100,000 Blog Views!!

Over 100,000 views on my blog! WOOT!

Just wanted to take a moment to celebrate on my blog today! Thanks for helping me hit over 100,000 views!!!

I started this blog as a way to share my journey and experiences in hopes of becoming a published author some day. I know that dream WILL COME TRUE eventually. It will. Then I started sharing my worldly adventures as well as how I maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm extremely passionate about health, fitness and nutrition. YOUR HEALTH IS SO IMPORTANT. It means EVERYTHING.

And THEN I became a mom. Woweee!!! What was that!??!?!

I wanted this blog to be VERY real and honest and raw. Perhaps I share "too much" at times but I'm OK with it. I have that little voice inside my head that says..."nah, maybe you shouldn't go there." I try to listen to that as I write. This blog has been SO therapeutic for me. I LOVE IT. I love my followers. I love all of you who take the time to stop by and check in. THANK YOU.

I promise to continue to be real, honest and ME!!

With that said, is there anything you wish you could see more of?

I can promise you that there will be a lot more fun, crazy to come! Thanks for letting me keep it real!

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Happy 2014!!!

Welcome to 2014!

Hope you all had a wonderful New Year’s Eve and brought in the New Year right! We snuggled on the couch and were sleeping by 10:30 p.m. Karl has been on-call this whole week so we haven’t seen a whole lot of him and wanted to keep things low-key. I didn’t mind!

Haven't had a new car in 11 years!! Woot! We chose the one off the lot that had been sitting there the longest so we could score the best deal!

2014 Resolutions

I have a feeling 2014 is going to be a year of moving and shaking for us. I think I mentioned in a previous post that we’re purchasing a new car. I’m already trying to figure out how much money we’ll need to pull out monthly to pay off the bi-yearly car insurance payments. I always like to make sure we have enough saved up that when the “bigger” invoices come there are no freak-out moments on my end.  We get to pick the car up today! Yay!!! I haven’t had a new car since 2003!!

Also, just trying to figure out how we’re going to afford higher monthly mortgage payments once/if we sell our town home and find the perfect house for us. I’m starting to realize how much work is ahead of us. I’ve lived in our townhome for 11 years now. Just think of all that accumulation of stuff. Eesh. Maybe I have high (and too many) expectations for the perfect house.

This is our list:

·         Big kitchen (I love to cook and Karl loves making his super crazy, healthy pancakes!)

·         4 bedrooms (Growing the family sooner than later and my family visits a lot!)

·         A slop sink (You don’t realize how much you need one until you start painting a lot, have a child who throws up or poops…and you have a husband who hunts and brews and does all kind of strange projects…)

·         A basement (just want a lot of room for Jackson and other children to run wild and have a full-on play area for him.)

·         A bigger yard (as in bigger than a postage stamp). No houses on top of each other (again, we want Jackson and family to run wild AND we really want a garden to grow FRESH veggies and fruits!)

·         STORAGE (We have NONE in our town home other than the garage, and it shows.)

·         3-car garage (This will help with storage and I’m pretty sure Karl already has a plan for that third spot)

·         Lower property taxes. (Helps a lot with payments!)

This list kind of makes me think of one of the new favorite HGTV Canadian shows, Like it or List it. Have you seen? It’s kind of fun, but I totally freak at the prices of houses in Canada and how close they are to one another.

I’ve also been told come spring and we’ll be competing with other families to get picked as the next buyers for the houses we like. I guess you log-in to your account and the houses are sold within hours, sometimes minutes. And sometimes you have to make a decision within a few short seconds. Minnesota beat all states last spring as fastest growing housing marketing. Oh boy. Do I really want to play this game? Things are definitely picking up though and we for sure want to lock-in to the lower interest rates. Let’s just say the Realtor is coming tomorrow and we’ll see where we’re at. Like I said, moving and shaking here in the Koester household!

Next big thing is perhaps baby #2. Yes, I get nervous about this. I’m also a little worried this could take longer since I’m hitting high-risk come June, but we’ll see what God has in store for us. Can only give this one to the Big Guy, right?

Also, the biggest resolution is our health. I’m all about getting us outside for fresh air a little bit each day, but honestly this below zero temperature thing is making that goal REALLY hard!

I’m making more time for myself to get to the gym twice a week and then trying to fit in one “in-home” workout. Want to know what’s crazy? I’m closing in on my wedding weight and I feel really great! I just feel HAPPY, HEALTHY and full of ENERGY. This is MUCH needed!!!! SO needed.

I’m also working hard at making sure we’re getting enough wild fish (less mercury) in our diets and lots of veggies. Jackson LOVES his homemade smoothies which usually consist of kale, frozen bananas, blueberries, Greek yogurt, whole milk, mangoes and cherries and sometimes avocados. I just want to keep this up and I’m pretty sure I will. However, it’s no surprise that eating healthy comes with a hefty price tag. Does this make sense to you?

That’s about it! If you look at all that, one word comes to mind: EXPENSIVE.

After reflecting on last year and my huge 2013 Resolution list, I realized I have to let go of wanting control over a lot of things and just be - just go with things. I don’t have the time or space to be angry for long or worry too much. I’ve really been learning how to speak up more when something is bothering me (rather than holding it in) and live in the present, which has been a wonderful thing for me. However, for some reason this mindful thinking business has opened my eyes to how incredibly FAST time goes. Have you noticed this too?

Any 2014 resolutions you want to share?

 

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I'm 34, Now What?

I’m 34 now. Yowza.

When did that happen? Wasn’t I just 24? Where did the last ten years go?? Kenny Chesney is on to something with his song, Don’t Blink. Thankfully I've had toothpicks in my eyes this past year due to all the sleep I didn't get. Not a whole lot of blinking going on here.

Anyway, another year older means time to set some resolutions. I know this is more of a New Year thing but I like to do it around my birthday to keep myself in check and reaching for the stars! Some of my goals sound more like dreams, but dreams are GOOD to have. They keep us going.

Being silly at 34...

 

Here is what I’d like to happen before I hit 35 (in no particular order).

1.       Run in a Road Race as a Family

That means YOU Karl. Sorry, beb. Time to lace up those runners and push the diabetic grandpa shoes aside. (Yes, he has these. No, he’s not diabetic. Yes, I let him leave the house wearing these. No, he wouldn’t stop wearing them even if I told him to.) I want to sign up for some kind of race together as a family. It could be a 5K or 10K, whatever. I think it’d be fun. I used to do them all the time. I miss them.  They motivate me to keep going and push myself…and the energy these races radiate is so contagious. Plus, I think Jackson would like staring at all the runners and the doggies. My dear friend Jenna asked me to do the TC Marathon this year. Am I ready for that? No. The old Christie would have been like, SURE! Sign me up! The new Christie knows there is no time for proper training. And trust me, I NEED training. Running up and down our stairs with laundry baskets isn’t going to cut it.

Out running any chance we get!

 

2.       Start looking for a house (and maybe buy one)

I bought my (now our) town home when I was 23. I adore it, but I want Jackson to grow up in a house with a yard. I want a garden, and apple tree…a deck or porch with a fire pit. But a house means more expenses and more time dedicated to the upkeep,...and where is that going to come from. A lot needs to happen before we move anywhere, but just the THOUGHT of looking excites me. On the way home from the grocery store, I took a different way home and came across the most beautiful neighborhood. By golly, I found our dream home while I was at it. Not for sale, but enough where I swear the heavens said, “You will be living here someday.”  BOOM.

The dream house I came across...

 

3.       Travel someplace new

Karl and I have always been huge travelers and we haven’t gotten out much these days. I’m the one to blame here since I can’t imagine leaving Jackson longer than an 8-hour work day, but I know it’d be good for the both of us. And it has to happen sometime. I get excited thinking about traveling somewhere with my main squeeze. I have no idea where. I'm kind of thinking anywhere with a soft bed at this point. Ahhhh...sleeeep.

4.       Spend more time on strength training

One thing I noticed after having Jackson was my muscle tone when south. I can do all the cardio in the world and eat healthy, but my butt still sags, my arms even have some dimples in them. Say wha? I need to devote more time to strength training a few times a week. Problem is: time is so tight these days. I read a quote that resonated with me though. "We ALL have 24 hours in a day - some are just better at utilizing those hours." True. True. So I’ve been ripping pages out of magazines and I need to start DOING the exercises. I also want to start getting up earlier so I can start my morning off right, but Jackson seems to keep getting up earlier and earlier. Hello 5:00 a.m. What gives? AND, just when I think I’m well rested, J starts getting up throughout the night. Mama needs her sleep to function at work and at home, so sleep wins. Always. At least I eat healthy….

5.       Write a new book

You all know my dream is to become a published author and write for the rest of my life. I wrote my first book, and well, I'm guessing you haven't seen my book at Barnes and Noble yet? Yeah, me neither. 

I had so many great bites and suggestions from agents, but then April 2012 hit and life really got busy so I wasn’t able to give those changes my all. So it sits. The question is: Do I go back and revise the book I’ve already written? Then do I send it out again? Do I self publish? OR do I set that book aside for now and start over with a new book? I’ve also been told a few times by agents that I should take my first novel and turn it into a screenplay. I can see that. I’ve been thinking of that more too. But I have a new storyline for a book brewing and I want to run with it. I do know how much work is involved and that intimates me. And then there is the dilemma of branching to Young Adult or even Middle Grade. I have story ideas for both of those genres.

I guess I can say I’m just glad that the fire is back and I WANT to do this again.

6.       Add to the family...MAYBE

Now, before you read TOO much into this. I have a whole entire year ahead of me to think about this. Right now, I’m happy where things are at so there isn’t any rush. Last year kicked my a$$. Never saw that one coming. UFDAH.

But yes, I know I become high risk the minute I turn 35 and I'm not getting any younger. But this is why I’m adamant about eating healthy and my fitness. I think these two things combined helps… Well, I hope it helps. We’ll see. When the time is right, it’ll all happen. For now, I’ll enjoy our family of three!

What keeps you dreaming?

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What Does God Have to Do with Motherhood?

Where Does God Fit In?

It’s been awhile… Hasn’t it? Can I ask why nobody warned me that motherhood would be such a ball of vast emotions?

Jackson at 8 Months!

 

I can go from loving my life to crying in the shower in a matter of a couple hours, sometimes less. I even broke down at work. As in, tears were streaming down my face, snot splashing on the carpet, ugly cry… all in front of my boss. That cardinal rule of not crying in the office? Yeah, that flew out the window, along with my head. Oops.

Half of me is scared to admit this and write it for all to see because I’m sure I’ll get emails from people telling me I should go see a shrink. Motherhood really shouldn’t be this hard or complicated for me. I need to be having fun. It’s been eight months already…snap out of it any day now…. The stress is no good. Time is slipping away from me…. Milestones are passing me by and I’m never going to get them back. Jackson won’t ever be eight months old again.

I’m not knocking therapists. It’s just when I finally even get the option of working out, getting a massage or seeing a therapist. A therapist comes in third. I made it to the gym for the first time in three weeks. I finally used the gift card for an hour-long massage that I got after Jackson was born. Plus, is the grocery store right next to the therapist?

My time is more valuable than ever. I have to be prepared like a lioness about to pounce on her prey all the time. I need lists stuffed into my purse and coat pockets just to keep on top of things: grocery lists, dinner menus for the week, bills I need to pay, things I should try and get to over the weekend, some dreams I need to keep chasing after so I’m not forgotten. I never know what might pop up to throw my mind into a tornado and spit it out jumbled. Without my lists, my family would be lost, unhealthy, living paycheck to paycheck and eating out way too much, and I would be in an institution or on a lot of drugs.

My Google calendar is full of reminders so I don’t forget a thing. A thing. Like watering the plants on Sunday. Or making sure I check the trunk of my car just in case I accidentally opened it from my pocket again for the hundredth time.

Besides work meetings, that’s about all I get to be in charge of these days. I can’t control when Jackson will get sick. When Karl comes home from work. How many times Jackson will get up during the night. When something will change. If Jackson will get hurt or …or….or…

So I hold it in and pretend everything is fabulous, until someone asks me how it’s going and I burst into tears in front of a pregnant friend at a birthday party. Neat, huh? Way to go, Christie. Scare the dickens out of her why don’t ya.

Spastic much?

The other half of me KNOWS there are other moms out there going through the same thing. Because you’ve told me. THANK GOD. I know I’m kind of normal. Right? I mean, not everything is as it appears in Facebook pictures on my newsfeed or in Christmas cards or in my People magazine or in fancy new cars or big houses. Everyone has their own story, their own issues, their own troubles and hardships. Most of the time they are WORSE than my own.

Because of these brave souls, I’m able to take a step back and suck in a few breaths of air. I’m able to pick up my head that’s been rolling all over the floor and stick it back on. Sometimes backwards, but hey…it’s on and there. These moms let me laugh off my psychotic side and I’m back to loving myself for who I am. I keep on truckin.

The other super moms out there doing it all…well, I commend you for having it all figured out. For letting things roll off your back. For not getting too far ahead of yourself. But my God, how do you do it?

I don’t like comparing. I was always somewhat confident. Sure I have a bigger nose, shapeless eyebrows, smaller chest and a big ol’ booty, but who cares…I think I’m pretty fun to be around despite all my physical flaws. Then all of a sudden I become a mom and BAM. Compare city and everyone always has it better and I’m doing it all wrong. WTF is that? She gets to stay at home. She must be so happy. She has it all. She has a husband who makes tons of money. She gets to visit her family whenever she wants. She gets her husband at nights and on weekends. She has that and this…

Hello. I have an amazing son who is healthy. We have a roof over our head. Karl and I actually like to hang out and spend time together. The three of us get another day together. Isn’t that enough?

You would think so, especially with the horrible, unthinkable school shooting in Newtown.

We get another day.
We get another day.
WE GET ANOTHER DAY.
Yes, that is enough. That should be enough.

Open your eyes, Christie.

Two minutes later and I’m going to town again with my thoughts and attacking my self-worth as a mom. That isn’t very nice of me. I think back on my life and I am SO thankful for the life I had growing up. That I even had a chance to live. My parents loved me beyond love. We sure had fun. Even when my heart was breaking and bad stuff happened, I grew into me. Someone who is ready to shine like the best of them.

I want to give that to Jackson. I want him to have it all and all of me. And for some reason in my warped mind I don’t think I can because I’m working all the time. But there MUST be a reason I am working. I am me. Christie. Not my mom. This is my story now.

When I thought I was ready for something to happen in my life, I really wasn’t. When I thought I could handle something, I couldn’t. But then all of a sudden someone would walk in my life and knock my socks off. An opportunity was handed to me. A seed was planted inside me and life blossomed. How and why do things happen when they do? I don't know.

Can I just hang on for a second and ENJOY where I am right this moment? Some really amazing things are happening right before my eyes and I'm always worried about tomorrow. What is the rush???

And then it hits me. The only person who knows when the timing is right is God. For some reason he’s gotten me through it all. He’s gotten me this far. The good. The awesome. The bad and the ugly. And I keep coming up stronger. Why should I doubt him now? And why must I keep avoiding him? Forgetting about him? Why must I always be in the driver’s seat? Move over God, here comes Christie! Beep-beep.

Is it because we haven’t officially met? Where would we meet? Over a cup of coffee? Maybe a glass of wine? Sometimes I talk to myself in my car... I wonder if he's listening? Laughing? Shaking his head? What would we talk about if he could answer back?

Then I kind of get nervous. How can I trust someone who I’ve never met guide me through this really important job called motherhood? To be my warrior when I can’t muster up the energy to fight for myself? Can I really lean on him? I mean, this is FOR real. I was fine with screwing up when it was just me. Even when it came to Karl because I could look in his eyes and see the love. I could hug him and feel the love.

Can I feel God? Well...actually sometimes I think I do.

In the dark hours of the night when it’s just me and Jackson and all is quiet, except for Jackson making his humming noises as he nurses, I feel my heart grow. I physically feel my heart stretch to my throat. I study the lids shielding Jackson's eyes, and long lashes and little nose and stroke his soft cheeks and can’t even believe for a second I am his mom. That I have been gifted the opportunity to feel all I am feeling. That he was inside me growing not so long ago, that out of a million little swimmers, it was him that was chosen to make it. Just for us. How is that even possible? How did I get so lucky???

Not sure.

I can’t help but believe there is a God and he really does know what he is doing after I experience these moments. And these moments keep coming. Not just when I'm nursing, but throughout the day. And I have a feeling they are going to continue (and I'm already addicted. I don't want to miss a single one of them). So then I ask myself.... If I’m capable of loving Jackson beyond a love I never knew I had in me, then God certainly loves me beyond the definition of love. Like a blow my mind kind of love.

That’s heavy stuff.

Maybe it’s OK not to have all the answers. Could I handle them? Probably not. I mean, what if I was to die before Jackson ever really knew me? Would I love him less because I didn’t physically exist anymore?  Hell no. Never. Would I know he’d grow into someone absolutely amazing? No doubt in my mind.

But how would I ever prove that to him? I wouldn't be able to. And right now I get the chance to prove over and over again how much I love him. This is MY chance. Right now. Right here. This life. That's all he wants and needs. Otherwise I'd hope Jackson would believe what I feel inside is REAL. Oh, man, I’d PLEAD for him to believe it. I already know our son is going to be amazing beyond amazing. I cringe at the thought of him not thinking that about himself. Maybe if I wasn't around, he’d see a picture or two of us together or read a few blog posts now and again. But me not being around would really mean he’d have to dig deep and trust that my love is bigger than he’ll ever know. Is that what God wishes for me? That I had an inkling of how much he loves me...no matter what? 

I suspect God feels that about me. That I'm amazing, despite the crazy, the tough days, the madness. And I’m sure it pains him when I doubt myself or am hard on myself. What he sees  in me is love and amazing. When I struggle so much, all he really wants is for me to know he’s right there to catch me, to carry me. He clearly knows what I’m capable of and believes in ME. Maybe I need to try doing the same…

BELIEVE IN HIM.

 

 

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Writing Mommy-Style

Can you still be a writer AND a mom?

 

I think most of you know I have this major dream of becoming a writer. Sometimes I can even visualize myself as a published author. This is how it plays out.... Supermom to my son Jackson by day, writing and living out my dream by night AND being able to provide for the three of us. I don't want to give myself false hope, but that is what I see. Yet sometimes things don't always happen as quickly as we'd like them too or at all like we planned them. And we have to keep trying until maybe...just maybe... one day that new door of exciting opportunity will open for us.

Yes, oh, yes...it's easier to give up on all those personal goals and dreams than keep fighting for them sometimes. Okay, a LOT of times. But those who keep at it and keep believing are usually the ones who grow and make it. 

Back in 2010, I wrote my first novel and then in 2011 started to query it out to agents. I had a lot of bites, but no offers of representation. What I did get was a lot of great feedback from agents and learned a lot about my writing and the ins and outs of the publishing industry. In short, it's very subjective out there. Currently I have a few requests out to read my first 100 pages of my manuscript (yay!) but am also in the midst of revising from all the feedback I have received.

The problem I'm dealing with is finding time. I work full time. I have a five month old. I'm a wife. I am the keeper of our finances and house and nutrition....OK...pretty much everything. So how does one still follow her dream, not lose sight of oneself and all those big goals, AND still be a good mom and wife?

I don't want to lose myself! I'm deathly scared I am and sometimes I cry because I grieve the old Christie and the life I used to have. Oh...all that time I used to have. Where did it go? And all that control... buh bye. 

While writing my first book, I joined a critique group. This group is full of wonderful woman - with all different backgrounds. Some are just getting married, one lives in Brazil, others are having babies and one is a full-time mom of three kids. I can relate to her. She's quite the amazing woman. She drinks coffee like water, sleeps little and powers through novel after novel, even finding time to read too. I admire her so much and asked her how she does it.

In honor of her latest book, Love Blossoms, coming out (which I was able to critique for her), she wrote a guest post on my blog!!! This is how awesome she is. She even makes time to leave a post for me. Wow. Where on earth does she find the time, you ask???? Read below...

Writing Mommy-Style

Hi, Christie! First, let me thank you for inviting me over to your blog. I’m super excited to be here. It’s been seven months since my debut novella launched the new Honey Creek imprint at Turquoise Morning Press. Now, I’m back with book two in my Seeds of Love series. I’m hooked on this enchanting little town and can’t keep myself away for long. But, sometimes, life demands I leave the books alone. A mommy’s life is like that.

The fabulous Julie - author (and mommy) of Seeds of Love Series

 

 

My youngest child is four now. She was a tiny little thing when I started writing. She was waking a few times a night and nursing every time I turned around. I had a potty training son at the time and was starting my first year as a home schooling mom for my five year old. Times were crazy. Time was nutty nuts wrapped in nougat. And I discovered writing helped me feel sane in the midst of it all.

Four years have passed since that time. I’m still out of shape and caffeine addicted. (Some things didn’t change). But, I’m still in survival mode. Today’s format is just different. It’s still a circus over here. Things get easier, but more complicated. I get more sleep and I’m done changing diapers, but my kids need more things than they used to. Rides to ball games and gifts for friends’ parties. Homework help replaced potty training, and dating advice will soon replace that too. I’m glad to have something just for me, even if I don’t get as much time as I want to do it today. Words makes me happy. I try to find time to read and write when I can because it’s my escape. Thanks to the Kindle, I learned to read on the treadmill. Multi-tasking at its finest. And it makes me a nicer person. Trust me. My love of writing will be here when they’re gone.

I think having an escape is the key to semi-sanity. And really, semi-sanity is what I aspire to these days. Sadly, as my kids grow, they need me less and less. *sniffles* And one day my house will be spotless because I will be alone all day, wishing the house was still cluttered with kids and their friends eating chips on my couch and wearing shoes on my carpet. But that’s then, and this is now. Today, I’m trying really hard to embrace the now because too soon I know it will be gone.

About Julie:

Mother of three, wife to a sane person and Ring Master at the Lindsey Circus. Most days you'll find me online, amped up on caffeine & wielding a book.

You can find my blogging about the writer life at Musings from the Slush Pile

Tweeting my crazy at @JulieALindsey

Reading to soothe my obsession on GoodReads

And other books by me on Amazon

If you’re in the mood for a sweet romantic read with a very happy ending, I hope you’ll visit Honey Creek. The sun is setting, bullfrogs are croaking and the crickets are singing, “Come on.” Sweet tea or hot cider. Fresh summer strawberries or crisp fall apples. You’ll find it there. And taking a trip to Honey Creek is as easy as Amazon : ) I hope to see you there!

Love Blossoms:

Jillian thought she had everything she needed until Jackson walked through her door…

There’s a wedding coming to Honey Creek and the whole town’s preparing for the party. When Jillian Parker agreed to host a few groomsmen at her inn, she had no idea what she was getting into. One of those groomsmen is Jackson Tate, and he’s making her concentration completely impossible. He’s funny, fascinating, frustrating, and leaving in a week. Jillian does not have time for that level of distraction. With Jackson nearby, events to coordinate, a bride to please, and an ex-fiancé to dodge, her peaceful life’s getting crazy fast. With any luck, she’ll survive the week and put the whole thing behind her as soon as possible.

…But not if Jackson has anything to say about it.

Excerpt:

“You used to cause quite a stir,” Jackson said into Jillian’s ear. “I bet you haven’t danced since you came home.”

Jillian smiled the demure smile she’d perfected long ago and slipped out into the night beside Danielle. A laugh split her friend’s face, and Danielle hollered into the night sky. Watermelon Crawl boomed from the truck speakers. An outrageous smile spread across Jillian’s face until her cheeks ached. Memories flooded over her, and she was instantly 10 years younger. Her muscles tingled, and the steps came back like a reflex to the sound of her friends’ laughter and the sight of embers floating in the night sky.

Her skirt swung left and right along with her toe. Material caught her thighs and infused her with energy. Beth’s squeal blasted out of the kitchen door, and she nearly took Jillian down dashing onto the dirt beside her.

“Wooooo!”

Nothing mattered. How could anything matter?

The small troop of dancers stomped and turned in the firelight. Fireflies and golden embers floated and blinked against the deep navy blue sky. No walls contained them; no neighbors complained about the noise; no traffic sounds interrupted the cricket and bullfrog chorus. There was no more freedom on earth than she had right there. A round of clapping went up as the bodies slowed and ambled in place, laughing and congratulating one another. They still had it.

Giggles seasoned the air, and the music changed smoothly to another lifelong favorite. Fishin’in the Dark . She thought of all the groomsmen planning to night fish before Mrs. Prattle’s punch kicked in the night before. In a flash, men and women sided up ready to twirl and swing in pairs. For a moment, Jillian stepped back to watch the couples, but a massive shadow blocked the light from the fire. Jackson hitched an eyebrow and nodded her way.

In the space of a heartbeat, the group was in motion, and so was she.

“You haven’t lost it, I suppose,” he said as their bodies came together.

She made the most of the time they were apart, enjoying his audience, strutting her stuff. When they met again she said, “You’ve noticed.”

“Honey, every man in town’s noticed.”

The couples began to swing, but Jillian found her body airborne. Like a feather in the wind, her feet swung left then right of Jackson’s hips. Clapping and hooting

ensued. No sooner was she grounded again than she began to twirl. The rush of endorphins and joy shot up from her feet to her hair, and her heart threatened to fly her to the moon.

 

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Book News and Writing Update - Not Giving Up!

Where do I go from here?


I started my writing journey almost two years ago. That seems forever ago, but at the same time it feels like yesterday. February 2010, I saw an ad for a writing class in a Shakopee Community Ed book that came in the mail. After some pondering, I decided to sign up. Writing a book was my dream after all and the chance to make it a reality was staring at me in the face. Hello. Time to get real. It doesn't get any easier than this. I'm glad I signed up and took the class. I learned a lot about the writing process, met some great people and realized that YES, I'd have to write an entire book if I ever wanted to get published.

Me typing away!

I had a lot of work ahead of me.

But I never realized how much work.

For nine month I worked on writing and more writing and more writing. I cancelled plans with friends, I spent 14-16 hours most every Saturday and Sunday for weeks at a time staring at my laptop and writing. I'd get up early. I'd race home from work. I'd take days off from work just so I could write. Finally, (and I mean finally) my first draft was done. 360-plus pages of awesomeness. Or so I thought.

Then I joined a critique group. Since starting the crit group, some gals have come and gone, but I'm ever grateful for each of them. Best decision ever. I thought they'd all love my book. The first three chapters came back with red all over them. My manuscript got slaughtered. "Goodness gracious," I thought, "my writing wasn't strong enough. I'm doomed." A nice little reality check if you ask me.

Still, that didn't stop me. I learned all I could about showing versus telling and shortening words and my poor use of different tenses and taking out the unnecessary parts that stalled the story.

Each time, each revision, my book would get strong and stronger. I was growing as a writer and it felt awesome. So then I thought I was ready to send off my full manuscript to agents, especially after a friend called me in a panic saying someone in REAL life had planned her wedding and didn't have a groom and was looking for one. Sounded too much like my book. I was scared she'd get a book deal and felt it was then or never. (I look back now and cringe at this...why, oh, why did I do that? My book was so not ready yet.) He said I had to get my manuscript out as fast as I could. Huge mistake. But I queried and started getting requests.

I was pretty excited and surprised.

Then the rejections came in.

But - yes, there's a but - I was lucky. I'd get personal emails from agents letting me know what I could do to make my story better. And I took each piece of information and added that to my manuscript. Some even asked to read the manuscript again. For the next nine months I queried, revised and was rejected. I never gave up. I was open to changing my manuscript and did just that.

Then I got pregnant. Life sort of changed and shifted and I didn't have the energy or desire to revise and query as much anymore. I think I was depressed a little - blame it on the hormones. I could barely get up the courage to walk into work, let alone think of words to make my book better. Yet, several agents still had my manuscript in their hands. And as baby was growing inside me, I'd hear back. Some suggested I contact other agents since there was possibility in my writing and storyline. But still nothing. I busied myself with baby stuff and kept my fingers crossed one of the agents would say "yes".

As of this week, the final one said "no" and there are no more queries out or no agents out there with my manuscript in hand waiting for review. For a couple hours after hearing that "no", I felt like all hope was lost. That I had given my dream my best shot and the final answer was "no". God was trying to tell me I'd never be a writer. I'd never get to hold my book in my hands. I wasn't good enough for this crazy dream of mine. This is why I was pregnant right now. I'd eventually become a mom, like the ones who were in my writing class, who gave up on their dreams to raise their babies and I wouldn't be able to come back to my dream until the kids were out of the house...20 plus years later. **gulp** 

Then I remembered who I am as a person. I looked at the quote at my desk, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." And remembered I'm not like everyone else. I'm my own person and I have control of the choices I make. I'm determined. I'm focused. I have ambition like nobody I know. I know that voice telling me and pushing me to keep going is for real. I'm not crazy (well...okay, a little). I have passion and am committed to making this dream a reality. When I set out to do something, I do it. And I'm not giving up! No way. I love my story too much.

I feel like the timing is simply off right now. And one day down the road, the timing - my timing - will be on because I'm not giving up. For one, I never stopped believing and searching for true love and boy when the timing was right, I sure found it. If I settled for less in the past or gave up, I'd be miserable with myself right now! But I held out and look where that got me? To amazing.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep making my manuscript stronger until it's irresistible to the right agent. You know what that means? Time to get back to work, dust off all that negativity and self doubt and do my thang. Time to shine.

I collected all the feedback from agents and realized there was a commonality between all of their comments and suggestions. Yes, the publishing industry is quite subjective and my book is a little too "chick-lit" right now. Yes, I love chick-lit, but that doesn't matter because not a whole lot of others do. As in the people who buy books. I now get where they are going. Right now the popular genres are either Women's Fiction (which is a bit more dramatic and emotional) or Contemporary Romance (more love, passion, fun, flirty) and I needed to choose one. The way my manuscript stands now, well, it's not really in any popular category. Who's going to want to take it on, knowing it won't go far?

So I looked at my bookshelf last night. Tons of chick-lit books stared back at me...most from 2002-2004, when that stuff was a bit more popular. I thought of one of my critique partner's sympathetic emails to me, suggesting I turn my book into a sweet romance. She said that she wanted to get to know my main male character better. The bug was planted and I couldn't shake it. Since chick-lit wasn't an option, what else would be a great choice for me? What genre was I crazy about?

Ummm...that's a no brainer. ROMANCE. Romance is everywhere in me and my life. And I mean everywhere. Not only in my bookshelf but in my personal journals, all my writing, in my choices of DVDs and music on my IPOD (I mean, who else works out to Canon in D?), and the way I think and live. I love romance. Period.

And a new idea was birthed!

My new goal: To revise my manuscript to be more contemporary romance and see where that leads me. No time limit either. No rush. No pressure. Just me, my laptop, my thoughts and loads of romance...and the love of writing.

Wish me luck!

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2012 New Years Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions

Last year I came up with a few resolutions. Today I had fun looking back and seeing which ones I accomplished (yay!) and the ones I'm still working on (at least I haven't totally given up), and which ones I can carry over to 2012. And now it's time to come up with some more!

2011 New Year's Resolutions

1. Receive representation for my book
Hasn't happened yet. Sigh.

But. i. will. not. give. up.

I have learned so much about my writing and have been fortunate so many agents have liked my story and have taken the time to offer personal feedback. It's rare for me to get form rejections. Every time I get a rejection, I also get a list or paragraph of ways to improve my book. To me, that's not rejection, it's opportunity. Currently, I'm revising once again! A work in progress, I suppose. But someday I will have my book in my hands. I will be bouncing all over shouting "I DID IT! I DID THIS!" all the while smelling the pages. Ahhh.

2. Travel somewhere new
That would have been Riviera Maya, Mexico, in February with Karl's family. So much fun!

My new destination in 2011 - Riviera Maya, Mexico!

3. Start a family
That happened in August...yay!

Pregnant!

4. Start a recipe portfolio/blog
I'm surprised I stuck with this and now I really enjoy my recipe blog! I simply enjoy blogging! I could do this full time. Ha! Will be continuing this into 2012 for sure.

Kicked off Food Blog in 2011!

5. Get an article in a big magazine
I tried, but no dice. I want to focus on this more in 2012. I love reading articles in magazines. I think it would be so cool if I saw an article written by me published in one of those magazines I so often read! I'll keep trying and see what happens.

6. Say "no" more and do things for me
Once I found out I was preg, I was definitely saying "no" more and I'm totally OK with it now! I love having more free time. I'm doing things I WANT TO DO! And that makes me happy! Isn't that what we all want  - to be happy? Who the heck was I trying to impress this whole time?

Playing Kubb in Kansas...just because!

7. Get organized
I think we've had Lupus and the Vets and some other donation places come to our house at least six times this year. We have donated so much stuff. Remember we turned two town homes into one, so there were lots of goodies. We keep purging and I hope to do this more and more! Stuff be gone! Now my next step is to get rid of the clutter so baby doesn't have to worry about knocking things over, or I don't have to worry about baby getting knocked over by stuff... We continue to watch Hoarders to help with this.

8. Stop biting my nails
Yeah, right...dream on!

9. Flush out the bad with the good
I did a metal detox before I became pregnant to get out all the heavy metals that might have been in my system. Who knows if it worked, but all I know is I did get pregnant right away!

And now...drum roll....

2012 New Year's Resolutions

1. Keep working on my book and receive representation
I am NOT giving up on this dream. Sorry. I started on book number two as well. But my focus is on getting book number one to perfection and into the right agent's hands. If not, I might start reading more about self-publishing.

Bigger goal - write full time (sometimes in coffee shops) and be able to focus on family more. Have book signings...maybe even one at the Mall of America:) 

2. Publish an article in a magazine
I think a lot about stuff. Life. Death. Relationships. Chasing after dreams. I also realized something about myself this past year...I'm very observant when it comes to people, how they were brought up and how they handle situations and how it effects them and those around them. Then I analyze. I don't know if this observation thing is something that comes with age, but I see things I realize others don't. And then I like to write about them.

3. Be the best mom I can be
I'm not sure how I can measure this, but I'm going to gauge it on happiness. Am I waking up most every morning with happiness bubbling over in my heart? Are those around me super happy too? If so, then I'm doing my job. Am I constantly worrying, trying to keep up, stressing out, beating myself down? Then I am NOT doing my job. Babies can pick up on anxiety and all that negative crap. I figure all baby really needs is love and attention (well food and clothes too). That's it. And that's what I plan to give him/her.

Bigger goal: Be able to hire a cleaning service, freeing up time to have more fun!

4. Set up special date nights with my sweetheart at least once a month
As I was revamping my blog, I was going through pictures of all the trips and adventures Karl and I have been on together, and I thought to myself..."Dang, we have a pretty sweet relationship. We do such awesome things! Will those things have to end now?"

At Mount St Helens

Then I was telling him the other day that sometimes I spend 30 minutes of my commute into work thinking of him. His laugh. His smile. His smell. (I'm so warped, I know.) I just want to make sure I'm never taking a second of my life with him for granted. I know how it feels when someone you love walks away from everything you believed in and I vowed I would live each and every day to the max with Karl.

AND, I also know we're in for a treat with a baby. This is going to be a huge (and I mean HUGE) adjustment for us - financially, emotionally and mentally. And I don't want to lose that special bond we have. I want to keep things fun and exciting...and adventurous. So I want to make sure we carve out time for Christie and Karl, even if it's somewhere silly. Just the two of us.

5. Travel somewhere new
I want to do this every year. I don't know how we're going to do it [financially], but I'm putting it down anyway. This is a big world and there is so much beauty to see. I don't want to miss any of it!

Bigger goal: Get on The Amazing Race with Karl. I dream big!

Kind of always had a soft spot for Tahiti and Bora Bora....

6. Be in the best shape I can be
The weight is pouring on right now and it's hard for me. It's hard for me to find the time and energy to get to the gym. I could be better about it, but I haven't been. And once baby comes and I'm back working, how could I possibly go to the gym too? I don't know what my plan is to get back into shape, but I want to at least get some physical activity in three to four times a week as a family. I know I'm probably going to have to lose my trainer and maybe even my gym membership to pay for daycare, but nothing is more important than health. Without it, life...well...doesn't really exist.

7. Do something kind for someone once a month
I know...once a month sounds terrible. I should be kind all the time! But I'm talking about doing something out of the blue for a friend, or maybe even a stranger. Just reaching out to that person who's struggling or going through a rough time....or even celebrating a huge success. I want to take a moment to write them a note and do something that will make them realize they aren't alone, they can do anything they put their mind to and nothing - setbacks, heartbreak, loss  - can stand in the way. Or even invite them over for dinner or something just to talk and have some sense of community.

Bigger goal: Eventually get into a business of designing and writing inspirational greeting cards for people.

8. Get Photos in Photobooks
I want to create those Snapfish, Kodak Gallery (etc) photobook albums of our trips. I have pictures saved on my portable hard drive, but no albums. I especially want to keep up with creating photo books of baby and his/her milestones and keeping both grandparents involved so they have something tangible to hang on too as well.

9. Blog about our Fun Trips and Adventures
Karl and I have been on so many great trips. I have all of them down in journals all over our room, but I wanted to get them up on this blog with pictures to go with them. I think this could be a fun project I could possibly do when I'm on maternity leave, but we will see!

10. Start Working on my Middle Grade Book Series
I have a pretty cool idea for a Middle Grade book series. I need to get this down on paper and outline each book. I'm assuming I won't be able to start writing these books this year, but I want to begin thinking about moving this forward. I need to read more Middle Grade books first, but I'm getting excited about this!

11. 'Blast off' in my Career
It is time. If I have to work and sit behind a desk all day, I want to be happy. Why can't I? And that means doing what I love. I deserve to love what I do. I want to shine. I want to make a difference. I want to knock my own socks off in 2012.  

What are some of your New Year's Resolutions?

"If we celebrate the years behind us, they become stepping stones of strength and joy for the years ahead."

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2011 Goals Revisited - More Added

Summer is nearly over, life is flying by and it's time to re-evaluate my goals and dreams for 2011, since we're well past the halfway mark. Every year goes a little faster, doesn't it? Back in January, I came up with a bucket list and a list of goals for myself. I then shared these in a blog post. I want to revisit them and see if I'm at least headed in the right direction since I feel a little lost right now. I'm a doer but I feel like there hasn't been any success checking off my checklist. And that makes me question everything.

The thing is, I know what I want. I'm going after what I want, but I feel like nothing is happening. I'd be lying if I said life hasn't been crazy, busy and I haven't been working my tail off, but those big goals are a little harder to obtain and require a lot of work. More than I ever imagined. I see now why so many people give up. But I don't want to! I want to make my dreams a reality. And I really believe they can come true, but maybe it's not on my time? I don't know...

My 2011 Goals Revisited

1. Receive representation for my book Not yet... I queried a lot beginning in February. I also heard back from several agents who requested a full or partial. This was a huge step in the right direction. In the end, I revised my entire manuscript thanks to several positive suggestions from agents. And in about a month, I resent and have received a few more requests; however, I've noticed the summer months are a little bit quieter in agent land. So I'm back to waiting and querying and praying that something works out!

In the meantime I have started writing two new books. I started one awhile back before I revised my first manuscript, and then started another one more recently. Both have potential but I really want to see where my first book goes. So this makes it hard to keep going. Will I really become a full-time writer at some point?

2. Travel somewhere new
Check! My husband and I went to Riviera Maya, Mexico in February with his family. I have been to Mexico but never the Riviera. It was truly beautiful. A super fun family vacation.

3. Start a family
We're getting there... 

4. Start a recipe portfolio/blog
Check! Every week I've been uploading a recipe or two to this blog. I've received wonderful feedback from friends, family and strangers who have tried these recipes! So thanks! It's also really pushed me to eat even healthier. Love it.

5. Get an article in a magazine
Not yet... I wrote a couple articles this winter but no dice. This is definitely something I'd like to work on again and pursue.

6. Say "no" more and do things for me
Still struggling... This is so hard for me. I feel like I'm hurting people's feelings. But time is precious and the older I get, the more I realize how I want to spend my time - I don't want to use it toward something I'm not totally emotionally, spiritually, mentally or physically invested in. When I do this, I get stretched too thin and I'm not as fun to be around.

7. Get organized
We're getting there...  We sold Karl's town home and are down to one place! Yeah!!! However, the basement is stacked floor to ceiling with boxes, collectibles and hunting gear, and the garage is getting tighter by the day. One Saturday, Karl and I sat down and watched Hoarders. That did the trick. The man with 2000+ rats was enough to send us in a cleaning frenzy and the next day we started tossing stuff. I need to do that every day though. It feels really great, but it's a lot of work. Baby steps here.

8. Stop biting my nails
That's a big no! What can I say? I'm an addict. But I'll highlight this on my new list as something I really need to work on.

9. Flush out the bad with the good
Check! I did a metal detox for a month. The first two weeks I felt like a total zombie, but once I got through the hump, I felt like myself. I didn't really see a difference so I'm not sure what to say about this? However, I do eat very healthy and have hired a trainer and really have noticed changes in my body and health. When I feel good, I feel like I can take on the world.

My new set of goals 2011
1. Receive representation for my book
2. Complete rough draft of book #2
3. Get an article published in a popular magazine
4. Start a family
5. Be happy in my career - find my niche so I can look forward to each day and stay focused
6. Let go and let God - STOP worrying so darn much
7. Start building our dream home on paper - kind of a fun project, though not expecting to move out of the townhome anytime soon
8. Find more time - (grocery shop one day out of the week, etc. etc. - find balance in all I do). I swear by the time I get home from work the night is already over.
9. STOP biting my fingernails

Do you have goals for yourself? How are you doing this year with them?

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Feeling stuck or running out of luck?

Time to brush off the muck!

I knew I should have been a rapper or a song writer after that awesome title. Can't you just hear the beats now? No? Alrighty-o...

I had a bad week. And, yes, I do have bad weeks as smiley and bubbly as I may appear. We all have those, right? The thing is I really shouldn't be having a bad week. I'm healthy. I have a job. The bills are paid on time. My husband is amazing. So yeah, I really don't have a concrete reason for mine. And usually I can turn around from a bad day faster than most people. All it takes is jumping on the stair stepper or running a few miles to feel like my old self.

I mean, three weeks earlier my mom did put our amazing family dog, Pete, down. Am I still grieving? Possibly. But then I spent a great Fourth of July with my family and my husband. We took a day off work and spent a wonderful day with my grandparents (they even played KUBB with us...yes, my 84-year-old grandpa and my grandma played a lawn game). How could I be down about that?

My Gramps playing KUBB (he's gonna be 84 in a couple months)

I can't totally tell if I'm still grieving, missing my family or feeling plain ol' stuck in life. I'm pretty sure it's the latter.

I was to the breaking point this week of desperately wanting to get in my car and drive, with no plans, no directions - just drive - never looking back. (Of course I'd have to pick up Karl on the way.) I don't even know why I felt the way I did, other than to say my days felt like I was living in a dark hole.

Yikes, right?

My Grams taking us girls all the way! Our victory dance.

Do you ever feel like this though? Kind of like you have this energy inside of you surging through your veins mixed with this intense light burning, dying to get out, but nothing is happening.

Maybe you keep trying and keep working really hard and continue to juggle everything that comes your way, and you keep going through the motions and keep pushing yourself further than you'd imagine and still...nothing.

Then the worst part of it all is waiting. Lots and lots of waiting. Waiting makes room for self-doubt, poor judgement, fear and questions. Is this how life will be for me? Continuous pushing and juggling? Will I have to keep working so hard forever? Or is this dream of mine not supposed to happen and I'm being warned? Does God have other plans for me?

And then, the icing on the cake: sometimes you watch as people walk into a room, bat their eyelashes and get everything. What gives?

Does this every happen to you? Maybe you feel like you're going through the motions, wondering when that magical moment will happen. Maybe you're stuck in a dead-end job, struggling to make ends meet. Maybe you're looking for more, but aren't exactly sure what that "more" is. Or you know exactly what it is you want, but it's just not happening. Why?

I think we've all been there. I think we all hit moments in our lives where we feel stuck. We lose our sense of purpose. We question everything. And we feel trapped. Maybe we can't live our life the way we want due to our lists of never ending "grownup" responsibilities. Maybe we let fear take over. Maybe we just don't know what it is we're supposed to be anymore.

Well, guess what? Last night as I waited for Karl to return from Duluth, I picked up one of my many magazines (Ladies' Home Journal). I had time to flip through each page and read whatever articles I wanted. And there on page 39 was an article I swore was written just for me. It was called, "Get Lucky - You have to be in the right place at the right time - and the good news is, you're already there."

Well, well, well. What the heck have I been moping around for? Maybe instead of looking at the glass half full, I've been looking at it half empty this whole time. In short, my attitude sucked. It was time for a reality check and change.

Two points the article brought out:

"There's truth to the adage 'You make your own luck.'"

And,

"Lucky people assume that momentary failure is merely a pothole on the road to success."

That's it! I had fallen in a pothole! Duh. Maybe I felt like I was wearing a straight jacket because I was looking down instead of up. For heaven's sake, when we keep our heads down, we miss opportunities and seek answers and direction in the dark. But if we look up, we would see the light and all the tools we need to climb out of the hole.

So today, I brush off all the muck and crud and start climbing until I reach that dream of mine - the dream I feel so strongly inside of me.

As the article says, "Call it intuition, a sixth sense or a hunch - those flashes of insight are shortcuts to your true feelings... There's a difference between being intuitive and being impulsive. If you want to get lucky, sometimes you just have to go with your gut."

My gut tells me I want to be a writer. And it's going to happen. But I have to give it time and, yes, I'm going to have to keep working at it. The journey won't be an easy one - there will be more potholes, but I can't give up on it, or myself and go against what I feel so strongly inside. That feeling is there for a reason and I need to listen to it.

But at the same time, I need to live life to the full to see all the opportunities and possibilities waiting for me. And they aren't waiting for me in a pothole, that's for sure!

Not only that but a few pages further in the magazine was another article about a woman who lost her three beautiful daughters...in a second. Her life changed FOREVER. As I choked back tears and sobs after reading and hanging on to her each word, her one point drove everything home for me.

"Before the accident I'd look around my house and wish we could move someplace bigger. I'd worry about money and think about all the things I wanted my girls to have. It shouldn't have taken a tragedy like this to get me to finally understand: Things don't matter. They can be replaced. But before the girls died, I didn't realize just how much I could really lose."

For that I say, start digging yourself out of that hole and get lucky before life passes you by! Even the small successes are victories.

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