Living in the Moment

It's hard to do but maybe living is better than all that waiting

I'll be posting my next Star Tribune blog in the next couple of days. It has to do with waiting. Waiting is one of the hardest things to do, and also the most stressful. Sometimes we have no control over the way things turn out or the end result of something. Yet, we always seem to think we have all the control and easily let the worry(ing) eat us alive. We seem to forget that sometimes we need to let go (and let God) in order for the problem/fear to work itself out. I know I'm guilty of it. 

For instance, I had a mole cut out on Monday. No bigs, right? We all have moles removed now and then, right? Well, it kind of was a bigger deal. I took two years off from seeing the skin doctor. ----> insert stupid button here <----- I tan incredibly well. Friends think my skin is made of special sun-soaking material. My family says I inherited my grandpa's skin. That's good because, boy, do I love the sun. It feels good on my face. I'm happier when the sun is out, even more when I'm laying out. For once I finally feel warm when I'm basking under it. In my mind I think I'm invincible. There isn't any family history of anyone dying from skin cancer, that I know of...well, okay, my mom had two spots of pre-cancer found on her face. That was my first warning sign. And the fact I have blue eyes, blonde hair and fair skin was the next.

But I guess I pushed that aside. The sun loves me and I love it. But my last visit to the skin doctor kept popping up in my mind. He stopped on a mole located on my breastbone and told me to keep an eye on it. Since then, I have but it didn't sound so serious. If he was really worried, he would have shown more concern, right?

Since that visit, I've been to St. Lucia, Mexico, California, and Arizona (three times), and sure enjoyed all that sunshine. My husband kept pointing out the mole though. And when we found out the horrible news that our dear friend Erin was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma, Karl practically yelled at me to get in to see the doctor. For a night I tossed and turned and felt bothered that he was so mad, but I knew why. He cares.

Fun in the sun! I was wearing sunscreen! Sun is brutal in Mexico!

I made my appointment and both the nurse and doctor didn't think my tanning habits were very funny. I undressed. Laid on the table and the doctor scanned every inch of my skin. Of course she just had to stop on the mole that's been giving me troubles. She said she wanted to biopsy it because it "looked suspicious." That word sounds so scary.

"Can you do it now?" I asked, surprising myself. Now? Did I just say that? I wasn't even giving myself a minute to think about it. Not when I heard Erin's story and how she wished she had her mole biopsied back in 2009 when she felt something was wrong with it. Ahh, intuition. Mine was telling me to have mine removed. Number one rule: listen to that voice whispering and pushing you.

Me and Karl looking majorly TAN in Riviera Maya.

I was moved to another room and laid on a table that resembled the operation tables on the show ER. Keep in mind the only surgery I've had was tubes in my ears when I was two (do not remember) and on my wisdom teeth. I didn't mind that I was completely exposed lying on the table with lights shining down on me. I just wanted the mole off. The doctor wiped some ointment and cloth along my skin and stuck a needle in close to the mole. "This will pinch."

A month before I had just gotten two fillings so I remembered what that "pinch" felt like. And to tell you the truth, it feels worse to get fillings or to give blood than have a mole removed.

Soon she was cutting it out with a tool that sounded like a drill. The smell was interesting, but it was over in three minutes. The nurse asked if I wanted to come back in 14 days later so they could remove the stitches. I opted to have my husband do it. He likes to cut out his own ingrown toenails, so part of me knew he'd have no problem snipping them out. (Yes, I love him for his weirdness.)

Friday, I got home from work and a letter sat in the pile of mail from Park Nicollet. I opened it and saw a pamphlet stuck in the mix. My heart dropped. Crap. They're trying to educate me on the type of mole I have. But my eyes landed on the results: atypical nevus. No cancer. (Huge sigh of relief.) There were more scribbles from the doctor and I couldn't make out most of her writing or code jargon. However, she asked to see me for 20 minutes. So that will be my next plan of attack, as well as always wearing sunscreen (and not just on my face).

Mole, Before (In St. Lucia - August 2009)



Mole, After - buh bye (April 2011)

So my question to you is...have you had your skin checked lately? What are you waiting for? Some of the facts below from The Skin Cancer Foundation might persuade you...

1. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States. More than 3.5 million skin cancers in over two million people are diagnosed annually. 
2. Each year there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon. 
3. One in five Americans will develop skin cancer in the course of a lifetime.
4. Over the past 31 years, more people have had skin cancer than all other cancers combined.
5. Nearly 800,000 Americans are living with a history of melanoma and 13 million are living with a history of nonmelanoma skin cancer, typically diagnosed as basal cell carcinoma or squamous cell carcinoma.

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Mexican Turkey Burger from a Housewife

I can't say I'm a huge fan of the Real Housewives (though I tend to get hooked when I turn it on). I used to watch Real Housewives of Orange County but then all these other states started to follow and I couldn't keep up anymore, plus I couldn't take all the stupid drama. But I can't seem to ignore Bethenny Frankel. She's popping up everywhere, and in my Health Magazines. She always seems to have the greatest recipes too. I decided to give one a try. I promise you, this burger won't disappoint.

Mexican Turkey Burger
serves 4
(found in Health - March 2011)
Bethenny Frankel's recipe

1 pound extra-lean ground turkey breast
1/2 of red and yellow pepper, chopped
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp chili powder
a dash of Tabasco (I used Cholula and just got super pumped because they have a ton of delicious looking recipes on their website!!! SCORE!)

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl. Make 4 patties; put them in the broiler on a foil-lined pan coated with cooking spray. I used our George Forman (thanks Aunt Susan D). Broil patties until done (5-6 minutes on each side). Each one is only 126 calories!! This is 59 calories fewer than a regular turkey burger and 132 calories fewer than a regular burger. Seriously....crazy, good flavor in these!

Karl's reaction: "I think this is one of my top five favorites. Yum, babe!!! It just needed to be cooked a minute less."

Picky...picky...picky!



I added cheese (sorry...it's a Wisconsin thing) and used sweet potato fries and Suddenly Salad as sides.



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Tools Needed to Write a Book

Is it Doable to Write a Book?
We all have dreams (I hope. If not, get to work!). Mine was to write a book. As I wrote, I noticed something rather cool happening to me. Call it confidence or self-assurance, not sure. But my dream kept growing and growing into this wild adventure. Soon I wanted to be published. Then I decided I wanted to write full time as a career. Then I wanted my book to end up on the New York Times Best Seller List...oh, and I wanted to appear on Oprah, of course. Before you roll your eyes, this is what makes dreaming fun. We're allowed to let our minds take us places we've never been because we're kind of accustomed to taking life a little too seriously. Along this adventure I discovered dreaming is what living is about. 

My Focus Wheel. My mom made me design this last year. There are no boundaries. Nothing too stupid or ridiculous sounding (ha!). Keeps me writing (and dreaming)!

1. Set a Goal
Most of you know my story. I took a college course back in the day (UW-Whitewater) and the teacher asked us to write out our dreams and goals. One of mine was to become a writer. I had to put my dreams in a cardboard box, with a candle, noise maker and balloon and uncover the box years later to see if I met the dream. When I found the box several years later, I realized none of my dreams came true and the time had expired. Sad. From that day on, I was determined to make them happen. But life is so busy. There are a million distractions. When my family and I were sitting around a table in South Africa on New Year's Eve, I asked everyone what their goals/resolutions were for the year. When it came to my turn, I smiled and said, "This is the year I'll write my book." It sounded a bit silly coming out, but nobody laughed. And I realized the cat was out of the bag. The scary part? If I didn't do it, they would know. I might look weak. The great part? They could hold me accountable. Ask yourself what is it you want? What will make you happy?



My family in Cape Town, South Africa...moments before we discussed our New Year's Resolutions!



2. Take a Writing Class
When we returned from South Africa, it took awhile to get my focus back (hello...trip of a lifetime). I started to let life take over (again), until our community activity booklet came in the mail and I saw a writer was teaching a four-week writing class. I could handle that! It was all I needed to get started. Though she wasn't a published author (yet), she'd been in the business for several years and knew the ins and outs. She gave us plenty of advice and material to help us along. Plus, I met some great people who live in my community - one who gladly (or so I think) critiques my stuff and I get a man's perspective!

3. Make Time to Write
It's kind of like when you want to lose 15 pounds but in order to get there you have to workout and eat healthy. You know what you need to do to make it happen; yet, you let excuses take over. No more. You need to make writing a priority. Yes, I have a full-time job (8-5), not to mention three/four freelance jobs, volleyball, working out with a trainer, a husband, a house that needs cleaning, etc. But like with everything in life, we learn how to balance and fit everything in. I think back to when I was 12, reading The Babysitters Club books. I woke up, did a few chores, maybe watched some cartoons...sat in my room and read. Ahh, the life. But back then - to me - my life was crazy. Newsflash: every year gets busier and crazier and more insane than the last. You will manage. At least this is what I tell myself. So the minute 5:00 p.m. hit (okay...4:30) I was out the door and on my way to Panera where I'd write until volleyball started. Sometimes I woke up at 4 a.m. (does once count?). Sometimes I spent 10-12 hours on a Saturday AND then again on Sunday writing, editing, rewriting. Yes, I think I need glasses now. Yes, I had a lot of headaches. Yes, I had to miss out on fun nights out with friends and all the other cool stuff going on. But I want this. More than anything. Ask yourself how badly you want it.

4. Join a Critique Group
Gabi, my awesome Brazilian friend who heads up our critique group, and I were discussing this week how our group started. I guess I responded to a post on her blog. And before I knew it, our group was formed. Without them, my manuscript would be a chaotic mess written in passive voice with way too much back story and adverbs. I don't know how I will ever thank them, but we have something special going on! They've been most helpful and not only offer writing support but have become some phenomenal therapists too:)

5. Write Your Story's Synopsis First
The synopsis will more than likely change as you write. However, the last thing you want is to get to Chapter 15 (or any chapter) and get stuck because you're not sure the direction of your story anymore. Or how it's going to end. You get lost. And this is when giving up feels like the only option. I had three or four different synopsis. Thankfully a friend came across my post on Facebook about writing a book and asked to read my synopsis. And thankfully for me, he's a Hollywood screenwriter. He knows how these things work. We went back and forth many times and every time my story grew stronger. It made more sense to me. So thanks to him, I had my synopsis polished before I started writing...even if it was 10-pages single spaced. I can't say I ever got super stuck because I always had the synopsis staring at me in the face, guiding me through. 

6. Write What You Know!
Trust me, it shows and it's so much easier to write when you're passionate about the storyline and your characters. It makes for a great story when your heart is in it. Readers are smart people. They will know.

7. Do NOT Give Up!
If this is what you really want and really love doing, keep going! Our world is full of negativity. You can't let what you read or hear get you down. Everyone has a story to share, but make this adventure YOUR story. Choose how YOU want it to end. I understand how easy it is to throw in the towel. This is probably why only some 10% of people who claim they are "writing a book" have actually finished a manuscript. FINISH it. Your life will change once you write 'THE END'. You will grow a little inside too.

8. Start a Blog
Blogs are loaded with information for writers. There are contests, new agents looking for new writers, writers who are in the same boat as you, writers who have finally gotten published, agents with secrets to share, and so much more. Also, it's fun to track your own journey and to go back and see the mountains you've faced head on and climbed. Some you never thought possible.

9. Keep Adding to Your Goal List and Keep Dreaming!
So my goal was to write a book. I did it. Am I done? Not even close. Like I wrote above, as I started one dream, another one came to me. And another. The amazing part is what happens when we let ourselves dream. And how we grow as people. So get a pen and paper...or start your blog and start jotting down what it is you feel in your heart. Things you want to do with your life. And go after them!

What's your writing journey been like?

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Shrimp "Spear-It"

Asparagus Whole-Wheat Pasta with Lemon Dressing
serves 4
(found in Self, April 2011)

1 lb fresh asparagus, trimmed and cut into bite-size pieces
8 oz whole-wheat penne (I used whatever we had leftover)
a packet of sun dried tomatoes, chopped
a packet of fresh basil, chopped
2 TBS grated lemon zest
2 TBS extra-virgin olive oil
2 TBS fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup crumbled feta
I added a bag of frozen shrimp for extra protein

1. Boil asparagus until tender, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove asparagus from water with a slotted spoon.
2. Add pasta to boiling water and cook as directed on packet.
3. Drain pasta and add to bowl with all remaining ingredients except cheese. Stir to combine.
4. I heated a skillet with olive oil and warmed the shrimp for 5 minutes and added to the mix.
5. Sprinkle cheese and salt to taste.

Karl's reaction: "This is refreshing! I like it. But maybe next time get the shrimp without the tails on."

Men! I tell ya! I liked this one a lot. The lemon zest really added some fun flavor!

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Chicken with Fresh Tomato Sauce and Balsamic Broccoli

Chicken With Fresh Tomato Sauce and Balsamic Broccoli
serves 4
(found in Shape Magazine...either March or April 2011 issue)

4 4-ounce chicken breasts
1 tsp paprika
   salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 12-ounce microwaveable bag broccoli florets
2 tsp olive oil
1 pint cherry tomatoes
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup kalamata olives, pitted and sliced
4 TBS balsamic vinegar (I used Aceto Balsamico from The Olive Tap in Downers Grove, Illinois. My aunt gave it to us as a shower gift. SO GOOD. Check out their website and get some today!)

1. Preheat broiler to high and place an oven rack 8 to 10 inches from heat. Line a broiler pan with foil and coat with cooking spray. Sprinkle chicken with paprika and season with salt and pepper. Place on pan and cook for 5 to 7 minutes per side or until meat is no longer pink in the center (160 F internal temp).

2. Microwave broccoli

3. Heat oil in skillet over medium-high. Add tomatoes, season with salt and pepper and cook for 2 minutes. Add garlic and olives, cook for 2 minutes more or until tomatoes are soft.

4. Divide chicken among four plates and top with tomato mixture. Place 1/4 of broccoli on each plate, drizzle with balsamic vinegar and serve.

Karl's reaction: "Ohhh, babe, I really like this one a lot. This is real good. Mmmmmmmmm."

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Sitting Still

Is there such a thing?

My mom told me when I was little, I slept a lot. My older brother never slept. She had to wake me up to feed me and poke me to make sure I was alive. If only I could go back...

For the past year, I've been spending every minute of free time writing a book. And today I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. Why? My book is finished, tons of queries are out to agents, some even have my full manuscript in their hands, and I'm wondering what's next. Why can't I sit still and glow in the fact that I just did something huge? Why can't I enjoy the peace and quiet of this beautiful spring day? I think it's because I've always had something going on every single weekend for the past year, and now I have a weekend where I am caught up (or so I think). And I don't know what to do with myself. Sure I have projects sitting on the burner, but it's almost like I've been paralyzed and those other projects aren't enough to feed my tank.

In the meantime to keep my brain busy, I've been Googling. What are the agents doing right now? Is it one person reading my manuscript? Are they passing it on to others? Are they showing editors? I've come up with plenty of different responses, which only make me think even more. Kind of like when you Google "why does my throat itch" and minutes later you're pretty sure you have throat cancer.

Patience. A word I have heard many times in my life, but have such a hard time accepting. You better believe God and I have been conversing quite a bit these past couple of weeks.

So last weekend I decided to outline my latest book idea and during the week I started to write something new, which was really crazy in itself. And then I started to think of all these metaphors. I feel like my first "baby" is out in the world right now and I can't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I try to distract myself. And I feel like I need to tell each agent, I know she might not be perfect in your eyes yet, but I love her and am so happy with her, but I'm still willing to work hard to make her the best yet. I'm fast and I'm eager to learn and I want her to run free in the world so bad.  But don't they already know all of this? Who wants to look and sound like a complete nut job? I guess I do since I just contradicted myself. Ha!

I live an insane life. And I'm a doer. I almost fell over when my boss told me that not everyone wants to grow and learn. They are content with doing the same job, with the same three responsibilities day in and day out. What? Are you crazy? I need to be doing ten projects at once to feel like I'm actually making a dent in my to-do list. Why is that? Why can't I simply r-e-l-a-x?

So for the first time in a really long time, I'm going to allow myself to go for a run and enjoy the quiet. By the time I get back, I guarantee I'll have a list of things to do and topics to Google.

How do you keep yourself calm while you wait?

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Quick Easy, Healthy Lunch

Tuna and Bean Salad
serves 4
(found in Women's Health - April 2011)

2 cans of 3 oz chunk light tuna packed in water
1 can up cannellini beans
1 carton of grape tomatoes, sliced
1 can of corn
2 hearts of palm (canned), sliced - I used a whole can of artichokes instead because I couldn't find hearts of palm
1 tsp fresh parsley
1 TBS olive oil
I added a squirt of lime, but I think lemon would be good too.
1/4 diced red onion

Karl's reaction - Oh, this is refreshing! It's good.

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