everyone is content and getting the attention they need…all with a smile. (For some reason, I know I will look back and be sad when this phase is gone.) Before I know it, it’s time for bed and another day just flew on by.
I often hear the analogy about putting on my oxygen mask first. I really struggle with that one. Anyone else? There are times where it just doesn’t feel right. I’m trying to find that happy balance, but deep down I do know I need to let go more. Before I know it, I will be forced to REALLY let go and watch both boys get on the bus, and get behind a wheel and drive and head off to college, get married, have kids of their own. AKKK!
In the meantime, I have been reading a lot of personal development books and have really enjoyed these. They have been SO healthy for me. This entire health and fitness coaching business has been one of the BEST things for me. It has forced me to make time for myself and improve myself too, which I needed in a big way. Even when I don't feel like I have the oxygen mask on all day long, this business has reminded me to put it back on every day. I love that. These books have really opened my eyes to positive thinking and putting things in perspective. These great reads remind me that what I give the universe is what the universe is going to give back to me. And it’s been pretty spot on.
For example, there have been a lot of things going on these past 6 months:
- · We moved in a new house while I pregnant with number 2 and transitioned Jackson into his big boy bed at the same time and successfully survived potty training (not at night just yet)
- · Found a renter for our town home
- · My husband started a new job (thank GOD! No more on-call or travel!)
- · I started a side gig as health and fitness coach
- · We had our sweet Nathan and I went on 3 months maternity leave
- · My wonderful grandma died of a stroke
- · Our sweet niece, Hadley was born
- · I went back to work with a new boss
- · Our sweet niece, Audrey was born
- · My wonderful grandpa died of heart failure (i.e. broken heart)
- · My dear friend Kathy died from a brain tumor
When I look at that list, I think whoa. That’s a lot of hard sh*t. Not just minor things. But as the person living this crazy life, I’m not sure if I have processed it all either. I sort of feel as if I’m going through the motions a lot of the time. I’m constantly pulled away from my tasks and duties or interrupted or thrown one curve ball after the other and I am slowly learning to just go with it. I guess in my mind, we are healthy and that feels like we’re winning. It truly is a blessing to have your health and be surrounded with genuine lovely people. It seems so simple, but it's such a gift.
I continue to put out positive energy every single day. The other way doesn’t sit well with me. I don't feel whole - and I need to feel whole.
I have a LOT of conversations with God, asking for his guidance. I often think of the “Footprints” prayer. Some days I feel Him carrying me, other days, I simply ask that He let me follow him. For instance, as I write this, my husband sent a text saying we’re going to need a new air conditioner and furnace. I thought…”I’m so glad he’s taking care of this!” Before, I would have worried about the $3,000+ we’re going to have to fork over.
I am focused on seeing the GOOD in every situation. And that has changed everything.
I know this life is so good, and can be bad at times. But with everything we are faced with we always ALWAYS have two options. We can do nothing at all – and what changes? Or we can DO something and there will be change!
On to these sweet boys…
Nathan is 7.5 months old and in the middle of getting his two top front teeth. We have YET to have him sleep through the night. Yeah. He woke up once last night though. This was a big deal. Happy birthday to me, right? I celebrated but at the same time I reminded myself that this sketchy sleep pattern won’t last for long. Soon enough we’ll all be sleeping comfortably through the night. For now, it might be a little tough, but it will get better.
Nathan is also army crawling and started doing this the day before he turned 7 months. He actually pulled himself up and climbed up from the living room into the kitchen last night and cleaned our entire hard wood floor with his WHITE onesie. For one, I I couldn’t believe how FAST he is and secondly, man…I have to clean our floors. This is when the childproofing begins. We found him eating dirt in one of our house plants. What’s with plants that kids love so much? Jackson was the same way!
Nathan is eating 3 times a day now. Anything from eggs to Karl’s healthy pancakes to organic fruit and veggies. I just slipped him some quinoa last night. You would be happy to know I did give him a popsicle and he loved it.
He is the happiest baby ever. I love that smile of his. Those dimples. He is something special for sure. His fuzzy hair and cuddles are the best. However, he moves constantly just like Jackson. At my grandpa’s funeral, he refused to sit. He wanted to climb all over me, eat my hair, bite my shoulders, bend to the ground. He wants to observe and explore. He’s curious. He is in constant motion ALWAYS…even in his sleep.
|I love working out with mom!|
|We love getting messy!|
|This is how he sleeps. He has to be hugging something. Always.|
|He sees something and he goes after it!|
Jackson is Mr. Personality. He loves waving at cars and everyone at the grocery store. He will point out if someone doesn’t have hair or isn’t wearing a helmet on their bike or if they have an owie on their leg. Those big brown eyes and sweet eyes melt everyone’s heart. He has been great lately with entertaining himself and using his imagination to play. I love watching him. He’s obsessed with spiders and making sure there are NO webs in our house. He loves to talk “poopies” and will wave goodbye to his turds when he flushes the toilet. He watches us like a hawk. If a bad word slips out, he is sure to tell us. He asks “why” and “what” a million times. He constantly wants us to “watch me!” I just love seeing who he’s turning into. I’m totally impressed with how wonderful he is with Nathan.
|Hold on a sec, I'm driving...|
|Push me higher and faster, mom!!!|
|WE LOVE CONSTRUCTION VEHICLES!|
|This kid LOVES to help and be involved!|
|He loves to challenge everything|
The boys are starting to play together and it’s so much fun to watch. Nathan adores his brother and Jackson the same. This is going to be one awesome relationship to watch. I think…
|The walking is slow but I still love getting out with them!|
|I LOVE this photo! My everything here!|
The more they grow, the more I want to be home with them more. Though I get to work and feel like I’m on vacation sometimes. I get to breathe. Sit without interruption. Drink a hot coffee. Listen to music without someone talking over it. But I miss my boys like CRAZY. They are my world and I would choose to be with them in a heartbeat.
I have set some incredible big goals for myself and I’m starting to see that these goals can really become a reality the more I believe in myself and the more I just DO the work. It’s kind of nuts. And it’s kind of awesome.
Remember...YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU MATTER. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO!