Ever
have those days where your brain is on FIRE? I’m not talking raging headache
here. I’m talking… you have a million thoughts running through your head and
you can’t focus on one of them? You don’t know where to start? You write out
lists but never get through them? Then your brain feels foggy and this vicious
cycle of getting nothing done progresses? Yep. There right now.
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| OKAY, Dove! Sounds good to me!!! |
We
finally made it to church last Sunday (Jackson made it through a solid 30
minutes before fussing) and it was Mental Health Awareness Sunday. I loved what
the Parish Nurse reminded us because I could resonate with it. Most of us focus
SO much on doing things for others or we put all our attention in one area of
our life that we forget about ourselves and we become unhealthy. We’re too busy
to eat healthy. We have no time to work out. We’re sleeping less. But we keep
going and going and going. And things get messy.
We need
to find balance.
Speaking
of this… I also read that doctors are actually prescribing blog therapy to patients
with crazy lives, depression and internal issues (especially to new moms!!!). I
LOVE THIS. I can’t tell you how much blogging has helped me through everything.
I never knew how controlling I am (and you kind of have to give up the control
part when you become a mom). Well throw thirty-three years of being controlling
into the mix, of course it’s going to be hard!!! Some of you are probably like…DUH!!!
We *knew* you were overly controlling, Christie. HA! More to come on that in a
later post.
I just
don’t know how people mentally survive when they keep everything inside and to
themselves and pretend everything is fabulous. I also realize I kind of stay
away from those people. They make me nervous…
With
that said, I’m in need of a random post so I can get it all out. Here we go…
A friend
I grew up with in Roscoe, Illinois, passed away last week. From ALS. He was 34. 34.
34. 34. What is wrong with this picture??? That is WAY too young, especially to
be faced with ALS. The news shook me to my core. I couldn’t think of anything
but that. What were his final days like? What was going through his head? Did
he do everything he wanted to? What did he wish he did differently? Did the
small things that seem so big to someone like me even cross his mind anymore?
It’s not
like we were close friends. Yet, I knew him fairly well. My high school days were
very sacred to me (yep, one of those!) and my friend who passed away was part
of those sweet memories. PLUS, we both ended up in Minneapolis and reconnected
via email and our blogs. I would invite him to dodgeball and finally he wrote
me, “CHRISTIE…my hand isn’t capable of throwing a dodgeball these days. I’m not
like I used to be.”
Huh? How
is that possible? I didn’t get it. What did he mean??? He was Mr. Soccer Man.
Mr. Energy. Mr. Sarcastic. How could he not throw a ball??? Then I finally sat
back and listened to him. OH…
LIFE IS
SO NOT FAIR. Colin was SUCH a wonderful person. Breaks my heart to see him go.
BUT…I have this feeling he’s kicking a soccer ball AND throwing that dodgeball
in heaven now.
Is it
weird that Boyz II Men, End of the Road
just came on the radio as I’m writing about Colin??? This makes me think
of my high school days SOOO much!!!!!!!!!!!! WEIRD!!!!!!!! They never play that
song on the radio anymore.
I will
say he had one of the coolest obituaries I’ve ever read….
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I’ve
ALWAYS been someone who juggles a million things at once. I’m a “YES” gal. And
I think a lot of people know that about me. I don’t like telling people “no”. A
lot of us have this problem, don’t we? BUT…after becoming a mom and heading
back to work full time, my time means everything to me right now. So I HAVE to
say “no”. There is no way around it, and that is hard.
My mom
keeps reminding me: “Focus on Christie, Karl and Jackson right now.” But it’s
HARD when so many people reach out and one of my favorite things in life is to
make other people HAPPY.
There
has to be another way!
I just
read an article in Women’s Health
about technology and how it has made saying “no” impossible for women. We are so
easy to get ahold of these days and we (women) are people pleasers, so we keep
agreeing to more and more to the point we forget about ourselves.
I can
relate.
The
article also states we need to be aware of those people who KNOW our weakness
because they will suck the time right out of us. The advice was to say “NO” to
everything first and if it comes back to us as a real interest in our minds,
then maybe it’s worth looking into. I like that! I also took the test in the magazine
and failed miserably. I really do have a problem.
I rambled
on to Karl the other night of everything I’ve been asked to do:
1.
Attend
a book study on Thursday nights
2.
Play
volleyball on Monday nights
3.
Play
volleyball on Thursday nights
4.
Sub
for volleyball on Wednesday nights
5.
Help
find a volunteer opportunity for a neighbor
6.
Get
a training session in before my personal trainer leaves
7.
Send
my revised manuscript off to two agents
8.
First
revise my 300-page manuscript STAT
9.
Be
a wedding set-up coordinator for a wedding in February
10. Sell skin products, or at least
find some people who might be interested in selling skin products
11. Help a friend find a good woman
12. Help a friend find a daycare for
her infant son
13. Help a friend with web stuff
14. Figure out why my tailbone hurts
SO bad and schedule physical therapy
15. Call the billing department about
Jackson’s screwed up hospital bill …
16. Get high speed Internet so we can
Skype with my parents without getting kicked off every ten seconds so they get
to see Jackson more.
And that
doesn’t include all the daily chores, or working full time, paying bills and
running errands and cooking and all that stuff. Baaahhahaa. It’s no wonder I
want to be left alone after work is over with and avoid my phone all together. I’m
kind of jealous of my friend who told me her family has banned technology one
night a week from their lives. I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!! I told Karl about it and he
kind of laughed. He told me I wouldn’t be able to do it. Wanna bet?
But maybe
this list of mine is normal for all women? And now that being a mom has become
a priority, I simply can’t handle all that other stuff and those people will
just have to understand. Must focus on us right now. Kind of like my mom says… Those
moms sure do know best.
I don’t
even want to know what it’s going to be like with more kids and sports and
clubs and activities and all the other stuff in between. Yikes! I get it now why you really MUST marry
your best friend, lover, cheerleader and the best person possible for you because
that is the one person you will be leaning on and seeing the most. You want to be
sure to love them but also make sure you will LIKE them for….well…EVER. SO be SMART choosing the right one!!!
Getting
back to things, Karl didn’t really say much when I listed off everything, other
than look at me like good luck with that and kind of softly said, “screw all
that!” So to me, that was his way of telling me I needed to decide what is MOST
important to me right now. So I’m going to write it out:
Obviously my time with Jackson and Karl is most important. That will always come first. I get about 1-2 hours with Jackson after work and maybe an hour with Karl. He is working INSANE hours (and every weekend). I want to do FUN stuff together. I want TIME together. This makes me HAPPY just thinking about it.
WE NEED to get back into the rhythm of going to church on Sunday. I know there are all these great activities going on at church right now but my first step is to go to church as a family. Church is important to me and I want it to be a priority in our lives. A staple. I know what it did to my life. Baby steps. Church first, activities to come.
I really want to revise my book and send it off. That is one of my dreams and it’s not going anywhere if I keep putting it off. I need to make time for it. I need to KNOW if there is hope for my dream and that means trying one more time. It’s impossible to find time for this when I start getting involved in all this other stuff…. I must use my time wisely. And right now my mind is on fire and I’m going in circles because it’s full of clutter.
I’m going to get back to volleyball AFTER the first of the year. Right now, it’s not possible with Karl working as much as he does. He gets home well past 7 p.m. So I’m working on finding time to get a quick run in or a work out in the best I can. Physical activity makes me feel GOOD. Holding myself accountable through this blog too!
I’m JUST
getting about 15-30 minutes back in my night where I can maybe Skype my parents
(if it works), upload and organize pictures of Jackson and go through mail.
Stuff like that. So the only real time I have to do anything is on the
weekends. And I pretty much want to enjoy family time, do laundry and cook up
some healthy meals for the week. That’s where I’m at right now. My head spins
throughout the week, so the last thing I was to do is add more!
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Ever
have a great friend who you’ve lost touch with? You know it was your fault and
there isn’t really an explanation? That’s just a random thing that’s been on my
mind.
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My Dove
chocolate I’m savoring right now says, “You are exactly where you are supposed
to be.” I like that!
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So I
went in to get my tailbone looked at because I can’t stand how bad it hurts
when I sit (especially when I’m driving!!!). I have no idea what is going on.
Basically it feels like there is a 10 pound rock sitting on my tailbone and
anytime I shift, that ball pulls everything around my tailbone with it (and my
bone) and it hurts like crazy. Kind of feels like it’s curling under too. Like
a real tail!!! And it doesn’t help that I SIT all day at work. I wake up and it
feels great, but I sit down to eat my oatmeal and it feels like it’s stretching
beyond belief. Sometimes it feels like the bone is growing longer… Does that
make sense??? All I know is I can barely sit! So I went in to the doctor last
week. Had an X-Ray and found out everything is fine. Karl freaked me out and
said the X-Ray probably killed my eggs. Thank you for that. All I know is my
tailbone doesn’t FEEL fine. So I sucked it up and called for physical therapy.
That starts next week. But I also went in to see a woman chiropractor this
morning who totally understood my body. She gave me a GREAT adjustment and
POOF. RELIEF!!!!!!!!!! As of this morning, so far, so good…but I want to make
sure it sticks. Problem is when does one
find time for something like physical therapy and appointments between working
full time and pumping three times during the work day, and immediately going to
daycare after work to pick up??
Also got
the flu shot. For the second time in my life. Ugh. Didn’t want to but they kind
of made me. Karl also got the flu shot and Tetanus so he could be protected
against Whooping Cough. His arm totally blew up for a few days. YIKES!!!
BUT…here
is the kicker. As I was leaving my appointment, the nurse gave me a sheet
saying I was overweight. It was a BMI sheet. SAY WHAT!?!?!? She said she knew I
just had a baby but she had to give it to me. SAY WHAT!?!??! I’m 7 pounds away
from where I was at before I became pregnant. I mean, I know there is cellulite
now and I am soft around the edges, but OVERWEIGHT????
After I
gained my composure and waited for my X-Ray, I looked at the sheet and connected
my height and weight and I was spot on in the healthy range. What was the nurse
talking about!?!??! Not sure. Kind of annoyed by it. So I hopped on Medica’s website
and did a health assessment test. TOTALLY HEALTHY!! Take that nurse lady.
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My
second dove chocolate says, “Your smile is your best accessory.”
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My THIRD
dove chocolate says, “You’re invited to relax today.”
I think
I’ll do JUST that!
Any
tricks to saying NO and not feeling guilty about it?
