Daycare center two days a week
So we did it. We put Jackson in a center two days a week. This has been HARD on me. HARD. HARD. HARD. Am I freaking out about the germs? Yes. Am I worried Jackson isn’t getting the one-on-one time he gets with me or Karl’s parents or our previous in-home daycare? Yes. Am I worried he’s crying all day long? Yes. Am I worried he thinks I’ve left him at a strange place? Yes. Am I worried he could possibly disown me? Yes. Am I worried he’s eating unhealthy food? Yes.
|Picture sent to me from Jackson's new daycare. Looks like he's having fun!|
Like I said this is HARD!!!
But there are reasons we did this. First, we are both working parents. With Jackson at in-home daycare - when those sweet kids caught a bug - I’d have to stay home. Anyone knows this winter has been BRUTAL with illness. And it was ME who was staying home and burning through all my time off. We need my job. And every time I stayed home, I’d get more and more behind and more and more anxious. What was work thinking? Would I lose my job?
It’s been tough. Plus our in-home care was ready for a new chapter in her life. Of course we wanted to honor this. So it was time for us to move on as hard as it was on ALL of us. But we adopted them all as our family. For real. We love them that much. Like...LOVE THEM. This isn’t goodbye!!! Helloooo play dates!
Secondly, Jackson is 11 months old. He is getting older before our eyes and is going to keep growing. I want him to be around kids. I need him to be. I need him to learn to be in a center kind of setting. I need him to get into a different routine, see a different environment – to learn new things. Before I know it, he’s going to be heading to preschool. He’ll be ready for it. And it’ll be easier on me too.
I am leaning on God like crazy right now. My non-existent fingernails are down to my knuckles but I am praying constantly. The second I doubt anything, I’m talking to God. I need him more than ever right now. I feel guilty we haven’t been to church, but I feel like God is carrying me right now. He isn’t far. I don’t feel so alone when I’m conversing with him. This also tells me I need to make sure Jackson has the best relationship he can with God because I need him to lean on him too when he goes through the hard stuff. Nothing is impossible with God. WE NEED HIM.
|Really, mom...I'm OK.|
So I have been telling myself germs are OK. Jackson is building up his immune system. Remember…somehow Jackson avoided getting my stomach bug or the pneumonia Grandpa Jim had or the influenza my mom had and all of us were drooling all over him. Something must be working…
He IS getting one-on-one time from me and Karl’s parents. And that is AWESOME. He is learning patience at the center. Which is something we all need more of.
|Would I be doing this sweet move if I was mad? Nope!|
I have been told to give this new change a few weeks. Yes, he will cry, but the end results will be positive. Sometimes we have to go through really HARD STUFF to get to the GOOD STUFF. And like Jillian Michaels said on The Biggest Loser – we wake up every day and we go about our day and we bust our butts and keep going because one morning we wake up and WE FEEL IT. MAGIC.And that moment is AMAZING and the BEST DAY OF OUR LIFE. We get a TASTE. It’s not forever but that feeling is ridiculous and awesome. We’ve all been there. We know what it feels like to be on top of the world. So we keep going and we keep waking up fighting so we get to that most perfect day again…and AGAIN. I’m waiting for it all to click for Jackson and for him to be OK with being dropped off at the center. I’m ready for MAGIC!
I’m trying to be better about the food at the center. I can’t control everything he puts in his mouth. I could if I was stay-at-home, but I’m not. So I have to accept the fact that he might eat white breads and canned fruits and veggies. BUT…I am on a mission to change this. It’s time to educate centers and schools. We are facing some serious problems out there but at the same time, we’re to blame…
For now, I’m here… praying, praying, praying.