Finding ME Time and Finding My Happy

Why does the word "Me" sound so selfish?

I wanted to write a post about “me” time. Because if you’re anything like me, you probably don’t get enough of it. And I’m here to remind tell you, “YOU DESERVE IT and YOU NEED IT.”

Being a mom requires a lot of you, not to mention being a loving wife, a good friend, a great sister and daughter too. I don’t care if you’re stay-at-home or if you’re a working mom—it’s nuts and busy and crazy either way you look at it.

It took me 21 months to figure this out but in order to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc., I have to carve in time for me. And only me. It’s who I am and how I tick. I think I took a test once and as extroverted as I might seem, I’m actually an introvert. I recharge by spending time alone.

Shocking, huh? Seems so simple.

It’s not though.

This Christmas I participated in an online Elf4Health Challenge. Every day I was forced to do something healthy for myself and use the social media world to chat about it. I LOVED it. LOVED. I looked forward to every challenge and I found time no matter where or when to do every activity (OK, so I didn't go to work make-up free, but still…).

I AM POWERFUL! (really, I'm doing wall sits here...2 minutes 22 seconds)

GIRL TIME! MUCH NEEDED!

My world. 

I knew if I could do this challenge for four weeks, I could do something like this every single day. We weren’t talking hours upon hours here. There was no more room for excuses. There was no denying that I was happier than I had been in a long time those four weeks and I knew the exact reason why.

I was doing something for “me” and was becoming healthier emotionally and physically because of it.

But the word “me” sounds so selfish, doesn’t it?

Let me explain in a way I know how. So I get asked quite often to play volleyball or to go to happy hours or to volunteer or to set up activities to bring people together—basically all the things I used to do before my son came along. I love doing these things, don’t get me wrong. But my life has changed.  My priorities have changed.

I have changed.

My epiphany?

I was doing all those things for other people. To make THEM HAPPY. As much as I love and live and breathe volleyball, I realized I was playing on volleyball teams that had a hard time figuring out how to even play simple defense. If anyone knows me, I played in college. I’m extremely competitive (so much so that my hubby refuses to play with me). I’d leave super frustrated and unfulfilled. I also knew what I needed was a friend to listen to me and understand exactly what I was going through, but instead I was listening to friends who were judging me and didn't have a clue what was going on. Or I’d volunteer but then go home feeling exhausted and crabby because I’d look around and my own house was a disaster. I’d set up activities so people could gather and grow but I left feeling anxious and alone and hungry for more. My schedule was so packed and loaded with so many great things, and yet I wasn’t satisfied. How does this make sense?

I knew if I cancelled any of these things, I would let someone down and I’d feel like an awful person. So I kept filling my day up and stressing myself out. It was a vicious cycle I could not get out of.

That was until I had my son. Everything sort of stopped for a while. I think the word "overwhelmed" takes on a whole new meaning. I wanted to simply be a mom. Really, I needed to figure it all out. I think “disappearing” freaked out a lot of people, but I honestly just needed to focus on how to be the best “me” for my son.

I thought if I threw myself into being the best mom, I would become the best.

Not so. I learned I definitely need breaks, lots of them. So I started saying “no” more often to others and "yes" to myself. I became very choosy with my time.

Does this make me sounds incredibly selfish?

But how could “me” being happy be a selfish thing?

I think one of the hardest things for me to accept and adjust to after becoming a mom was not seeing Karl (hubby) as much and getting the bulk of parenting work due to his crazy work schedule and schooling. We always did everything together. We made such a great team. And I missed him like CRAZY. Sure, I’d see him when he’d get home from work but I was trying to feed our son or clean things up or get everything ready for the next day while my son was wailing or screaming or repeating, “mama” over and over.

It gets challenging to take the time to ask “How was your day? How are you?” when there are a million distractions. Especially when my brain literally can’t form sentences anymore by the end of the day.

We eventually (14 months AFTER our son was born) started a routine of putting our son down for bed and then watching TV shows on the couch. We hit the sweet spot once that started happening. It was WONDERFUL to spend that quiet time together again, to snuggle on the couch.

I looked FORWARD to that every night.

But more times than not I was still anxious and worn out and full of emotions by the end of night. I'm telling you, parenting is HARD WORK. I told Karl that I needed to take one week night to go to the gym and one weekend day too – just for myself. And NOT feel guilty about it. That took guts to decide. But saying it out loud empowered me. I was going to do something for "me" and only "me". I had a date with myself!

Even if it was 8:00 p.m. and the last thing I wanted to do, I DID IT. I know how great I’ll feel and that wins every time. Let me tell you, I come back feeling AMAZING. I’m recharged and full of ideas and drive and energy and love, and everything inside me feels HAPPY.

My family benefits from this Big Time. I benefit. 

I make the simple choice to spend a little time with myself—no guilt allowed—and if pays off in a HUGE way.

So if you’re feeling anything like I was: unfulfilled at times, stressed to the max, exhausted, disorganized or looking for more, perhaps you need to spend some time with yourself. Remember who you are, what you’re capable of, what is it you want – what is it that makes YOU happiest?  Maybe it’s a trip to the mall or an hour-long massage or going to a movie by yourself, or like me, working out (and then steaming and sitting in the hot tub!!). Find it, find YOU and make the time. You are deserving to be the happiest you've ever been.

You will come out feeling amazing – something you owe yourself. Because YOU ARE AMAZING.

What do you do for YOU? 

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Elf4Health Blog Swap - Want to Become a Runner?

GUEST POST!!!

Hi there! My name is Nicole, one of Christie’s fellow Elf 4 Healthers and blogger over at fitfulfocus.com. If you’re asking yourself, “Who the heck is this? We want Christie! We want Christie!” have no fear (and open your mind – I’m pretty awesome, too… most days). Christie and I swapped blogs for the day! You can find her post over on Fitful Focus.

“Why the swap?” you ask (so many questions have you). Christie and I are both partaking in the Elf 4 Health challenge, a month-long program filled with daily challenges, all with the goal of helping each other lead healthier lives during the holiday season. Today’s challenge is to share your expertise, so Brianna (another Elf 4 Healther – there are a lot of us little elves) put together this blog swap. You can find a whole linkup of posts over on Brianna’s blog, Martial Arts and Hockey Girl.

 

So onto my expertise. First of all, I should share that I’m not sure I consider myself an expert in anything – unless you consider being able to eat peanut butter by the spoonful an area of expertise. I actually think that’s pretty impressive. Alas, I am not here to share how to devour an entire jar of peanut butter spoonful by spoonful.  That wouldn’t be very healthy, anyway.  

Peanut butter aside, I’m here to share running tips. I ran my first (and so far only) half marathon in March of 2012, and I am currently training for my first full marathon, so I guess you can say I’m an expert at beginner running! Woohoo!

 

 

A lot people hear, “I’m a runner,” come out of someone’s mouth and think its pretentious and show-offy, that these people are bragging about the miles they’ve run and the shoes they’ve worn through. The fact of the matter is, becoming a runner is easy. You don’t have to run a marathon to be a runner. You don’t even have to run a 5K. The simple act of throwing on some sneaks and hitting the pavement makes you a runner. Do you hit the treadmill for 1 mile? How about a ¼ of a mile? Then congrats, you’re a runner! 

 

The tough part comes in wanting to run more. You can’t just wake up and run a marathon. Well, I suppose you could, but you’d probably end up like this:

 

(Source)

Good luck with that.

 

If you want to start upping the mileage, here are a few tips:

1)      Invest in a good pair of sneaks.  – That pair you used to wear to high school volleyball practice won’t cut it anymore. The rule of thumb is to change your running shoes every 300-500 miles. If you shoes no longer have tread, cushioning, or look like this…

 (Source)

…it’s time for a new pair. Head to your local running store and get fitted properly for shoes. Have them assess what kind of running gate you have, if you have flat feet or high arches, if you need more ankle support or a wider toe. Good shoes will protect your knees and keep you comfortable. Comfort and function are definitely the most important factors to buying running shoes, but I would also go for a pair you think are cute. Get a pair you admire and you’ll feel fun and unstoppable when you’re out on the road.

 

2)      Start small and start slow. – Don’t try to beat the all-time marathon record just yet. Start of with short distances and a slow pace. Try running at a pace where you can still talk with ease. Try alternating running ¼ of a mile and walking ¼ of a mile until you hit a mile total. Then slowly up your distance to 1.5 miles, then 2. Then try running for half a mile and walking for a ¼ a mile. Keep going slow and steady until you can run 1 mile without stopping, then two miles. Once you are confident with the distance, you can try increasing speed. Sprint for 30 seconds, then go at a conversational pace for 1 minute, sprint 30 seconds, slow 1 minute, etc.

 

3)      Run to the beat. – Good music can solve any problem. If we could all just embrace country music, I bet the world would be a better place. Kidding (kind of). Anyway, pick out some songs that you never skip when they come on – songs that are upbeat and driving. Songs with a beat that match or are slightly faster than your pace will keep you motivated. 90’s boy band songs are excellent for running, but they’re really just excellent in general.

 (Source)

4)      Don’t go on a runner spree. – This means two things. One, no matter how long you have been running for, don’t run every day. You need to mix in other kinds of cross training to support your other muscles. Taking a day or two off from running each week to do other exercises will make you a better runner. Two, don’t feel like you have to out and buy all the fancy running gadgets. Good shoes and socks are a must, but beyond that, all you need are clothes that make you comfortable and an ipod/phone/mp3 player for music. You don’t even need to buy a running app if you don’t want to. Simply map out a route on Google Maps ahead of time – but bring your phone if you have a tendency to get lost!

 

5)      Pick a race. – It helps to have a goal to keep you motivated. Do a search to find some races in your area. I recommend looking for a fun run, like the Color Run or a Zombie Run. These are less intimidating races and are more about having a blast than competing for a certain time. The goal for your first race (which I suggest be a distance of 5K or less) should be simply to get out there and do it with a smile on your face. Set your sights on the finish line, not the clock.

 

So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get to it. Soon enough, you’ll become and expert on beginner running and I’ll be taking advice from you J.  

Don’t forget to check out Christie’s expertise over on Fitful Focus, and get tips from a bunch of other healthy elves over at Martial Arts & Hockey Girl.  

Is there anything that scares you about running? Leave a comment and we’ll help you scare those scares away!  

Any runners out there with additional tips to add? 

 

 

 

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He Who Has Hope Has Everything

Are You Living in the Moment?

A while ago I had a couple people message me asking what my secret was when it came to losing my baby weight and maintaining. They asked to share my top three tips. But honestly there weren’t tips or a grand plan, other than I truly value my health. I’ve made it my mission in life to live as healthy and happy as possible and share that lifestyle with others.

 

“He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.” - Thomas Carlyle

I love this quote. I do. Hope is magical.

This week is Thanksgiving (Happy Thanksgiving to All!) – a time to be incredibly thankful and grateful. I’ve reflected a lot on my life this past week, to the point where I scared myself. I think about all the different stages and phases in my life and how they’ve come and gone, fast. How the things that seemed to matter then don’t really matter that much at all now.

And how worry is such a waste of time. Same with anger and stress and negativity.

I think everything that has happened in my life has shaped me into who I am. But I can’t help and wonder if I'm truly living in the moment? Are you?

There are mixed emotions growing inside me right now. I know the moment I’m in right now (as much as I try to be mindful and enjoy) will soon be an awesome, but distant memory. Jackson is going to be a big guy sooner than later – I can’t stop it. I want to hold on to him. Forever. I want to hold on to my husband. I want to hold on to my parents. My brothers. My in-laws. Every single one of my friends. I love them all. So. Much. I want things to stay the same forever.

I get mad that they can’t, but at the same time I’m excited for the future too. The next “big” thing is coming! My mind took off and all of a sudden I was 40, then 50 and then this 90-year-old woman who thinking about her next stage in her retired life, knowing very well what that was…

There wouldn’t be a next phase [on earth]. That scared me.

What would I be thinking then as a 90 year old? I did all I could? Would I wish I did things differently? Would I think everything worked out exactly how it should have?

I was lucky I was envisioning myself as a 90-year-old. What about someone fighting for their life? All the thoughts and feelings and questions and heartbreak. Why them? Why then? What happened? Why? Why? Why?

For example, one of my dear friends (one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life) lost her dad suddenly to a heart attack last week. Why? A friend from church recently married and was on his way out the door to his honeymoon and his new mother-in-law passed away four weeks after her pancreatic diagnoses. What? How? Friends from high school are losing their parents. A past coworker of mine has a brain tumor. And out of the blue I received an email from a woman sharing her story. Three months after giving birth to her daughter, doctors told her she had 15 months to live. NO!! I can’t even imagine. I can’t. Heather was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma – her dad’s work clothes soaked up asbestos and she was exposed. She was diagnosed in November, making every November tough to face – a constant reminder of that diagnoses. But her mission is to make sure we all take a moment to value life and the value of gratitude. Read her incredible story here.

With all that said, on my drive in to work this morning I was overcome with gratitude for my health, my husband’s, my son’s. It is the greatest gift.

So, answer the above question - how did I lose the baby weight and keep it off? I let go. I started trusting God. I forgave. I stopped pointing fingers and looked deep within myself. I loved who I am, who I’m becoming, who I will be. I fueled my body with good – natural, real ingredients. I treated my body with respect. I danced. I ran. I jumped. I played. I sang. I had fun. I prayed. I shared my world with others. I let God shine through me. I let myself light up the world. I spread my wings. I laughed. I talked. I listened. I hugged. And I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

God is a loving God. He would never allow us to love this much and take it all away for good. Something grander beyond our wildest dreams is out there, waiting for us. This is where hope comes in. Enjoy this life and your journey. We don’t know when it will end but we do know how to make the best of it and the worst of it.

We get to make the choice.

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