What Comes with Breast Cancer?

I have started this blog post a bunch, but then I stop.

Every. Single. Time.

When I don’t have control over things, it feels uncomfortable - scary at times - and so much easier to ignore. But when cancer is involved, you can’t just pretend it’s not there.

My mom and my sweet lil niece Audrey

Most of you have been following my mom’s journey with breast cancer. It all happened so fast and caught us off guard. But statistics are now showing that we’re all going to be faced with cancer at some point in our lives. The fact that she’s made it into her 60s without any history up until this point "is great", according to the doctor.

I lose my breath at the thought of all this - cancer feels like it's taking over at times - but let me continue on. 

A month ago, my mom had an appointment with a new surgeon who would do another lumpectomy. She would cut into my mom’s left breast, remove and mark more positive margins and remove and test three lymph nodes. If there was cancer detected in any of the lymph nodes, they’d keep testing until the last lymph node showed no sign of cancer.

The first lumpectomy my mom had, the surgeon removed all the breast cancer and positive margins but didn’t mark where he collected the positive margins from. During a lumpectomy, the surgeon’s goal is to take out all the breast cancer, plus a rim of normal tissue around it. This is to be sure all the cancer has been removed.

During or after surgery, a pathologist looks at the tissue that’s been removed to make sure there are no cancer cells in the margin. A clear, negative, or clean margin means there are no cancer cells at the outer edge of tissue that was removed. A positive margin means that cancer cells come right out to the edge of the removed tissue and have ink on them. 

My mom was able to find out that day with the first surgeon that there were stage 0 and 1 cells in the tumor that was removed from her left breast. They just need to find out what grade. The grade would determine how fast this cancer was growing. When those results came back, my mom found out her cancer was a grade 1 – the slowest growing. She had her age and post-menopausal factor to thank for that. And he was sure he had removed all the cancer.

The next step was to meet with an oncologist and radiologist, which she did and loved. After speaking to the radiologist, she suggested my mom meet with a female surgeon who wanted to test her lymph nodes to be safe.

This is when she found out the positive margins weren’t marked specifically so she would also have to do another lumpectomy. So during my mom's second lumpectomy, the surgeon ran the lymph nodes off for testing while my mom was under. No further cancer of any form was detected in any of the lymph nodes. GREAT NEWS!!!

The surgeon sent extra breast tissue off to the Mayo to ensure there were no more cancer cells in the breast tissue. Seemed like everything was going to turn out just fine after all. Whew.

My parents left in good spirits since the news of the lymph nodes was great! But my poor mom was once again in pain and learned she would never be able to get her blood pressure taken from her left arm again or get blood drawn because they had removed lymph nodes from her armpit. Hearing this bummed me out. It’s the little things, I guess. Just one of the things we take for granted.

My mom was to REST and go back a week later and discuss possible radiation treatments and a certain medication she could take. Not the best of best news, but so much better than what could be, right? We will take it! My mom went home but never handles medication well and spent the evening throwing up.  We'e very much alike when it comes to medications. Our bodies just don’t handle.

I was feeling so guilty that I wasn’t with her because I was in California for a Beachbody Coaching Leadership Retreat and it took every OUNCE of me to leave my boys, let alone be even more miles away from her during this surgery. My anxiety levels were at an ALL-TIME HIGH. So when I got the good news, I felt like everything was right with the world and I could breathe a little more.
A week went by and my mom decided that she’d go forward with radiation.  But when she sat with the surgeon she didn’t expect the news she got. The tissue that was removed came back with some stage 0 (pre cancer) and some stage 1 cancer cells. Nooooooooo!! So that meant there were still cancer cells growing in her breast. I can only imagine what my parents felt, let alone my mom. Defeated? Frustration? Shock? Fear?

The surgeon suggested a mastectomy, followed by possible chemo. And then gave my mom some options. She could go ahead and get a mastectomy and leave it at that and look for a prosthetic boob or find an entire new surgeon and get the mastectomy and get reconstructive surgery. That specific hospital did not offer reconstructive surgery.

My mom went home stunned. She’d have to go through even MORE? What if this was just the beginning? What if her time here was shorter than she thought? What if she removed her breasts and the cancer had nowhere to go and ended up in a new spot? What if… What if…

(I only know these thoughts because she shared them with me in a moment on the phone. I appreciated her vulnerability but I don’t think I slept very much that night. Things became very real.)

She spent time looking at her chest in the mirror apologizing to her smaller breasts for all the times she criticized them for being less than perfect. She spent time visualizing her body without her most feminine parts in hopes maybe this would prepare her better.

Personally, I’m not sure how to prepare yourself for losing a part of you. I keep thinking what if someone said, well, I’m just going to take a couple fingers or toes? Is that different than removing your breasts? No matter what part of our body, they are all part of who we are.  

So my mom gathered all her results and went to a new hospital that offered a team of doctors for both the mastectomy and reconstructive surgery so she can get it all done at once. She met with the surgeon and plastic surgeon and felt really good with how thorough they were with her. They also said the chance of the other breast getting cancer is around 20%. So my mom is opting for a double mastectomy. The surgery should last around five hours and it will be painful – she was given an instructional video to watch.

She has met with a new oncologist (who she loved and made eye contact the entire time) who says after her breasts are removed, she will not need further treatment. Her double mastectomy, followed by reconstructive surgery, is scheduled in early March. 

So here’s to more prayers, lots of them, please!! For a healthy, quick recovery.

This is how I’ve been praying, “God. Please give my mom the wisdom and strength to make the right choices for herself so she will live out the healthiest and longest, most joyful life possible. Lead her to the right team of doctors to help her through this and comfort her through this recovery period. Fill her with sunshine and shoot sunbeams throughout her body to melt away any negativity, sadness, uncertainty, or bad cells that do not belong. Keep her strong. Fill her with hope and love daily. Hold her in the palm of your hands. I trust you. Amen.”

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Want to Join Me for Coffee?

Good to see you!! Thanks for joining me for coffee again. 

Although, I’m trying to get more water versus coffee, I always notice when I don’t get enough water the right side of my face starts to break out more and I get more leg cramps at night. So chugging water over here. My husband always laughs at me anyway when I say I'm going to have coffee because it's about 5 sips worth. 

ANYWAY...how have things been going for you?

If we were having coffee, this is what I’d say …

I’d let you know I talked to my mom yesterday and she goes in for more surgery next week Thursday. She met with a new female surgeon who also talked to my mom’s cardiologist down the hall so they are on the same page. My mom felt great about that visit. The surgeon plans to go in and remove even more tissue and the positive margins that were on the lump (that weren’t marked by the first surgeon) and then start with removing 3 lymph nodes. If there are signs of cancer in those, they will keep testing and removing lymph nodes until there is no sign of cancer in the last node. It sounds like there are about 30 lymph nodes in the breast? I'm learning as we go too! She will have a large dent in her breast that will fill with water and then she will have options of what she wants to do depending how things come back. I continue to be positive and visualize the sun filling her body every day and melting away and “dark” areas.

I’d let you know about Nathan and how he is extremely clingy right now. He hangs on to me for dear life. He’ll walk away for a few, play and runs back and snuggles up into me. It is quite sweet because he is SO miniature and cuddly, but that sure makes dinner time or doing much of anything productive tough. The spaces where his eye teeth will be coming in are swollen so we know what's on the horizon soon. He’s back to waking with screams during the night. His latest obsession is with light switches. He likes everything but his toys. He loves his winter hat and walking around with it and his jacket. He pulls out everyone’s shoes and then puts them all back, or hides them. And he is my chocolate lover. He can’t get enough. It’s a true obsession and I think I ate too much when I was pregnant with him. Oops.

I’d let you know that after a week of hanging out with my dad, Jackson started singing Polish. He shocked my dad when he walked downstairs and sang and recited the entire song my dad sang to him in Polish the day before. This kid is a sponge. He is hilarious and is ALL BOY. We talk about anatomy often. He’s asking a LOT of questions. Oh, and because Nathan’s latest obsession is light switches, Jackson's obsession is ...ummm....light switches! He was even put in a timeout because he switched off the lights at daycare.  The other day I told him how frustrated I was with how my day was going. I groaned out loud. And he says this, 

Jackson: “Mom. Why are you so frustrated?”

Me: “Nothing seems to be going the way I planned so I’m frustrated. I worked really hard and things aren’t falling into place.”

Jackson: “Oh.”

Me: “What should I do? What do you do when you’re frustrated?”

Jackson: “I pray to God. You should do that and he will take your mad away.”

POOF. Frustrations gone. Who is this kid and how did we get so lucky?

I’d let you know that I did a really hard thing. I booked my trip for Leadership Training in L.A. for Beachbody coaching. Because I ended the year as a Premiere Coach, I was invited to this trip. I just wasn’t sure how to present it to Karl. I knew I had to break a pattern I was creating of always saying "NO" to these amazing trips I was earning, but change is hard and leaving my kids is pretty much a no-go for this girl. I know doing the hard thing brings really good things. BUT the guilt was eating at me. I already feel guilty when I have to leave my kids for work. 

This is a HUGE deal though. I can't pass it up. And soooo...I did it. 

The last time I have gone anywhere without kids was when I was pregnant with Jackson (so I guess I was with child) and we went to Vegas over 4 years ago. Most of the time I slept though because I was so tired.

Anyway, I was SO nervous asking Karl if I could go. Would he laugh? Would he roll his eyes? Would he be frustrated with me? I have worked SO hard in my business as a health and fitness coach and earned this trip. And I know if I want to grow, I have to go. I have to do the hard thing. The thing that makes me so uncomfortable I want to jump out of my skin.

But all of a sudden he saw the Tiffany earrings come in, then the flowers, then my quarterly bonus check, then the recognition and me being announced on stage. He saw me jumping up and down and the passion oozing through every being of my body. He started to pay attention. 

With a dry mouth and a million nerves, I shared with him how important this was for me…for US and our future. I switched kid’s appointments around, made sure I stocked the freezer with easy to make foods and soon I booked the flights and hotel. I am so exited to go but so scared too. I can’t wait to be a sponge and soak up EVERYTHING I learn and apply it in my business and share with the leaders on my team. And I already can't wait to see my kids. Oh, and Karl too:) 

And then I booked our trip for Punta Cana in 2017 because as a Premiere coach I get to register early. I've had a lot of people ask about coaching so I'm running a One HOUR Sneak Peek into coaching right on Facebook. Fill this out and I'll get you in on Sunday evening. It's a great place to ask questions and learn more about coaches and see how other busy people are able to do this from all walks of life! 

 

I’d let you know that I’ve been doing a lot of goal setting and simplifying of my life. Sometimes my head spins with all that goes on, but once I get things down on paper and split out by quarter, I can stay focused on my goals and keep moving forward, rather than feeling stuck and doing nothing because there is so much going on! I work hard and early so when it comes to my family, I can spend time focusing on them and being present. They are my everything!.

I’d let you know that I’m in week two of Hammer and Chisel and feeling awesome. I seriously love this workout. I was telling my challenge group that the latest workout felt like I was back playing volleyball again warming up before a big game, just 30 minutes more. I can definitely see and feel changes in my body and energy levels!  I’m not going to lie though, I sure do love the “recover” day.  My next online bootcamp starts February 1 and I'm looking for a few more people to transform their bodies and lives! Register here. 

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Mom's Cancer Report from Mayo

Current Diagnoses: Stage 1 and Grade 1 Breast Cancer

First of all, you guys are amazing. Thank you! Thank you! I can't even thank you enough for the messages and texts and all the ways you have reached out to me (and my mom). Thank you SO much. Your prayers are working and we couldn't be more grateful. Thank you! Thank you! (If I could say it a million times, I would.) If I haven't responded yet, please don't think your message went unread. Each one has meant SO much to us!!! Like my mom told me, the messages are so encouraging and supportive but at the same time she just wanted to feel normal yesterday and get her head on right for today. So she cleaned the house.

It always feels weird being vulnerable - to put yourself out there. I'm never sure how things are going to come out or how people will perceive things, but I really wanted to share my mom's story because

1. I wanted all the prayers we could get for her. Prayer is incredibly powerful and can truly create miracles.

 and

2. I wanted to make others aware that cancer doesn't discriminate and we need to be our own best advocates when it comes to our health. Maybe her story can save someone else.

With that said, my mom's results...

Doctor says GOOD.

Stage 1

Grade 1 (lowest grade and slowest growing)

Estrogen Receptive - positive (score 4)

Progesterone Receptive - negative (score 0)

HER2/neu - negative

The surgeon said that BEST case would be to have all of the reports come back positive (but I'm not sure that seems right after reading into it so if anyone has more info on this, send my way). They aren't 100% sure if it's in lymph nodes (as far as they can feel, it doesn't seem that way). They will do a MRI with dye. They aren't overly concerned so her next appointment is January 7 with oncologist and a radiologist. 

Her options as of now until further testing is done are: 
1. lumpectomy 
2. partial mastectomy 
3. Full mastectomy (The first two options would require radiation). 

Will keep you updated as we go. And I would love to hear your story if you have been through this. You can email me at christie.koester@gmail.com. Again, thank you for holding my mom (and all of us) in your prayers and for all your wonderful support. I can't thank you enough!!! For real. It's the most incredible feeling knowing you have a community of amazing people surrounding you. God is SO good.

Thank you.

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When Your Mom Gets Diagnosed with Cancer

Waiting for results on your mom’s 2 cm tumor in her left breast ranks right up there with child birth.

But let’s start from the beginning. Mornings in our house. Whoa. I’m usually late to work even with getting up at 5 a.m.  Nathan always seems to poop on our way out the door and Jackson gets so darn mad at his coat when it doesn’t click and zip. It’s a full on shuffle-hustle to get out of the house.

Last Thursday, I made it to work without spilling coffee or getting any stains on my shirt. Success! I threw my bags on the floor next to my desk. My work phone blinked letting me know I had a message. 

I logged in to my computer, brought up Google, checked email, sipped coffee, started writing out my to-do list and texted Karl things that kept popping up in my head. In one text I might have accused him of slipping sugar in my coffee. It tasted sweeter. Was he trying some kind of experiment on me? I clicked to listen to my voice message. Oh, wait, it was Karl! But why was he leaving me a message at work? As I waited for his voice, I kept busy catching up on emails. Maybe he thought of something to get Jackson for Christmas. “Hey babe. It’s me. I know I just saw you but I want you to know I love you.” I froze. “I also want you to know how much you mean to me and the boys. I don’t think you realize how strong you really are…” He went on.

A lump grew in my throat. I swallowed. Tears pooled in my eyes. His words were the hug I so desperately needed right then and there. 

As I listened to the message for the tenth time, a text from my dad flashed on my cell. “Mom just went in.”

I played it off cool. “K! Thank you.” But I was not feeling cool at all. 

Everything was going to be fine. I pushed doubt away. She’s my mom. She is strong. She will always be here. This is what I FORCED myself to think the past several days leading up to her appointment when any bad thought tried to leak in. I literally had to stop myself from thinking any bad thought multiple times in an hour, sometimes a minute. It took work. A lot of work and prayer. I realized I've been programmed to think the worst. But the second I went down that scary, dark path, I knew I was in trouble. Big trouble.

Shoot. I never asked how long this could take. Most people ask that question. Why didn’t I? She’s my mom for goodness sake. Part of me was thankful I was at work and not with the boys because I would’ve taken my nerves out on them. I know me. I know how I am under pressure. I needed serious laser focus. I busied myself learning the difference between a valve, slider and gripper. I never loved pneumatic components more.

An hour passed. Nothing. I continued to bite my nails.

My mom is chatty, I thought. Knowing her she probably was asking the surgeon a ton of questions and started to ask the nurse about her kids and distracted them. Maybe they hadn’t even started. She did say the surgeon busted up laughing at her during her consultation.

Another 15 minutes. I started to get jumpy. Seriously what was taking so long? I sent my dad a text. “How long did they say it would take?”

Nothing. The nail beds on my left hand started to bleed. I really need to stop biting.

Great. What if they called my dad in and there’s cancer all over her body? What if my dad had a heart attack right on the floor and they are wheeling him to the nearest operating room? What if my mom is throwing up all over the floor? She never seems to handle drugs very well. What if it is cancer? What happens then? My chest tightened. Panic settled in. I was at work. I had to remain calm. What could I do??

“Hello, God? Do you hear me? This can’t be cancer. It can’t. I know I need to trust you but why is this happening? Help me understand. This is not it.”

I've been listening to a book on audible called "The Circle Maker" on my way to and from work.  I'm so grateful that I have been making time for Personal Development in my life. This book couldn't have come at a better time. The author of the book suggests praying circles around your biggest dreams and fears. The author mentions God's grammar and says, "Never put a comma where God puts a period. And never put a period where God puts a comma." Sometimes we feel a period in our prayers. We think it's the end and all we hear is God's silence. But really there's just a comma - there's a break or pause and we must continue to pray through the "conjunction". So even when God feels a million miles away and things don't quite make sense, you put a comma right there in your prayer and keep on praying. "Hard times are the best teachers of hard prayer." 

I checked my phone a million times. What was going on? I should be there. Instead I’m 5 hours away. Is this how it’s supposed to be? What if the whole reason I moved up here is so…so…I can handle the outcome of this better? If I never moved away, things would be different. Oh, God. What if I’m living up here because…. No. STOP. I can’t think this way. I needed to be strong. For my mom. I knew she was trying her best to remain positive but her texts the night before scared me. I can imagine she was in bed thinking the worst.

My phone lit up. My heart jumped to my throat. A TEXT FROM MY MOM!!! “I’m out of surgery! Already got the results so call me when you have a chance. Not that bad.” 

So typical of my mom to send an upbeat text after surgery. I physically felt the relief in her words. The fact that SHE texted ME  already made me feel better. I sprinted to my old “pumping” station down the hall and shut the door. I didn’t even turn on the lights.

“Mom! You already have the results?” I’m not even sure what else I said. I do remember feeling like I was tripping over my words because I was thinking faster than I could talk.

“They got everything! They did it right then and there which is amazing! He sterilized the room and put the tent up around me and gave me the stuff they give you when you get a root canal. He cut under my breast and got the tumor out and had a guy waiting outside the door and sent it right to pathology.” She paused. It was like her voice dropped ten levels. And I knew what was coming next. “I do have breast cancer though. Shoot.”

“Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.” I know you’re not supposed to swear around your mom but it’s what came out naturally, which is weird because we never swear around my mom. All of a sudden I felt like I was in a worm hole and I was 10 again waiting in line for the Batman roller coaster at Six Flags Great America - my mom next to me just as excited as us kids to try the ride out. This specific roller coaster charges over all the heads waiting in line, whipping hair with its rush of wind and leaving behind a noise that travels through your entire body like a cannon, right to your core. 

My phone kept cutting in and out as she talked. I felt like I was removed from the conversation. What does this mean? I only have a little more time with her?  She’s going to lose her hair? She’ll be sick in bed? I tried to gather bits and pieces and raced to my work phone to call my mom back. “I’m back. Repeat everything.”

“Wow. You sound so much clearer. You always sound so muffled on your cell phone. Like you’re in a tin can.”

My shoulders relaxed. She really is OK.

“The doctor is hopeful. Pathology says it’s Stage 1. Because of my age and I’m post-menopausal, my chances are good. If it were you or Amy, it’d be a different story. They are sending my labs up to Mayo to figure out the grade and next step. Even if it’s a fast growing tumor, the surgeon feels like he got everything. And he said it was in a great spot. I will know more on Thursday.”

I don’t know why but a wave of calm rushed over me. Was it because the doctors prepared us earlier that week for what it could be and slowly but surely we all started to go down that dark path and were expecting worse, and this news seemed to be a little better? She had several doctors look at her scans and saw the “shadow” and mentioned it “looks like cancer”. I really think it’s because I heard the relief and hope in my mom’s voice. She seemed OK, so I was going to be too.  

I feel like in today’s world, it’s more common to get called back after a mammogram if something doesn’t look right. My mother-in-law just had to go back for a second look. Her mom had the same thing. My good friend had a biopsy. Everything turned out great. "Stop worrying. It's going to be fine," they said. But there was just something different with my mom's. I think my mom felt it too. Maybe because my grandma, two months earlier, also heard that she has breast cancer. With absolutely no history at all in our family, this throws all my theories out the window. The doctor said stress seems to be playing a key role when it comes to cancer diagnoses. Could it be that?

But with everything in life, there aren’t answers to everything. It's probably better this way as hard as it is to accept. What I do know is my mom is healthy. She eats a lot of organic foods and rarely eats sugar. She has never been a big drinker and she works out regularly. Her faith is strong. And there are a lot of people praying.

My mom also hadn’t gone in for a mammogram in three years. She was just following the 2-3 years rule until her next one and then time slipped by between traveling to see grandkids, taking care of your own mom several states away and losing both in-laws in 7 months. 

My mom was the one who caught it. She experienced pain in her breast and felt the lump. She even noticed an indent. It started to bother her so much, she finally went in. Thank GOD she went in.

So what’s next? Prayer. Lots of prayer and patience and waiting to find out those next steps. Please pray with us. Thursday seems so close, and so far away at the same time. 

In the meantime, I picked up the phone and made an appointment. I go in January 29. For now I will get to know my breasts. So I have to ask you...when is your next breast exam? 

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Skin Cancer Prevention - Mole Removal Take III

Preventing Skin Cancer
Early Detection

Here I am again - a year and five more moles later - and more skin carving. Fun stuff. This is my mole/skin post from last year. This will also link you to my mole/skin post from the year before that!

The moles we don't like this year

This past May, I went to the annual skin clinic sponsored by Park Nicollet with my friend Jenna again. (TOTALLY FREE during skin awareness month!) Thinking I might actually be in the clear this year, I instead left with a sheet that looked more like a PeeWee Herman connect-the-dots game and instructions to get in with a skin doctor as soon as I could to get my moles looked at further and cut off. Shoot!

So here I am about to go in and get sliced and diced. Our poor Health Savings Account. But this is why we have insurance, right? This is what that account is for... That, and the delivery of another baby. It'll be an expensive year for us. New car, house, baby, medical costs. Am I missing anything? Why not throw it all together in a nice neat package?

Yes, I do realize moles do change during pregnancy. However, I also know I am my best advocate and because of my awesome friend Erin who is fighting Stage 4 Melanoma, I don't take my moles or my skin lightly anymore. Not one bit. She if fighting for her life every single day. SHE was the one who saved herself!!

I know all the moles that were marked as suspicious very well. They were the exact moles I'd been watching because each one of them grew in size in a year's time. You know when you get that little voice inside you telling you something isn't right? Yeah. I'd get that voice with all these moles. Is it weird that the volunteer doctor picked them out too?

Mole growth is one of the early signs of skin cancer. They are small now (smaller than a pencil eraser), but are a lot bigger than they were last year. I decided to choose piece of mind over worry. (Come on, like I have time to worry about another thing). Once these are gone, I should have nothing to worry about until the next year when five more moles come off. :)

And for your enjoyment, here are the moles coming off! I couldn't get a photo of the two on my upper back and was going to ask Karl to take the photos but the All-Star game was in Minnesota and his favorite baseball player was involved (Pat Neshek). I knew what that meant!!! DO NOT DISTURB.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on the results! Do me a favor though - PLEASE get your skin checked today.

Leg

back of arm

Front of leg

Upper thigh

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Skin Check - You Are Your Best Advocate for Your Health

Don't Ignore Your Moles

For the past four years I’ve been getting my skin looked over. Why? Well, I think it all started when I read an article in Glamour about a 26 year old who faced melanoma. Her story shook me to my core. 

She died.

She never experienced love, marriage, being a mom or traveling the world. She wasn’t going to Happy Hours or running outside or joining volleyball leagues. Instead she was trying to survive another day. All because of one annoying mole that she ignored for years and many summers spent in the sun.

The mole on my foot that I pointed out to the skin doctor last Saturday. It's gone now.

Sounded very much like me. She was fair skinned. She had blonde hair. She had blue eyes. She fake-baked in her younger years (Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!). She ran outside as often as she could. She rarely used sunscreen…

I don’t think I slept for two nights. What if that was me??? Her story could have been mine.

The only way I felt better about things was making an appointment to see a skin doctor. Though I was scared half to death to go in. What if? What if? What if? And I was so worried I’d get lectured. No, I didn't wear sunscreen every single time I went outside. Yes, sometimes I tanned so much I looked like a dried up prune. I sucked it up though. I had to take care of me. I mean, I survived my parents lecturing me all the time. I could handle a doctor yelling at me.

My first appointment I was paired with a male doctor who was rather old. He did a full body scan with only his eyes. All the moles I pointed out he waved off. “Just keep an eye on them.”

Wasn’t I doing that though?

He never yelled at me either for being tan from my recent trip to Arizona, or our honeymoon to St. Lucia, or the trip to South Africa....

I was sent home with a clean bill of health. I relaxed a bit. Then mid-way through the year I was sent a letter that my skin doctor had retired and I’d have to find a new doctor. I’d take care of this when I had time, I thought. I was much too busy.

The letter gathered dust.

The next May rolled around (skin awareness month) and there were more articles in my health magazines about suspicious moles. They sure looked like the ones on my stomach—all jagged, dark and big—but the old-man doctor said they were fine. I was fine. I took a deep breath. Tossed the magazines to the side and told myself I was being a worry wart.  I went to Mexico with my in-laws and got all tan.

(Here are some pics of my moles on my stomach while vacationing on our Mexico trip.)

Then my brother called. Our good friend and travel partner, Erin, was diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma. What? How? She was never tan!!! There was a mole on her upper back that itched and bled on her backpacking trip to Australia. She had gone in and the doctors told her she was fine, but she told them to test it anyway. BAM. Stage IV Melanoma. Erin shares her story on her blog: Melanoma in the City.

I couldn’t sleep for days. I called Park Nicollet and asked to see someone new as soon as possible. Usually it takes months to get in, but they were able to get me in the NEXT DAY.

This particular doctor doesn’t mess around with melanoma. Her nurse’s husband passed away from it. A mole was found UNDERNEATH his fingernail. But they found it too late. UGH!!

The doctor never screamed at me for being tan from my trip to Mexico. Phew. But those worrisome moles on my stomach? GONE. One big one was removed THAT DAY. I had stitches coming out of my stomach like spider legs. (My husband gladly removed them two weeks later.)

I freaked out waiting for the results. It came back as atypical nevus. Basically these types of moles have an 80% chance of EVENTUALLY turning into melanoma because there are atypical cells swimming around the area. To ease my fears, the mole was dug out deep enough so I would never have to worry about it again. The drill freaked me out. The smell of burning skin, kind of gross. And yes, I have a scar, but I’ll take that over worrying. I was instructed to come back again in a year.

Soon I became pregnant. Moles have a way of changing during pregnancy, but I kept an eye on them. Though I was doggone tired that first month after Jackson was born and clueless as to what I was doing, I still went in for my yearly appointment. Yes, I was leaking all over but I now take my skin seriously. I'm a mom and I need to be here for my son. I don't mess around.

TWO more moles were removed. Two more sets of spider legs coming out of my stomach (try nursing a newborn with your tummy cut up.) A total of three scars on my stomach. Same results: atypical nevus. Then I was told my skin doctor was moving to a different clinical. NO! I’d have to find someone else!!

A year blinked by and it was May again and I didn’t have a skin doctor. Shoot. Time slipped away. My great friend Jenna told me about a FREE skin clinic Park Nicollet was having at Methodist hospital. I dragged Karl with and the three of us went. We had to fill out paperwork before we undressed and met with a dermatologist. Again, they asked if I ever fake-baked. Why did I ever think fake-baking was cool???

Two more suspicious moles caught the attention of the dermatologist, but one of them I pointed out. I noticed a mole on my foot growing in size (see pic above). To her, a mole on the foot is unusual and the fact it was getting bigger is a huge red flag. The second one was on my upper back and looked similar to the ones that were removed from my stomach.

This time it took almost two months to get in to get them removed. They couldn't remove them at the clinic. I went in last Saturday morning. And instead of drilling into my skin and stitching me up, they numbed the spots and took razor blades to a large area around the moles. Let me tell you, it’s something weird looking at a dish and seeing your mole chilling in it.

I also had THREE separate doctors look me over, AND a nurse. WHOA. All asked me if I was feeling OK. Maybe I should have put makeup on that morning. I did look a little rough.

The head doctor stopped on a mole on my leg. She questioned me right away about it. It was tiny, but DARK and a little raised on one side. She wanted it gone. There are three similar ones on my leg so I took a picture of those so I could compare.

Similar mole on my leg of the one that was sliced off and tested.

 

I get the results on Friday. All the doctors told me I should go home with a clear mind versus an anxious one. They weren’t too alarmed about any of them, though the one on my leg seemed odd. So we will see. I couldn’t help but think of my friend Erin because the doctors told her the same thing…

As I wait, this is me encouraging all you readers of my blog to GO in and get looked over. PLEASE. Why? Skin cancer is the MOST COMMON CANCER in the UNITED STATES. And it doesn't matter if you have darker skin, lighter skin, blonde hair, brown hair...etc. 

I asked the doctor who his most frequent patients are. Most right now: teenage girls. All who fake-bake. All skin types. But a lot of his patients are twenty/thirty something people too. All skin types. Most skin cancers (even melanoma) are treatable if you get to it early enough.

AND…YOU ARE YOUR BEST ADVOCATE when it comes to YOUR HEALTH. GO YOU!!!

 

 

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Star Tribune Blog - Are you Waiting on Something?

My latest blog in Star Tribune! Are You Waiting on Something?

Waiting. I feel like I've been doing that a lot. You?
 Read more.

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Living in the Moment

It's hard to do but maybe living is better than all that waiting

I'll be posting my next Star Tribune blog in the next couple of days. It has to do with waiting. Waiting is one of the hardest things to do, and also the most stressful. Sometimes we have no control over the way things turn out or the end result of something. Yet, we always seem to think we have all the control and easily let the worry(ing) eat us alive. We seem to forget that sometimes we need to let go (and let God) in order for the problem/fear to work itself out. I know I'm guilty of it. 

For instance, I had a mole cut out on Monday. No bigs, right? We all have moles removed now and then, right? Well, it kind of was a bigger deal. I took two years off from seeing the skin doctor. ----> insert stupid button here <----- I tan incredibly well. Friends think my skin is made of special sun-soaking material. My family says I inherited my grandpa's skin. That's good because, boy, do I love the sun. It feels good on my face. I'm happier when the sun is out, even more when I'm laying out. For once I finally feel warm when I'm basking under it. In my mind I think I'm invincible. There isn't any family history of anyone dying from skin cancer, that I know of...well, okay, my mom had two spots of pre-cancer found on her face. That was my first warning sign. And the fact I have blue eyes, blonde hair and fair skin was the next.

But I guess I pushed that aside. The sun loves me and I love it. But my last visit to the skin doctor kept popping up in my mind. He stopped on a mole located on my breastbone and told me to keep an eye on it. Since then, I have but it didn't sound so serious. If he was really worried, he would have shown more concern, right?

Since that visit, I've been to St. Lucia, Mexico, California, and Arizona (three times), and sure enjoyed all that sunshine. My husband kept pointing out the mole though. And when we found out the horrible news that our dear friend Erin was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma, Karl practically yelled at me to get in to see the doctor. For a night I tossed and turned and felt bothered that he was so mad, but I knew why. He cares.

Fun in the sun! I was wearing sunscreen! Sun is brutal in Mexico!

I made my appointment and both the nurse and doctor didn't think my tanning habits were very funny. I undressed. Laid on the table and the doctor scanned every inch of my skin. Of course she just had to stop on the mole that's been giving me troubles. She said she wanted to biopsy it because it "looked suspicious." That word sounds so scary.

"Can you do it now?" I asked, surprising myself. Now? Did I just say that? I wasn't even giving myself a minute to think about it. Not when I heard Erin's story and how she wished she had her mole biopsied back in 2009 when she felt something was wrong with it. Ahh, intuition. Mine was telling me to have mine removed. Number one rule: listen to that voice whispering and pushing you.

Me and Karl looking majorly TAN in Riviera Maya.

I was moved to another room and laid on a table that resembled the operation tables on the show ER. Keep in mind the only surgery I've had was tubes in my ears when I was two (do not remember) and on my wisdom teeth. I didn't mind that I was completely exposed lying on the table with lights shining down on me. I just wanted the mole off. The doctor wiped some ointment and cloth along my skin and stuck a needle in close to the mole. "This will pinch."

A month before I had just gotten two fillings so I remembered what that "pinch" felt like. And to tell you the truth, it feels worse to get fillings or to give blood than have a mole removed.

Soon she was cutting it out with a tool that sounded like a drill. The smell was interesting, but it was over in three minutes. The nurse asked if I wanted to come back in 14 days later so they could remove the stitches. I opted to have my husband do it. He likes to cut out his own ingrown toenails, so part of me knew he'd have no problem snipping them out. (Yes, I love him for his weirdness.)

Friday, I got home from work and a letter sat in the pile of mail from Park Nicollet. I opened it and saw a pamphlet stuck in the mix. My heart dropped. Crap. They're trying to educate me on the type of mole I have. But my eyes landed on the results: atypical nevus. No cancer. (Huge sigh of relief.) There were more scribbles from the doctor and I couldn't make out most of her writing or code jargon. However, she asked to see me for 20 minutes. So that will be my next plan of attack, as well as always wearing sunscreen (and not just on my face).

Mole, Before (In St. Lucia - August 2009)



Mole, After - buh bye (April 2011)

So my question to you is...have you had your skin checked lately? What are you waiting for? Some of the facts below from The Skin Cancer Foundation might persuade you...

1. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States. More than 3.5 million skin cancers in over two million people are diagnosed annually. 
2. Each year there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon. 
3. One in five Americans will develop skin cancer in the course of a lifetime.
4. Over the past 31 years, more people have had skin cancer than all other cancers combined.
5. Nearly 800,000 Americans are living with a history of melanoma and 13 million are living with a history of nonmelanoma skin cancer, typically diagnosed as basal cell carcinoma or squamous cell carcinoma.

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Oh, Cancer...How I hate thee....

Cancer. Ugh, how I despise you.

Even the word sounds cold. Who gave it this title anyway? Isn't it an astrological sign? Can it really mean two completely different things?

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like cancer is closing in. And what I mean by this is I feel like it's everywhere. Who doesn't know someone who has or had cancer? Was it like this back in the day?

I read an alarming statistic on Lance Armstrong's LIVESTRONG website. "28 million people live with cancer."

My grandma's sister was diagnosed in October with pancreatic cancer. On Thursday (just eight months later) she lost her life. A friend of ours rushed to the altar to make sure her dad could walk her down the aisle. She lost him to cancer a couple years later and just heard the devastating news her mom has stage four lung cancer. My friend's dad - a wrestler in the Olympics - was diagnosed with cancer. Yes, the Olympics. Please, someone explain this to me. He passed away two years ago. I guess we could bring up Lance Armstrong too. How can an elite athlete, someone so healthy, get sick? And then there's my college friend. Her personal story shook me to the core. Being only twenty-something at the time, she found out her mom had breast cancer. Her mom lost her battle, followed by her dad just nine months later. Say what? How does one go on?

These are all horrible, heart-wrenching stories. And now...one of our travel buddies and dear friends, Erin Youngerberg, found out back in late October she has malignant melanoma (read her blog here). She is 32. A kid! Last week she learned she has stage 4 melanoma in her lungs. I am so mad right now. Why? Why God? Why her? Why now? Why does this have to happen? 

My friend Erin's blog about Malignant Melanoma

It makes me more determined than ever to find a cure or at least become more aware of ways to prevent it. I feel like cancer isn't going away, it's becoming a topic tossed around at the dinner table.

"Oh, yeah, just found out so-and-so has cancer..."

This scares me. It shouldn't be this way. When is it going to stop? When is it going to leave us alone?

At night my brain runs a mile a minute. Why is cancer becoming more prevalent in today's world? Is it genes? Is it the toxins in the environment and our food? Is it all the hormones we digest in meats and milk? Are we too stressed? Are we doing too much too fast and wearing our bodies out? Do we need to slow down? Does it have to do with the fact 60 percent of the US population is overweight? Is it cell phones and time spent on computers and standing next to printers and fax machines? Or didn't doctors know how to diagnose some cancers properly twenty years ago and with the latest technology they can today? Someone needs to explain this to me!

As I was whining to my trainer at Life Time Fitness how fearful I am of cancer, he suggested I check out a book. He said it'll open my eyes and steer me in the right direction at least. It's called Cracking the Metabolic Code, 9 Keys to Optimal Health by Dr James Lavalle. But what does this have to do with cancer, I wondered? I went to the website and read the product review and was intrigued...

Doctors traditionally prescribe a pill for every ill. But for most people, these single solutions don't work. The truth is, most chronic health problems, including stubborn weight gain, unbeatable fatigue, intestinal distress, high blood pressure, creeping cholesterol, and high blood sugar, are not found in simply one organ, but in several parts of the body (often times in twos and threes). This is the result of years of slow, subtle challenges to your metabolism, which is as unique as you are. Your lifestyle habits, stress level, prescription drug use, and relationships, as well as the genes you inherit and the environment in which you live-in effect, the sum total of your life experience up to this day-determine your personal metabolism and, in turn, your current state of health.  

So I'm hoping to read it soon and report back. Or if any of you have read it, please fill me in. In the meantime, sign up to help find a cure on LIVESTRONG.com.

"Friends warm you with their presence, trust you with their secrets, and remember you in their prayer."

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