A little scare
I forgot how AWESOME ultrasounds are! Oh wow. A level II ultrasound is beyond cool. The main reason we received the Level II was because of the heart defects on my side:
- My dad had a quarter-sized hole in heart and leaky mitral valve, irregular slow heart beat and a pacemaker – had open heart this winter
- Brother had a hole in heart (they think he was born with it) and had irregular, slow heart beat
- Grandpa has pacemaker and pig valve and might have had a hole in heart, irregular slow heartbeat, clots in heart
- Uncle now has a pacemaker and had open heart surgery for slow and irregular heart beat
- Mom has the FAST heart beat and is on beta blockers
- Grandpa (mom’s dad) passed away from congenital heart failure
- Oldest uncle had heart defibulator and was on heart transplant list for a while. Still kicking it!
- Second oldest uncle has the fast heart beat
- Aunt has the fast heart beat
As soon at the ultrasound tech put the goop on my belly, baby’s face popped up on the screen. INCREDIBLE photo. My heart melted. Karl grabbed my hand and squeezed it. SO SO SO COOL.
Everything seemed to be measuring GREAT. We were able to see how the blood was flowing through the heart. CRAZY. HEALTHY. Strong beat at 161 bpm. We were passing with flying colors left and right.
We had to turn away so we wouldn’t see the “private” parts. But then when we turned back to look and the tech arrived to the head, she spent some time in one area and became quiet. I was getting sleepy lying down so I didn’t think much of it. Until the doctor came in and had that look. Right away I knew something was up.
He of course was sweet and nice and introduced himself, but then we started getting into things. “When you walked in the doors today, you were high-risk being 35. You already knew your chances of having a baby with some kind of genetic defect were now at 1 and 300.”
I nodded. I knew that, but come on…I JUST turned 35 on Sunday!!!
“I don’t want to alarm you but it’s my job to tell you that the baby’s nuchal fold measured a couple times at 5.7 and once at 6.1. We couldn’t get the best measurements because baby doesn’t want to move for us to the area we want to capture, but the threshold for being at a increased risk for down syndrome is anywhere from a 6-10 measurement. You did have that one measurement at 6.1, so I need to explain what that could mean…”
Yes, my heart dropped. Yes, it was like a movie clip ran through my head in fast forward of the past two years and all we went through with Jackson. Would I NOT have that with #2? Would it be crazier? Harder? Would I only get what I had with Jackson ONCE and then have to relearn how to be a better/different caregiver for #2? My head was swirling with thoughts.
Then this calm washed over me out of nowhere. Even the doctor stopped and said, “You look really calm on the outside right now. How are you feeling on this inside?”
I seriously was OK. This crazy amount of strength and optimism came over me.
How many of my friends have gone through something VERY similar? Doctor sees something, they worry and then baby is born healthy? A lot. I was sticking with that thought. Everything was going to be OK.
The doctor rambled off some statistics. I think my risk is at 1 and 100 now. BUT I hung on to the 98% chance that the baby would STILL BE HEALTHY. Basically not one other thing came up that put up a red flag. And he said because baby wasn’t moving in the right position for them maybe he/she had a serious neck fold the way he/she was lying.
I’m going with that right now. I can’t worry about this. Only pray. Baby is in God’s hands.
We visited with our doctor after and he didn’t seem too worried. We ended up talking about the usual - gas, peeing, and other weird stuff. He is the coolest. I felt much better about things.
I honestly can’t worry about this right now. I have to trust in God and his plan. But at the same time I kept thinking how lucky we all are for being able to walk and talk and breathe every single day. SUCH miracles. We all are. It's amazing how our bodies function every single day the way they do.
Every second this baby is developing and growing into something incredible. How is that even possible? There is SO much more going on here than science. God. God. God.