I feel like I'm getting a bit of my groove back. Yahoooo! But before I speak too soon, I will say there are still those moments where I lose it, but more often than not, I'm feeling pretty good.
I even breastfed in PUBLIC!!! Score!
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| Me, under my Hooter Hider trying to be discrete as Jackson feeds in public. How am I doing? |
But first, Jackson slept a full six hours and mommy liked that a lot! However, the following two days, beginning at 6 p.m., Jackson felt the need to cry all the way until 12:30 in the morning. I even had to put him in his car seat and take a drive around the neighborhood to quiet him down. I wasn't sure what was wrong. I fed him and he projectile spit up everywhere. And he's been doing that more and more. I've been told I'm either over feeding him or my let down is way too fast and his little tummy can't handle it. A friend just told me it could have been the chili I had for dinner and lunch that day...and all those beans. Poor guy. She might be on to something since he's been pretty good since then.
I'm trying to burp him every 10 minutes and that seems to be working. And I'm trying to feed him when he squawks, but the hard part is figuring out why he's crying an hour after I finish feeding him for a solid 30-40 minutes and he has a clean diaper. What is it that is making him cry like that? Is he really hungry again? Gas bubbles? Another burp? Karl thinks he's hungry (again) but after Jackson spits up and acts full, I wonder how he can be hungry so soon?? But I did hear about cluster feeding and growth spurts...
It's a learning process for sure!
All I know is I'm glad we didn't get new couches before Jackson came.
Also, I second guess when I should go to sleep every night. These days I'm ready for bed around 7 but I know I can't. I'm usually finishing up a feeding around 6/7ish. And I know I'll need to feed around 10 again if I want somewhat of a good night's sleep. Usually if I feed him after 10, we can make it to about 4 a.m. (sometimes) without him getting up. Last night, I was extra tired and fed him at 9 p.m. He was up at 1:47 a.m. and then again at 4:50 a.m. But the whole time I felt guilty and thought I should've forced myself to stay up until midnight so I wouldn't have to get up at 2 a.m. But really, my body told me otherwise and I was out. It's just hard trying to come up with some type of feeding schedule. I know Jackson is only at three weeks, but still. I keep wondering how that'll be once I go back to work? How do I calculate my morning routine? Will I have to get up three hours earlier just so I can make sure Jackson is fed, there is enough food for him at day care, he's changed and then I'm ready...oh, and Karl too??
We'll be introducing a bottle tomorrow and I can't wait!!! This means maybe I can head out for a couple hours and run some errands, or I can workout at the gym...or...maybe...just maybe I can get some serious sleep!!!
Karl told me he's flying out at 8 a.m. on Sunday for his big orthotics exam. Well, if anyone knows what Sunday is.... MY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY and Karl won't even be here:( I'm totally bumming out, but I'm trying to tell myself that every day in my life is like Mother's Day! Ha!
Thankfully my parents will be with me and a couple of my girlfriends are coming over. I also scheduled an appointment next week to get my hair did (it's soooo long and all I do is pull it back in a ponytail) and an appointment to get my moles checked out and I'm glad my parents can watch Jackson so I can focus on the appointments instead of wondering when to feed him and where. I just read that 1 out of 5 people will be diagnosed with skin cancer. Scary! And I still remember all those tanning appointments before all three Proms in high school. Why, oh, why did I ever do that???
Saturday Karl and I had a 40th Wedding Anniversary party to go to for his godmother at Jax Cafe (total yum!). I was nervous as all get up because I'd be exposing Jackson to a lot of germs and the nurses told me to refrain from going anywhere until about four weeks since we're still at the end of flu season. And who isn't going to touch an adorable baby? I knew he'd be passed around a lot and not everyone is good at washing their hands and I was going on three hours of sleep, so I was extra anxious. Also, I knew I'd have to breastfeed, unless we stayed for about an hour. I knew that wouldn't be happening.
Karl, in a very non-sensitive tone (we're both tired these days), told me I better get over my fear of breastfeeding in public. Easier said than done, but sometimes I just need someone to tell me to get over it like that. Even if I'm emotionally fragile right now. Thankfully a friend had also texted me she breastfed FIVE times that same day in public and that I could do it too. I just needed to act confident. OK. That was my plan...confidence. So with that in mind, I wore heels. I didn't care if I towered over Karl. It's how I felt confident that night.
Soon Jackson was crying and everyone kept saying a million things to me at once... "He's hungry." "Did you feed him?" "Do you have a bottle?" "Are you going to the bathroom to feed him?" "Grandma wants to hold him." "Have you had grandma hold him?" "Give him to grandma." "You're going to save your cake, right? You're not throwing it away, are you? That's good frosting..."
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| I love this guy SO much!!! |
Sweat started to form along my forehead. My heart pounded. My mouth became dry. Thankfully Karl stayed put next to me and people continued on their conversations as nothing was different and I tied on my Hooter Hider and slipped Jackson underneath. OK...it wasn't that easy. My hair was falling in my face, I couldn't see...I didn't have any pillows. BUT...I finally did it!!! YAY!
I can cross that off my list!
I will say the night was actually fun and good for us to get out. It's not normal for us to go somewhere nice for dinner, so I'm glad we did!
I also have noticed I do have a little more time during the day...SOMEDAYS. I was able to send out 50-some thank you cards. I signed up for a Baby and Me class offered every week at St. Francis so I can get out of the house and meet some new moms and bring Jackson with. I was able to pay some bills and fill out some surveys the hospital sent our way. I took Jackson to Wal-Mart with me, though he started crying and I couldn't complete my list, but it was a start! I can empty out the dishwasher and every once in awhile I can cook. I even grilled out yesterday, but Jackson screamed his brains out the whole time since I had to set him down. The night time feedings aren't THAT bad anymore either...well, when I have enough sleep in me...
All in all, things are getting better. I can't WAIT for Karl to be done with school so we can share more of the responsibilities and be a better team.
Next post: The baby items we use the most!
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