When the eye doctor says...."I Think You Have MS."

“I think you have MS.” The eye doctor looked at me with concern.

“What?” But I'm healthy, I thought. By then, the world had already sucked me into a vortex far away from anything and anyone. I vaguely remember Nathan pulling out all the napkins and Kleenex from the doctor’s office garbage can and tugging out all the electrical cords from the outlets. I did nothing. The eye doctor became Nathan's makeshift babysitter. 

Swallowing was hard. My heart pounded in my ears. I shook my head to rattle the dark thoughts bouncing around. “What? Does this mean there could be a tumor up there?” I squeaked out. I thought of my dear friend Kathy who lost her life in short 15 months after being diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme. Her diagnoses started all because she had a dark curtain in the upper quadrant of both her eyes.

So this is how she felt… My heart sank.

“I’m going to run a series of more tests, but everything you are telling me points to MS. The good thing is you didn’t have a stroke. You do not have a detached retina.”

The room started spinning. I stared at Nathan who was now spilling cheerios everywhere and marching all over them. I blinked. What does this mean? I won’t get to see him grow up? My kids won’t have a mom anymore? I’ll be in a wheelchair? I will start falling apart limb by limb? Karl will be burdened with taking care of me?

A little back story... On Sunday, March 13, I woke with a blur in my left eye. I thought maybe it was one of those floaters or maybe I had extra goop building in my eye. After all, both boys were sick with bad colds. I mentioned to Karl that something was blocking my vision that afternoon and that was it. Monday came and it felt like there was a curtain over my left eye. What was going on? Why did I keep seeing this weird gray overlay? Why did it hurt to move my eye suddenly to the left? I mentioned it to Karl and he snapped at me that I needed to get in the doctor right away but that I’m too stubborn to do anything about it. I didn't even get defensive. He's right. Plus, he too had a dear friend pass away from glioblastoma multiforme, leaving behind two young kids. I could hear the fear in his voice. I knew his mind was going to where mine had.

On Tuesday, my intuition kicked in as I was driving home from work and everything looked so blurry. That voice that pushes me to do things I fear the most reared its head. “YOU HAVE TO GO IN. THIS ISN’T NORMAL.”

I wanted to ignore. I just wanted normal. But it’s hard to ignore when I look out of my eyes all day long. I was constantly reminded something wasn’t right. Something was going on inside my brain.

It had to be stress. Right? Stress does crazy things. Both my grandparents died back to back and I still haven’t fully grieved them. Cuz as a mom when do I ever get to simply BE and THINK? I spent a solid 12 months of not sleeping. The last 3 weeks I was up 3-5 times a night with a teething toddler. We’d just lost an hour of sleep with daylight savings. I had huge projects going on at work, I'm a Beachbody coach to an amazing 2 star Premiere team and my mom just had a double mastectomy and was recovering at home and I couldn’t be there. I felt the heaviness of stress on my chest for months. Was it just that?

The fact my eyeball hurt to move told me otherwise. Eyeballs don’t hurt when you’re stressed out. Do they? I closed my eyes that night and bright blue lights started zipping around my left eye. And then a bright white light followed. It reminded me of the light I saw when I had a dream of my grandpa and he told me his time was coming. Was this a sign? Was my time coming? 

I woke up on Wednesday and felt like I was surrendering. Nathan was sick and I stayed home with him. I knew this meant my projects at work would be pushed behind even more, but by this point, I could barely focus on anything anyway. Plus, any chance I can get with my boys, I'm on it.

My eyesight was getting worse and I asked Karl if my eye doctor was still covered under our new insurance. I would try to get in since I was already taking the day off. Karl took it one step further and got me in with his eye doctor immediately.

I thought maybe I’d do one eye test and they'd know. I sat Nathan on my lap and went through 3 hours of tests that morning. Each one scared me more. I couldn’t see the blinking lights they were showing me in my left eye. My anxiety grew. What was going on? The eye doctor examined and re-examined my eyes. He dilated them. I never once wore contacts in my life, and the glasses I did wear back in the day were more for the “cool” factor and for a stigmatism that was corrected 5 years ago. When I went to my eye doctor in the fall, I was told my vision was even better than 2 years ago. Seriously, what was going on?

He came back in with my test results. “The good news is your actual eyeballs are healthy and perfect. However, you have this thing called Optic Neuritis. Your latest vision test confirms you are unable to see clearly out of your bottom right quadrant of your left eye. Your optic nerve is inflamed and usually optic neuritis is the first sign of MS.”

“What? MS? So it’s not a tumor?” (Why, oh, why did my mind keep going down this road?)

“There are no tumors that I can see in your eye but this is more nerve and brain related and I need to send you to a doctor at the U of M to get a MRI done. I talked to a neurologist already and he agrees with me that you have the classic signs of optic neuritis. They don’t know why it happens. It just does. You didn't do anything wrong. You have all the symptoms and you’re a female between the ages it normally develops.”

I blinked. My brain could not process what was going on. By now Nathan was licking the germ infested toys in the office. All I could do was stare at the floor. The admin assistant was able to get me an appointment but not for another 13 days!!!! I had to wait 13 days to figure out what was going on with my vision? Maybe a tiny part of me was comforted because if this was truly urgent, they would have gotten me in immediately, right?

I got in my car. My head was buzzing. I couldn’t make out words or names and numbers on my phone because I was still dilated and tears flooded my eyes. Nathan was now crying and fussy because we missed lunch and were right in the middle of nap. For one minute I wanted to just have a BREAK from it all. I called Karl and started crying. What was going on with me? Why was this happening? It was Karl’s birthday and I was telling him I might have MS. I didn’t want to tell him but I knew I couldn’t tell my mom. She needed to heal from her surgery. She did not need to worry about me now too. Maybe I'd wake up and everything would be fine?  

For the next several days, I was wound up so tight. My eyesight never changed, which fueled my anxiety. Why was my eye like this? I can say my perspective changed. I looked at everything and everyone differently. I let things go - things like food stuck on the floor and toys scattered all over the kitchen table. I hugged tighter. I snuggled in closer. I took naps. I relaxed on the couch and watched more TV (totally hooked on The Office right now. Thanks to Karl. I needed something funny to focus on) and wrapped myself in my prayer shawl. I begged God to let everything be OK. I prayed and prayed and talked to him and cried in silence. What did this all mean? I tried to stay away from Google but before I knew it according to my symptoms, I had a tumor, leukemia and MS with Lupus.

I tried working out because that has always been my saving grace and my therapy, but my eyesight would get worse every time my body temperature rose and it would create a greater anxiety in me. Was I harming my body? 

By now my mom knew what was going on. I had my preventative care appointment and she was curious as I was how things would turn out. Maybe something would come up there. I told my doctor what was going on and she was just as confused as I was. She ran extra blood work and the results were emailed to me throughout the day via MyChart. Every new test that came through, and I was Googling what organ was tied with the results. Everything was NORMAL. My potassium was a little low and my white blood count came in just under the standard numbers but the doctor didn’t see concern for that. What did a lower count mean, anyway?  I jumped on Google and before I knew it I had a rare form of cancer.

I needed to STOP.

From that point on, somehow I was able to take any negative thought and send it right to God. There was no other option but to do that unless I wanted to burn a hole in my stomach with the amount of worry I felt. I had to work hard at it but that’s what helped me get through the next several days. I figured God already had a plan laid out for me and I had to trust him. I had to trust there was a reason this was going on and I needed to be OK with not having answers.

The 29^th came and Karl and I drove to the U of M together. “Isn’t it amazing what a miracle our bodies really are? We don’t realize how amazing we have it until something goes wrong.” I choked down those words. Karl nodded and gripped the steering wheel tighter. I knew how I was feeling. I could only imagine what was going on in his mind since I’ve always been considered the positive one. I was so thankful he was there. I even mentioned that I felt like a college student again walking around campus next to him. We held hands. When was the last time we held hands?

It felt nice.

I filled out the paperwork and did another series of eye exams. My vision in my left eye was so blurry by now. I could barely make out the tiny letters in the top row of the eye chart. I had to work extra hard at reading them. I panicked.

We met with Dr. Lee and he asked me questions and examined my eyes. He too asked if he could dilate them. He studied them and confirmed that I do in fact have optic neuritis. He held up a bright red folder and the color changed to a burnt orange when I looked out of my left eye. That didn’t happen before when the first eye doctor did that test. My heart raced and palms got sweaty. Was I going downhill fast? 

Dr. Lee laid it out for us. “You have optic neuritis. To be diagnosed with MS you need two of the major symptoms. You have one of them, which is optic neuritis. Now, if your MRI comes back with white matter on it, you are at 75% risk for developing MS and will need to take preventative measures. This would mean you will meet with a neurologist and then decide if you want to get on the medicine that prevents MS. It’s just like someone who knows they have the BRCA1 and 2 genes deciding to get a double mastectomy because the chances of them developing breast cancer are so high. Now, if there is NO white matter, your chance of developing MS is 25% and you get to come back and see me in four weeks. You can also schedule another MRI in 6 months and schedule to get one every year if you want. Otherwise, your vision in your left eye usually will get worse before it gets better and it’ll take around 3 months to be restored. I also think you have something called Uhtoff’s. You have a faulty nerve wire in your eye. That might never be repaired so I want you to be prepared for that. When your body gets hot, you lose some of your vision and then it gets better when you cool back down. You are not harming your body by working out or taking showers. Do you have any questions for me?”

I didn’t. Other than this being a possible tumor. He told me it'd be SO rare for that even happening because all my symptoms point to MS, but he couldn't say never. He used some animal analogy they use in the healthcare field to help calm me and I figured he was probably right. There would be more symptoms if I had a tumor. By now I just wanted to know there was NO white matter on my brain and that I’d be OK. They call this idiopathic optic neuritis - there really isn't a reason why it happens. 

My MRI was scheduled for 2 p.m. I sat in the tube and watched the tech's face reading my scan through the mirror. Did he look shocked? Did he seem concerned? He seemed to be enjoying a pop... You wouldn't enjoy a pop if someone's brain was lighting up with white dots, right? After 15 minutes, he pulled me out of the tube and added dye to my arm. I went back in for another 12 minutes. Taylor Swift sang in my ear and I kept on talking to God. Maybe he wants me to see how truly powerful my mind can be? I had myself believing the worst case scenario. If I can channel all the negative thoughts I have into positive ones, I will be unstoppable. If I can just learn to trust him always and continue to put my faith in him, I will have the peace I need to simply ENJOY this amazing life. But why IS LETTING GO and GIVING TO GOD SO HARD to do though? 

My MRI was over. Now I would wait for the call. I wanted to enjoy the rest of my day but we were out of milk and eggs! So off to Costco I went. It helped keep me distracted.

At 5 p.m. my phone rang. “It’s Dr. Lee. Your MRI is NORMAL. Everything looks great. I will see you in four weeks to see where your eye is at.”

I melted to the floor. I cried with relief. I will BE OKAY. Sure there is still that small chance for things to happen but in my mind, I have my second chance. THANK YOU GOD! It’s time to get busy living!  

Ever have something funky happen to your eye? 

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What Comes with Breast Cancer?

I have started this blog post a bunch, but then I stop.

Every. Single. Time.

When I don’t have control over things, it feels uncomfortable - scary at times - and so much easier to ignore. But when cancer is involved, you can’t just pretend it’s not there.

My mom and my sweet lil niece Audrey

Most of you have been following my mom’s journey with breast cancer. It all happened so fast and caught us off guard. But statistics are now showing that we’re all going to be faced with cancer at some point in our lives. The fact that she’s made it into her 60s without any history up until this point "is great", according to the doctor.

I lose my breath at the thought of all this - cancer feels like it's taking over at times - but let me continue on. 

A month ago, my mom had an appointment with a new surgeon who would do another lumpectomy. She would cut into my mom’s left breast, remove and mark more positive margins and remove and test three lymph nodes. If there was cancer detected in any of the lymph nodes, they’d keep testing until the last lymph node showed no sign of cancer.

The first lumpectomy my mom had, the surgeon removed all the breast cancer and positive margins but didn’t mark where he collected the positive margins from. During a lumpectomy, the surgeon’s goal is to take out all the breast cancer, plus a rim of normal tissue around it. This is to be sure all the cancer has been removed.

During or after surgery, a pathologist looks at the tissue that’s been removed to make sure there are no cancer cells in the margin. A clear, negative, or clean margin means there are no cancer cells at the outer edge of tissue that was removed. A positive margin means that cancer cells come right out to the edge of the removed tissue and have ink on them. 

My mom was able to find out that day with the first surgeon that there were stage 0 and 1 cells in the tumor that was removed from her left breast. They just need to find out what grade. The grade would determine how fast this cancer was growing. When those results came back, my mom found out her cancer was a grade 1 – the slowest growing. She had her age and post-menopausal factor to thank for that. And he was sure he had removed all the cancer.

The next step was to meet with an oncologist and radiologist, which she did and loved. After speaking to the radiologist, she suggested my mom meet with a female surgeon who wanted to test her lymph nodes to be safe.

This is when she found out the positive margins weren’t marked specifically so she would also have to do another lumpectomy. So during my mom's second lumpectomy, the surgeon ran the lymph nodes off for testing while my mom was under. No further cancer of any form was detected in any of the lymph nodes. GREAT NEWS!!!

The surgeon sent extra breast tissue off to the Mayo to ensure there were no more cancer cells in the breast tissue. Seemed like everything was going to turn out just fine after all. Whew.

My parents left in good spirits since the news of the lymph nodes was great! But my poor mom was once again in pain and learned she would never be able to get her blood pressure taken from her left arm again or get blood drawn because they had removed lymph nodes from her armpit. Hearing this bummed me out. It’s the little things, I guess. Just one of the things we take for granted.

My mom was to REST and go back a week later and discuss possible radiation treatments and a certain medication she could take. Not the best of best news, but so much better than what could be, right? We will take it! My mom went home but never handles medication well and spent the evening throwing up.  We'e very much alike when it comes to medications. Our bodies just don’t handle.

I was feeling so guilty that I wasn’t with her because I was in California for a Beachbody Coaching Leadership Retreat and it took every OUNCE of me to leave my boys, let alone be even more miles away from her during this surgery. My anxiety levels were at an ALL-TIME HIGH. So when I got the good news, I felt like everything was right with the world and I could breathe a little more.
A week went by and my mom decided that she’d go forward with radiation.  But when she sat with the surgeon she didn’t expect the news she got. The tissue that was removed came back with some stage 0 (pre cancer) and some stage 1 cancer cells. Nooooooooo!! So that meant there were still cancer cells growing in her breast. I can only imagine what my parents felt, let alone my mom. Defeated? Frustration? Shock? Fear?

The surgeon suggested a mastectomy, followed by possible chemo. And then gave my mom some options. She could go ahead and get a mastectomy and leave it at that and look for a prosthetic boob or find an entire new surgeon and get the mastectomy and get reconstructive surgery. That specific hospital did not offer reconstructive surgery.

My mom went home stunned. She’d have to go through even MORE? What if this was just the beginning? What if her time here was shorter than she thought? What if she removed her breasts and the cancer had nowhere to go and ended up in a new spot? What if… What if…

(I only know these thoughts because she shared them with me in a moment on the phone. I appreciated her vulnerability but I don’t think I slept very much that night. Things became very real.)

She spent time looking at her chest in the mirror apologizing to her smaller breasts for all the times she criticized them for being less than perfect. She spent time visualizing her body without her most feminine parts in hopes maybe this would prepare her better.

Personally, I’m not sure how to prepare yourself for losing a part of you. I keep thinking what if someone said, well, I’m just going to take a couple fingers or toes? Is that different than removing your breasts? No matter what part of our body, they are all part of who we are.  

So my mom gathered all her results and went to a new hospital that offered a team of doctors for both the mastectomy and reconstructive surgery so she can get it all done at once. She met with the surgeon and plastic surgeon and felt really good with how thorough they were with her. They also said the chance of the other breast getting cancer is around 20%. So my mom is opting for a double mastectomy. The surgery should last around five hours and it will be painful – she was given an instructional video to watch.

She has met with a new oncologist (who she loved and made eye contact the entire time) who says after her breasts are removed, she will not need further treatment. Her double mastectomy, followed by reconstructive surgery, is scheduled in early March. 

So here’s to more prayers, lots of them, please!! For a healthy, quick recovery.

This is how I’ve been praying, “God. Please give my mom the wisdom and strength to make the right choices for herself so she will live out the healthiest and longest, most joyful life possible. Lead her to the right team of doctors to help her through this and comfort her through this recovery period. Fill her with sunshine and shoot sunbeams throughout her body to melt away any negativity, sadness, uncertainty, or bad cells that do not belong. Keep her strong. Fill her with hope and love daily. Hold her in the palm of your hands. I trust you. Amen.”

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Guilt-Free, No-Bake Cookie Dough Treat

Did someone say cookie dough?

You're going to love this quick NO BAKE healthier option.

Ingredients:

2 scoops of vanilla Shakeology (I used two individual packs. Shakeology does not contain artificial colors, flavors or sweeteners or soy)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS unsweetened almond milk
2/3 cups of real almond butter
as many semi sweet chocolate chips as you'd like

Directions:

Place all ingredients in a bowl and mix with hands. Roll into tiny balls and stick in fridge!

ENJOY!

Interested in more recipes like these and my sample weekly meal plans? Never miss a recipe. Fill out my online form to be added to my newsletter.

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Week Two: Hammer and Chisel

Done with Week Two!

WooHoo! I have completed two solid weeks of Hammer and Chisel and I'm so in love with this program! It's just the right amount of tough. Why do I love it?

It challenges me
Some of the moves are very different than what I've done before working with a trainer and even as a volleyball player in college. The workouts definitely challenge me and I like that. My muscles feel like they get a real great workout every time! And it's different muscles too, which I love. Below is a quick video of some of the workout sets from Week One. Workouts range from 30-40 minutes. Wham bam and feeling great!

I feel stronger 
I still haven't mastered a full pull up, but I totally feel stronger. I have always struggled with normal push ups my whole life and I feel like I'm starting to get them down. I'm trusting the trainers, the different moves and my body and it's responding back! It's a great feeling to watch yourself accomplish things you used to struggle with. Keep on believing in yourself and the magic will happen!

It's giving me more confidence and energy
I've been getting up at 5 a.m. to make sure I squeeze in these workouts before work. #noexcuses. Sure, I look forward to Thursdays because those are my "rest" days where I get an extra hour of sleep, but I like my routine. This past Thursday, I was tempted by bad foods because my schedule was off. However, instead of beating myself up, I reminded myself I'm doing something really great for myself! That next day I hit it harder. We should never deprive ourselves of the foods we love or the life we want to live. We all make mistakes. I just call it failing forward!

I'm obsessed with chocolate and look forward to my sweet chocolate snack every afternoon. 

I enjoy the foods
I am trying to follow the meal plan the best I can but like I mentioned above, there have been some slip ups. However, I try and make up for it the next day. I go by the 80/20 rule. Eat cleaner 80 percent of the time and maybe not so perfect 20 percent of the other time. This has been the reason I have been able to maintain. I will probably have to step it up soon though if I want that booty lifted even higher! Feel free to check out my Week Two Meal Plan.

My next online bootcamp starts on February 1! Would love to see you in there. If you're interested, fill out the application.

WEEK TWO PROGRESS:
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 155 (same)
Inches: TBD
Energy: AWESOME!

What workout are you doing?

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Want to Join Me for Coffee?

Good to see you!! Thanks for joining me for coffee again. 

Although, I’m trying to get more water versus coffee, I always notice when I don’t get enough water the right side of my face starts to break out more and I get more leg cramps at night. So chugging water over here. My husband always laughs at me anyway when I say I'm going to have coffee because it's about 5 sips worth. 

ANYWAY...how have things been going for you?

If we were having coffee, this is what I’d say …

I’d let you know I talked to my mom yesterday and she goes in for more surgery next week Thursday. She met with a new female surgeon who also talked to my mom’s cardiologist down the hall so they are on the same page. My mom felt great about that visit. The surgeon plans to go in and remove even more tissue and the positive margins that were on the lump (that weren’t marked by the first surgeon) and then start with removing 3 lymph nodes. If there are signs of cancer in those, they will keep testing and removing lymph nodes until there is no sign of cancer in the last node. It sounds like there are about 30 lymph nodes in the breast? I'm learning as we go too! She will have a large dent in her breast that will fill with water and then she will have options of what she wants to do depending how things come back. I continue to be positive and visualize the sun filling her body every day and melting away and “dark” areas.

I’d let you know about Nathan and how he is extremely clingy right now. He hangs on to me for dear life. He’ll walk away for a few, play and runs back and snuggles up into me. It is quite sweet because he is SO miniature and cuddly, but that sure makes dinner time or doing much of anything productive tough. The spaces where his eye teeth will be coming in are swollen so we know what's on the horizon soon. He’s back to waking with screams during the night. His latest obsession is with light switches. He likes everything but his toys. He loves his winter hat and walking around with it and his jacket. He pulls out everyone’s shoes and then puts them all back, or hides them. And he is my chocolate lover. He can’t get enough. It’s a true obsession and I think I ate too much when I was pregnant with him. Oops.

I’d let you know that after a week of hanging out with my dad, Jackson started singing Polish. He shocked my dad when he walked downstairs and sang and recited the entire song my dad sang to him in Polish the day before. This kid is a sponge. He is hilarious and is ALL BOY. We talk about anatomy often. He’s asking a LOT of questions. Oh, and because Nathan’s latest obsession is light switches, Jackson's obsession is ...ummm....light switches! He was even put in a timeout because he switched off the lights at daycare.  The other day I told him how frustrated I was with how my day was going. I groaned out loud. And he says this, 

Jackson: “Mom. Why are you so frustrated?”

Me: “Nothing seems to be going the way I planned so I’m frustrated. I worked really hard and things aren’t falling into place.”

Jackson: “Oh.”

Me: “What should I do? What do you do when you’re frustrated?”

Jackson: “I pray to God. You should do that and he will take your mad away.”

POOF. Frustrations gone. Who is this kid and how did we get so lucky?

I’d let you know that I did a really hard thing. I booked my trip for Leadership Training in L.A. for Beachbody coaching. Because I ended the year as a Premiere Coach, I was invited to this trip. I just wasn’t sure how to present it to Karl. I knew I had to break a pattern I was creating of always saying "NO" to these amazing trips I was earning, but change is hard and leaving my kids is pretty much a no-go for this girl. I know doing the hard thing brings really good things. BUT the guilt was eating at me. I already feel guilty when I have to leave my kids for work. 

This is a HUGE deal though. I can't pass it up. And soooo...I did it. 

The last time I have gone anywhere without kids was when I was pregnant with Jackson (so I guess I was with child) and we went to Vegas over 4 years ago. Most of the time I slept though because I was so tired.

Anyway, I was SO nervous asking Karl if I could go. Would he laugh? Would he roll his eyes? Would he be frustrated with me? I have worked SO hard in my business as a health and fitness coach and earned this trip. And I know if I want to grow, I have to go. I have to do the hard thing. The thing that makes me so uncomfortable I want to jump out of my skin.

But all of a sudden he saw the Tiffany earrings come in, then the flowers, then my quarterly bonus check, then the recognition and me being announced on stage. He saw me jumping up and down and the passion oozing through every being of my body. He started to pay attention. 

With a dry mouth and a million nerves, I shared with him how important this was for me…for US and our future. I switched kid’s appointments around, made sure I stocked the freezer with easy to make foods and soon I booked the flights and hotel. I am so exited to go but so scared too. I can’t wait to be a sponge and soak up EVERYTHING I learn and apply it in my business and share with the leaders on my team. And I already can't wait to see my kids. Oh, and Karl too:) 

And then I booked our trip for Punta Cana in 2017 because as a Premiere coach I get to register early. I've had a lot of people ask about coaching so I'm running a One HOUR Sneak Peek into coaching right on Facebook. Fill this out and I'll get you in on Sunday evening. It's a great place to ask questions and learn more about coaches and see how other busy people are able to do this from all walks of life! 

 

I’d let you know that I’ve been doing a lot of goal setting and simplifying of my life. Sometimes my head spins with all that goes on, but once I get things down on paper and split out by quarter, I can stay focused on my goals and keep moving forward, rather than feeling stuck and doing nothing because there is so much going on! I work hard and early so when it comes to my family, I can spend time focusing on them and being present. They are my everything!.

I’d let you know that I’m in week two of Hammer and Chisel and feeling awesome. I seriously love this workout. I was telling my challenge group that the latest workout felt like I was back playing volleyball again warming up before a big game, just 30 minutes more. I can definitely see and feel changes in my body and energy levels!  I’m not going to lie though, I sure do love the “recover” day.  My next online bootcamp starts February 1 and I'm looking for a few more people to transform their bodies and lives! Register here. 

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Day One - Hammer and Chisel - Chisel Balance

Today starts the first day of another monthly health and fitness challenge group! 

I get so inspired by all the individuals in these groups. Without their support and encouragement, it would be harder to press play every day! We have people in this group doing 21-Day Fix, 21-Day Fix Extreme, PiYo, Cize and Hammer and Chisel.

I’m doing Hammer and Chisel for the first time since it was launched in December 2015. Hammer and Chisel is based off SSP (Stabilization, Strength and Power) training so you don't have to spend HOURS in the gym. You can truly get results in 40 minutes or less. 

To be honest, I’m feeling really good after today’s workout (already sore!!)! I SO NEEDED to get back into my routine after the crazy holidays and all that food, alcohol and slacking. I know right now the gym (as much as I love it) doesn’t work for me with my schedule and where we live. It would take me an extra 20 minutes to get to the gym and on a machine or in a class, and another 20 to get home. This doesn’t even include shower/getting ready time. I’d have to get up at 3:00 to make this work!! Sleep plays a HUGE role in weight loss and muscle recovery. As a mom of two boys, I need all the sleep I can get.

Getting up at 5:00 a.m. wasn’t as bad as I expected being off our routine for ten days. Both our boys ended up getting colds and fevers right before Christmas and didn’t sleep so well and then gave their little bug to me. Thanks guys (but they are soo cute!)! I was up coughing most of the night for a solid week. Then our oldest started to fight nightmares and was up quite often. I was way too exhausted to work out. Plus, Christmas snuck up on me and I needed all the energy I could get to tackle everything – still haven’t sent out all our Christmas cards. Oops! On a positive note, it seems like we’re all doing much better and I’m very thankful for that! I have a really hard time being sick and realize I take my health for granted. We are so very lucky to feel well most of the time!!

January 4, 2016

Up and at em at 5:00 a.m.! I had my workout shorts set out and my alarm set for 5 and was already wearing my t-shirt and sports bra (slept in them) so I would be forced to get my workout in! #noexcuses

The night before I prepped our lunches and had all the sippy cups ready for the boys and set out a pot to boil eggs. I had set up my laptop in the basement and had my workout calendar on my bench so I knew exactly what workout I would be doing. All I had to do was walk downstairs, add Beachbody’s Performance Hydrate to water in my Shakeology shaker cup, put on my shoes….gray socks and all (hey, I went to church on Sunday and our laundry is already big enough) and press play!!!  Seemed easy enough and there was no room for excuses!

The Masters Hammer and Chisel – Chisel Balance

Today was Chisel Balance and a 40 minute workout. It goes FAST. All that was needed was a few different set of weights (I used 5-10 pound weights) and my workout bench. The workouts weren’t as bad as I thought they would be (at times I would get frustrated with my feet), but they were also moves I have never ever done before and can already feel them in my legs (especially hamstrings)! Like..whoa. That says a lot considering I spent all of my college days lifting weights as an athlete on a volleyball scholarship!

After my workout I enjoyed Chocolate Recover, which is supposed to help with muscle soreness and jump-start recovery. I tried these supplements while doing my 21 days of Extreme because I was skeptical to start, as I am with most things! Well...I totally noticed a difference in muscle soreness. Of course with any workout, you're going to be sore but I wasn't as sore as I know I should have been. I didn’t want to believe so I went without for a few days. VERY SORE! There’s an incredible science behind this line! The other cool thing is they don’t count as ANY color containers and the ingredients are plant-based. No artificial weird stuff at all!!!  SCORE!

Nutrition

I didn’t make it to the grocery store on Sunday like I normally do. Nathan (our 14 month old) is extremely clingy right now and I couldn’t find the time to sit down and meal plan and write out a grocery list. This only reminded me WHY I get up so early. I NEED that 1.5 hours to myself every morning to be the best mom I can be…or else I get so lost in the day and in everything else going on around me and get hung up on things that I shouldn’t and just don’t like how I feel or how I am! I became a coach for this very reason!!! For my own sanity and health and wellness. I needed to find a way to force myself to work on myself! I know what happens when I do and when I don’t!

I did find time to meal plan this morning and will be picking up fresh groceries today after work. Here is our Meal Plan for Week One and follows the Hammer and Chisel Eating Plan – it’s so nice to have this as a guiding tool. After going through all the materials from my challenge pack, I know I’m doing Plan A which is 1,200 – 1,499 calories a day for the goals I have by the end of the 60 days.

PERSONAL FITNESS GOALS for next 60 days

• 1Lose 5 lbs
• 2Get a 6 pack (my lower abs need work!)
• 3Lift booty
• 4Be able to do ONE pull up without help

My Before Photo

Day One Height – 5’10

Day One Weight – 156 pounds

Day One Total Inches – TBD (will be adding these numbers in)

What workout are you doing now? There’s still room for you to participate in my monthly health and fitness online bootcamp! Register here.

Check back often to read more about my journey and results!

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If We Were Having Coffee Together...

So let’s say we are sitting by a fire with coffee in our hands, talking. 

I would have black coffee with either heavy whipping cream (most natural state, of course!) Or topped with whipped coconut milk in the BPA free cans. You know, the kind you have to scrape the hard stuff off the top and then whip that up with cinnamon and a little vanilla extract! (Yum!!!).

Coffee Break

Of course I’d be so happy to see you and ask you a million questions and then I’d listen to you. But when it comes to my turn, this is what I’d share…

I’d tell you that I have been enjoying my parents visit this past week. That I was counting down the minutes for my mom to walk through the door on Christmas so I could see her and hug her. I've been praying so hard for her and am so thankful that her results came back fairly decent. But now I am extra observant with both my parents. I see how they are getting older. That they are a little slower, they tire faster and easier, and my sweet energetic boys wear them out. And part of me starts to feel sad because I know things won’t always be this way forever, so I try my hardest to be forgiving, more mindful and remind myself to enjoy every minute. I’m not ready for these times to change just yet…

Shopping fun! Maybe someday I'll start finding time to get make up on! 

I’d tell you that Jackson has been waking with nightmares for two weeks. He wakes sobbing and it breaks my heart. When I ask what’s going on, he tells me, “nofin”. I’m not sure what’s going on. The boys have both survived an awful week of horrible colds and coughing through the night (and then gave it to me! I can't wait to get a full night's sleep), but these nightmares are killer. Karl has been crawling in bed with Jackson to keep him calm.  I’m grateful we decided to go with the full bed versus the twin. I find myself thanking God for bringing Karl into my life a lot lately. He sure was worth the wait.  

Love this kid!!!

I’d tell you that I’m a little worried about how Jackson is handling being a big brother. He’s amazing and caring and sweet, but he sure misses all the attention. And he has this obsession with Nathan’s hands and poking them, pinching them, or shoving Nathan’s fingers in his mouth and trying to bite them with his lips. “It’s not biting if I use my lips, mom,” he tells me. He has no problem throwing big pillows at Nathan when I turn away or ripping every single toy out of Nathan’s hand or plowing him over with toys or his own body. When Nathan crawls in my lap, Jackson has to. When I play with Nathan, Jackson has to come over and jump all over me.  When I spend too much time with Nathan, Jackson becomes whiny and clingy. Hoping this is just a phase and I’m giving equal amounts of attention to both. Praying a lot about this one and giving this one to God. 

Loves his brother's hands

I’d tell you that I still have about 30-some Christmas cards in my bag that I never sent out. I just can’t seem to get to them. And I lost my drive and desire to send them out. This year I was able to address a few cards at a time every couple days and Nathan would take them and drool on them and Jackson would scribble on them. As soon as I’d get busy sealing, the boys would need me for something and the pile would just sit. So I apologize if you’re still waiting on your card.

I'd tell you that Christmas was really great but it came and went so fast that it almost felt like any other day. Of course the morning of was magical and so much fun, but last year I was on maternity leave with Nathan and I felt like I was listening to Christmas music from the day he was born in October to the day I went back to work in January. There were lots of fires in the fireplace, snuggles and hot chocolate with Rumchata. This year it felt like we were running all over the place and I was catching my breath half the time or trying to fight off whatever bug the boys caught. Time sure goes FAST! We hosted Christmas this year and let me tell you...that is WORK! But I love family!

Just a few extra steps on Christmas!

I’d tell you that I went shopping with my mom on Sunday and it felt AMAZING. It’s been a long time since we have gone “fun” shopping. It’s either been Costco or the grocery store for us when we get together. It felt like I came alive walking around and trying on clothes. I remembered how much fun it is and better yet when I actually get to try on something and it fits! I felt like I started to get some of my style back! I'm getting there. Soon I'll introduce jewelry back into my life again.

I’d tell you that my online Health and Fitness business is doing really well. That my heart and soul is in this business and I have HUGE visions and dreams for myself and for my team, and I know deep down I will go far with this business because I have belief and passion for what it’s about – helping others on their journey. I hit two star diamond last week and have opened a second Business Center! I also have been invited to Leadership Training in California. I WANT to go. I NEED to go... AND here begins the guilt of leaving my boys. I feel it growing. I feel like I’m putting people out because I need childcare. Will my boys miss me? Will Karl be annoyed by me? I HAVE to be strong. I NEED to do this FOR ME.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!! I set a goal and DID IT and now I know I can do so much more!

I’d tell you that my entire world has changed because of coaching and the time I’ve spent working on myself. I always considered myself a pretty happy, bubbly person and that I didn’t need to work on myself. But I do! I am worth that much! I am worthy of feeling and being healthy and happy and setting HUGE SCARY goals and going after them. I have a tendency of putting my needs last or catering to everyone else, so you can imagine how AWESOME it felt to set a goal of doing two workout programs from start to finish and then completing them with great results!!! I felt like a new woman! I have always struggled with saying “no” to others or worrying what others might think of me, but I’m REALLY starting to see a big change in my confidence and how I carry myself. I have grown more in this year than a lot of years combined. I have read and listened to a LOT of personal development too. I just went through my list earlier today and I have read over 30 books this year alone. Before that, I had read one book in 2 years. One.

Just some of the books I've read this year!

21-day Fix and 21-Day Fix Extreme changed my body!

I’d tell you that I haven’t even started Nathan’s First Year baby book and haven’t touched Jackson’s age 2-3 photo book. I’m so behind in this stuff and at the same time, I’m OK with this because at least I’m getting the photos in somewhat organized folders, so that has to count for something. I figure that I can keep myself busy with this when the boys are in college and I’m struggling with empty nesters syndrome.

And after all that, I’d take a sip of coffee and sink back in my chair and feel the fire on my face and dream of heading to the beachJ

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