TWO LINES!!!!!! Here We Go Again!!!

Day 24 (February 6, 2014)

Well. Well. Well. Two lines this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!!!!!

Ok, one very noticeable line and one faint line – so faint Karl didn’t believe it until I started Googling and showing him that it’s TWO lines and there really aren’t many false positives. I will take another test in a couple days just to confirm. This does NOT feel real.

Two lines! One SUPER faint but there!!!

ANYWAY, I woke up around 3 AGAIN (I seem to like 3 a.m. lately) and had HORRIBLE heartburn. The only time I EVER get heartburn is when I’m PG. This early into things though?? My eyes popped open when I realized this. But somehow I fell back asleep and was wide awake once again at 5 a.m. thanks to little Jackson talking to himself in his room. SO CUTE. The best was when he was sleep-singing E-I-E-I-O. 

Total heart MELT.

A voice kept telling me to take a test. Would it be a waste? I had a 20-minute argument with myself and actually drifted back to sleep for 2 minutes before my alarm went off.  Go figure. And decided to go take a test. Mind you, two nights before Jackson lifted up my shirt when I was reading a book to him and started patting my belly. Then looked up at me and smiled. Did he already know something!??!

Secondly, I felt like I was getting my period. I usually get grease face and I had grease face going on this week. HOWEVER, I get zitty before my period comes and it was like the zits were there but then would dry up and go away. Weird, I know.  My hair feels thicker too. Already??? I have been eating a lot of avocados and have been using Moroccan oil so I thought it was just diet and product. But yesterday, I was DEAD TIRED at work. And then I was like…either my period is coming SOON or else this is it.

Also, when I was a tornado last Friday and purged our house to pieces, I could barely do a THING that next day. That’s not me. I can usually go and go and go. My energy was zapped.

ANOTHER THING, I had to lift a heavy box at work (no bigs for me) and I was TOTALLY OUT OF BREATH by the time I walked up the stairs. This normally does NOT happen.  I also ran to my car and back and was out of breath. I know I haven’t been going to the gym as much but I was really out of breath.

So I peed this morning and the lines took a little while. With Jackson it was BAM, immediate. BUT, I know I’m only day 24. With Jackson I was day 29. Anyway, I saw the faded line. My mouth got REAL dry. Then the stick started shaking. I was like… ”Oh dear. This is happening”.

Sure enough…two lines. One was still VERY faint.

Just like I did when I found out I was PG with Jackson, I shuffled out to the bed and stared at Karl all snuggled up like an ESKIMO (we found out in balmy August with Jackson. We’re currently in the arctic vortex right now….STILL). His eyes opened.

Told Karl at 6:04 a.m. he's going to be a dad again!!!

Karl: “What?”

Me: “Sooooo, I think you’re going to be a dad again.”

Karl: Eyes bulge. Then smiles. “What? Really?”

Me: “The line is VERY faint but there are two lines.”

Karl: “Wellll, then I don’t think so if it’s faint…”

Me: “Those things don’t lie. I see two lines.”

I bring the test out. And turn the light on.

Karl: “I can barely see it!”

Me: “It’s THERE!”

I proceed to Google and find out that it is VERY rare to get a false positive. When you see two lines, faint or not, you are pregnant. I read him everything I can find.

He pats my belly and we hug for a long time and I feel SO MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Then we both look at each other…. “Here we go again!”

Karl puts his hand out to stop me…”Just, just. Don’t get all crazy here.”

He knows me TOO WELL. J My brain is already going. When is the baby due? (OK, already looked that up when we started trying. OCTOBER!!!!!!!!! Jackson will be exactly 2.5 years.) Do we need to move now? What about daycare? Can we afford? Will Karl finish that paper? Must get house ready now!!! My brain is in OVERDRIVE.

But I smile at Karl and his look of concern and shut my brain off and I totally feel like this is NOT real. I make a mental note to pick up a few tests and try again over my lunch break and then maybe tomorrow and the next day.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Go Time - Round II

Back at it

Hello. Hello. So back to trying for Baby #2. I decided to take the “let’s-not-freak-out-this-time-around-and-just-go-with-it” approach. Totally better. Ahhh. Jealous of you people who are wired this way from the get go.

Instead, I decided to put my ‘psycho self’ into house projects like 'Purging 101'. Right now the entire man cave basement is packed with of garbage bags full of stuff we no longer need or use. It’s pretty crazy. All I could think about is shipping it over to Peru to the families I visited over there who have NOTHING but one mattress for 5 kids. Ugh. (They are totally happy though.) And here I am with 10 yellow shirts. Hello. Not anymore. I am down to TWO white shirts. NO yellow. And well, who cares. Honestly, “stuff” does NOT make one happier in the end. I think it suffocates, actually.  

Side note: Think of how much money we could have saved if we didn’t buy this stuff...  

The more Karl and I look at houses, the more I realize I LOVE the houses with zero to NO clutter. And I’m going to get our house there. It’s just tough because we have NO storage. But it’s OK. I’m figuring out a system. Every time, I ask myself…. “Hello, object. Do I want to move you when it comes to moving time? Are you worth it to me? Have I’ve gotten much use out of you?”

Most of the time the answer is “NO”.

I have container basket things shipping to us this week! And Jackson has made homes out of all the Rubbermaids. Super fun. It is VERY challenging trying to keep him busy and in ONE room so I can supervise all the while cleaning and purging. It’s almost impossible. BUT, I’m trying to tell myself “baby steps”. Sooner than later I’ll get to a point where I’ll take a deep breath and know I did the best I could and be very happy with the results. We’re making some people over at Lupus very happy…and the VETS. We’re having TWO trucks come by… We don’t want to scare the neighbors with our hoard.

Oh, and I’m bringing stuff IN. My awesome friend Jenna hooked us UP with baby clothes!!! She has three kids – two girls and one boy. She found a bunch of girls' clothes tucked in the back of her storage only her first born wore because she didn’t realize she had tucked it away. I don’t think we’ll find out what we’re having again, so I’ll just have to hang on to these! Thanks Jenna! What a gem!!!

Look at all these AWESOME baby clothes!!!!!! JENNA RULES!!!

I separated them all out and washed all the neutral clothes and put them together for baby #2 and am setting all the pink stuff aside just in case. Remember… I’m in “chill” mode. Whatever happens….happens!

I’m having a lot of fun looking at houses. I think Karl might be too. It is exhausting and we’d never be able to do as well if Karl’s parents didn’t watch Jackson. We found two more that we LOVE. The first one really stole our hearts. The minute we walked in I thought it felt homey. We just wish there were a few minor upgrades, but maybe we can do those things down the road. Would not need to do immediately. We just need to sit down and think about finances. That’s not always fun, but it’s healthy. I feel like I’m cleaning out my entire body lately just by getting organized. So strange. I feel lighter. Have I mentioned that before?

So that’s where we are at. We’ll see what a week will bring. Maybe our lives will change forever once again. Again, not thinking about it. Not one bit. Did I mention I had a dream we had twins? Ok…enough for now. Shush. 

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Is our Perfect Home Out There?

House Hunting Part I

I know I need to do a monthly recap. This is more of a smorgasbord of thoughts. I plan on doing a recap once I get all the million pics off my cell phone. But just so you know, Jackson doesn't quite run everywhere anymore. He jumps. It’s funny. And he’s obsessed with bunnies. And The Wheels on the Bus videos. And he’s using the potty. I’m not going to write much about that because I’m scared to jinx things and I can’t believe this is happening…

Isn’t this a phase??  Don’t boys take longer?

Enjoying a healthy smoothie

I think Jackson is on his 15^th haircut too. It helps when grandma cuts hair for a living!!!

We started looking at houses. Wow. Exhausting!!! Even more when you’re looking during the arctic blast and blizzard. [Insert frozen face.]  Why not move to Arizona?

We didn’t expect to find a house during our first run through. Problem is the location. It’s quite the distance outside The Cities. It’s like Roscoe back in the 80s (the town in Illinois I grew up in). Very country. Very little to do – no gas stations for miles away. BUT, that’s something Karl and I were hoping for in a weird way.

Isn't she pretty?

Houses are ON TOP of each other otherwise, unless we can fork over half a million or buy a house that was built over 30+ years ago and requires quite a bit of work. We’ve been living in a town home where we share walls with the neighbors and there is ZERO yard. We want SOME land. We want a garden. We want a yard Jackson can play in. We’re over our neighbors looking into our home.

Yet, we realize that our townhome IS REALLY nice. I bought it brand new and I have taken good care of it. I didn't realize how well until we started walking through houses younger than ours and noticing the destruction. And this is probably why we’ve subconsciously hung on to our townhome for so long. That, and we wanted to wait as long as possible to sell so we could get SOMETHING for it.

In the meantime I cleaned out our master bedroom last weekend. NINE garbage bags FULL of stuff. NINE. I have my work cut out for me. It’s PURGE TIME.

Just the start of PURGE FEST

Anyway, we found a house for a GREAT price (bank owned). The view is awesome. But the house would require a little work. Do we have time for repair work?? Can we fork over money for new appliances, carpet and paint from the get go? We can barely find time to keep up with our own place.

The kitchen is huge. There are custom closets. An unfinished walkout basement. A wonderful deck. A slop sink and a laundry area! But I’ve heard the commute (though same miles I drive now) isn’t the best. What to do? What to do?

I now see how this is going to be a little more difficult than I thought. I’m going to have to compromise some wants, aren't I?

I keep thinking something awesome will fall in our lap like it did for my brother and sister-in-law…

Also, my dad went in for his open-heart surgery and I can report he is AWAKE and gave us all thumbs up (via a text message my mom sent)! Can you tell I was trying to keep my mind busy with house stuff? I couldn’t stand the thought of my dad's chest getting ripped open.

Doctors went in and discovered the quarter-sized hole in his heart was even BIGGER than that. They also replaced his mitral valve with a pig valve. My dad looks young for his age, but he’s been breathing heavily and napping multiple times throughout the day. Seemed so odd. He’d walk up three steps and have to stop.

You think a massive hole in your heart might be the reason? BINGO!!! Let’s hope this surgery helps. I pray for a speedy recovery.

This is my reason for living out a healthy lifestyle. I know my family’s heart history. I pay close attention to what goes in my body and the amount of sleep and activity I get every day (sleep varies now that I'm a mom). I know it makes me sound psycho from time to time, but I know what happens when you don’t take care of yourself. Why not start from a young age and establish GOOD habits to carry on forever? Then it doesn’t seem so daunting and overwhelming.

I'm also going to try to blog about my weekly meal plans. Basically I rip out healthy recipes, write out a grocery list, search for coupons and hit up the store ONCE a week. We're good for the week. It's such a HUGE relief knowing what I'm going to make when I get home from work and all ingredients will be there. 

What I need to work on is stress. But I think that rings true with most people! This is why I’m trying to figure out a workout schedule. I feel SO GREAT after working out. But fitting it in is so tough!!! I did get one work out in last week. This cold weather is totally killer. Can’t even step outside for more than 5 minutes without my nose hair icing up on me.

Stay warm out there!

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How to Get a House Ready for the Market

But We Have Too Much Stuff!

I’m in TOTAL organization mode right now. It’s so hard when you have the organization bug and you’re at work more than you are home. Or when you are home, you have a toddler to chase around. BUT, I’m getting things done, closest by closet and room by room.

This all started when our realtor came over to check out our town home a few weeks ago. We’ve been thinking about selling and buying a house with a yard and a basement for Jackson to run wild in! YAY! But after she left, I was so overwhelmed, I froze. I didn’t even know where to start. I even told myself maybe living in a town home forever wouldn’t be a bad thing. 

Bottom line: we have an incredible amount of stuff.

I think both Karl and I get emotionally attached to “things”, which makes it harder to toss or donate. I’m getting better about it though. “It’s just STUFF,” I tell myself. “You can’t take it with you.” 

Right?

I’ve been reading a really great book, “It’s All Too Much.” The author suggests walking into each room and visualizing the purpose of that room, and then going from there.

It’s WORKING.

What happened was I bought my town home when I was 23. It was VERY empty then, but by 30 I had met Karl, we had multiple wedding showers, we were married, then sold his townhome and acquired all his stuff AND then had our son with multiple baby showers. We have a LOT of STUFF.

The plan is to sell. We just haven’t decided when. However, in the meantime, I’m downsizing room by room to get a head start. I can’t tell you how much BETTER I feel when I purge and I walk into a room that is clearly organized. I can breathe easier.  Ahhhhh. I don’t feel so overwhelmed by our stuff.

The big problem with our town home is there is ZERO storage, other than closets and our garage. Karl built me some awesome shelves in the garage when we were dating that helped a ton but they are filled to the top. I walk by and notice there are things on the shelves that we NEVER use so I think more storage space can be made.

The second issue is we plan on expanding our family (this part is exciting but it creates a predicament). We can’t get rid of any baby stuff unless we want to buy all new stuff and that just seems crazy. Baby stuff takes up a ton of space. It’s trying to find storage for this stuff but still allow our home to be sellable.

The biggest problem: do we really want to rent a storage shed for several months? To me, if you have to use a storage facility, then you have way too much stuff. If we’re storing it, then why do we need it? Get where I’m going here? 

The book I’m reading was saying how The Container Store is growing by 30% every single year and the storage business is a billion dollar business. I believe it. Americans have way too much stuff and WE are TOTALLY part of the problem!!

Below are a few images I would LOVE to follow to help me along: 

Love this boot idea since mine are all over the floor

We have all our stuff jammed everywhere. This is an excellent idea!

We need some sort of shoe rack in our garage or somewhere! Our shoe rack now is in front of the closet that houses our furnace and water softener. What a mess when we have to get in there. This would work slick!

Every time I cook I get stressed because our spice cabinet is a MESS. This would TOTALLY HELP!

Any advice on the best way to tackle getting a house ready for the market without overwhelming myself too much? 

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Finding ME Time and Finding My Happy

Why does the word "Me" sound so selfish?

I wanted to write a post about “me” time. Because if you’re anything like me, you probably don’t get enough of it. And I’m here to remind tell you, “YOU DESERVE IT and YOU NEED IT.”

Being a mom requires a lot of you, not to mention being a loving wife, a good friend, a great sister and daughter too. I don’t care if you’re stay-at-home or if you’re a working mom—it’s nuts and busy and crazy either way you look at it.

It took me 21 months to figure this out but in order to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc., I have to carve in time for me. And only me. It’s who I am and how I tick. I think I took a test once and as extroverted as I might seem, I’m actually an introvert. I recharge by spending time alone.

Shocking, huh? Seems so simple.

It’s not though.

This Christmas I participated in an online Elf4Health Challenge. Every day I was forced to do something healthy for myself and use the social media world to chat about it. I LOVED it. LOVED. I looked forward to every challenge and I found time no matter where or when to do every activity (OK, so I didn't go to work make-up free, but still…).

I AM POWERFUL! (really, I'm doing wall sits here...2 minutes 22 seconds)

GIRL TIME! MUCH NEEDED!

My world. 

I knew if I could do this challenge for four weeks, I could do something like this every single day. We weren’t talking hours upon hours here. There was no more room for excuses. There was no denying that I was happier than I had been in a long time those four weeks and I knew the exact reason why.

I was doing something for “me” and was becoming healthier emotionally and physically because of it.

But the word “me” sounds so selfish, doesn’t it?

Let me explain in a way I know how. So I get asked quite often to play volleyball or to go to happy hours or to volunteer or to set up activities to bring people together—basically all the things I used to do before my son came along. I love doing these things, don’t get me wrong. But my life has changed.  My priorities have changed.

I have changed.

My epiphany?

I was doing all those things for other people. To make THEM HAPPY. As much as I love and live and breathe volleyball, I realized I was playing on volleyball teams that had a hard time figuring out how to even play simple defense. If anyone knows me, I played in college. I’m extremely competitive (so much so that my hubby refuses to play with me). I’d leave super frustrated and unfulfilled. I also knew what I needed was a friend to listen to me and understand exactly what I was going through, but instead I was listening to friends who were judging me and didn't have a clue what was going on. Or I’d volunteer but then go home feeling exhausted and crabby because I’d look around and my own house was a disaster. I’d set up activities so people could gather and grow but I left feeling anxious and alone and hungry for more. My schedule was so packed and loaded with so many great things, and yet I wasn’t satisfied. How does this make sense?

I knew if I cancelled any of these things, I would let someone down and I’d feel like an awful person. So I kept filling my day up and stressing myself out. It was a vicious cycle I could not get out of.

That was until I had my son. Everything sort of stopped for a while. I think the word "overwhelmed" takes on a whole new meaning. I wanted to simply be a mom. Really, I needed to figure it all out. I think “disappearing” freaked out a lot of people, but I honestly just needed to focus on how to be the best “me” for my son.

I thought if I threw myself into being the best mom, I would become the best.

Not so. I learned I definitely need breaks, lots of them. So I started saying “no” more often to others and "yes" to myself. I became very choosy with my time.

Does this make me sounds incredibly selfish?

But how could “me” being happy be a selfish thing?

I think one of the hardest things for me to accept and adjust to after becoming a mom was not seeing Karl (hubby) as much and getting the bulk of parenting work due to his crazy work schedule and schooling. We always did everything together. We made such a great team. And I missed him like CRAZY. Sure, I’d see him when he’d get home from work but I was trying to feed our son or clean things up or get everything ready for the next day while my son was wailing or screaming or repeating, “mama” over and over.

It gets challenging to take the time to ask “How was your day? How are you?” when there are a million distractions. Especially when my brain literally can’t form sentences anymore by the end of the day.

We eventually (14 months AFTER our son was born) started a routine of putting our son down for bed and then watching TV shows on the couch. We hit the sweet spot once that started happening. It was WONDERFUL to spend that quiet time together again, to snuggle on the couch.

I looked FORWARD to that every night.

But more times than not I was still anxious and worn out and full of emotions by the end of night. I'm telling you, parenting is HARD WORK. I told Karl that I needed to take one week night to go to the gym and one weekend day too – just for myself. And NOT feel guilty about it. That took guts to decide. But saying it out loud empowered me. I was going to do something for "me" and only "me". I had a date with myself!

Even if it was 8:00 p.m. and the last thing I wanted to do, I DID IT. I know how great I’ll feel and that wins every time. Let me tell you, I come back feeling AMAZING. I’m recharged and full of ideas and drive and energy and love, and everything inside me feels HAPPY.

My family benefits from this Big Time. I benefit. 

I make the simple choice to spend a little time with myself—no guilt allowed—and if pays off in a HUGE way.

So if you’re feeling anything like I was: unfulfilled at times, stressed to the max, exhausted, disorganized or looking for more, perhaps you need to spend some time with yourself. Remember who you are, what you’re capable of, what is it you want – what is it that makes YOU happiest?  Maybe it’s a trip to the mall or an hour-long massage or going to a movie by yourself, or like me, working out (and then steaming and sitting in the hot tub!!). Find it, find YOU and make the time. You are deserving to be the happiest you've ever been.

You will come out feeling amazing – something you owe yourself. Because YOU ARE AMAZING.

What do you do for YOU? 

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Negative - Day 26 (Month 1 of Trying)

Until Next Month... 

Well, the first month of trying was a no-go. It’s OK. I think I was so psycho about it because I deep down knew I wasn’t, but wanted myself to believe I was. Make sense?

Deep down I knew when I took that test on Saturday and it came back negative that I wasn’t going to be by the end of the week. 

Sometimes I feel like this at home!

Also, I realized how anxiety can consume a person (ehem…ME) and how it totally affects the whole process. Throwing that out the window month two. It truly made me ill and NUTS!

I decided that I have another month of feeling like me, so I’m going to focus on getting our house ready.

I would love answers. Will we be putting our town home up for sale? Will we be renting? Will we be staying until baby #2 arrives? I can’t answer any of these questions right now and it drives me nuts. But instead of being frozen and doing nothing and putting the house off again, I’m going to purge and downsize.

There are things in our house we NEVER use. There are things in our house that have been there since I bought the place in 2002 and just don’t seem to reflect who we are at all. There are also dust collectors everywhere.

I can’t imagine renting a storage unit. To me if we have to store stuff, do we really NEED IT then? We also don’t have the $100 it costs every month to rent a unit. 

Regardless of what we decide, I feel a million times better when there is less clutter and each room has a purpose. I feel in control of my emotions. I feel happy. I feel free.

Right now, I’m not sure why we have 50 candles throughout the house (totally bugging me), or dying plants taking up space, tons of books I'll never read again clogging our bookshelves and a million photos hanging on our walls and framed pictures from my college days. I’m tired of the excuses I have for all of these things! 

Usually I look at something taking up space and I worry I’ll hurt that person’s feelings if I throw it away since they gave it to us. Or I feel like I’m tossing away money. OR I know I have to keep all Jackson’s toys because we will have number two. That doesn’t mean I can’t pack away and store in a closet that is now stuffed with things we NEVER EVER USE.

NO MORE EXCUSES.

A few other reasons I’m OK with the negative results:

• I also get to strength train extra hard this month and use the steam room and hot tub! Yay!
• I also get to drink a beer whenever I want. Yay!
• I also better get my sushi fix in too….

What did you feel and do when the test came up negative? 

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Going Crazy - Day 26 (Month 1 of Trying)

I’m realizing that I’m kind of crazy. 

Does anyone else think this much?? Again, the reason why I write. I need to get it all out. And who wants to listen to me talk all the time about this stuff?

This is what I have for ya. Saturday I had an appointment to get a hitch on our new car. I’m excited because this means we’ll be taking our bikes somewhere COOL to ride other than the bike path down the way. Maybe even CAMP this summer!!!!! YIPPEEE. It’s a must. I think Jackson will love since he’s such a nature boy.

Anyway, as I’m waiting for my car (which was really nice – I actually made it through an entire magazine!) I started to feel gross again. Nauseous, light headed, dizzy. And then I became really hot. OK…my yellow winter coat was still on, but the last 10 days I’ve been freezing (yes, we were in a historic arctic blast. I get that.).  On the way home I decided to buy a home pregnancy test. Only after I paid $21.99 for THREE, I found out that the dollar store sells these and they are JUST as good. Oh…

I took the test at home. I was on day 24. Maybe too early? Not from what the box tells me though.

Results: NEGATIVE.

Looks like you'll have to wait another month.

Grrr. I remember with Jackson I peed and that stick changed the second it hit but I also took the test on day 29 or 30. Still, this tells me that I’m not, and all the things I’ve been feeling are in fact anxiety, which is CRAZY to me. Did you catch all that? In short, my brain is POWERFUL. Still, I can’t believe this though or accept it. Great.

I Google and it sounds like tons of women get the two lines (positive) even at three weeks. I can’t be then. Can I? I think back to my friend who a year ago emailed me on day 24 and took a test, negative.  But she swore she was. She had the symptoms. She took again on day 25—sometimes even taking the test twice—negative.  It wasn’t until day 28 when the two lines showed up. Is this normal!?!?! I can’t picture this happening to me. I feel like my body should know and it should show up already. However, I’m NOT taking another test until day 28 or 29. It’s like throwing $7 down the toilet if I take another! We’re on a tight budget here!

Seriously, I need to let this go.

So I still worked out. I ran my fastest mile yet (8:57). AND I burned close to 300 calories in 25 minutes doing stair stepper at level 12 and felt AMAZING afterwards. Sure, I was gasping for air more than normal, but I still did it. Granted, I’m in pretty good shape, but I can’t picture me doing these things if I was PG. I didn’t feel like passing out either.  So there’s that.

AND I got a killer headache yesterday. A clear sign my monthly visitor is coming. Right? OR it could be the fact that I can’t seem to drink coffee like I used to. Why? Karl told me it’s because the coffee has tasted gross. Oh. His simple explanations! He might be on to something since he brewed a different brand today and I drank a bunch. Now I’m on a caffeine high. Oops. Did I mention a cup of coffee to me is MAYBE 10 sips max? This drives Karl nuts. How can one be this hyper in the morning and not consume a lot of caffeine?  

OK. Back to the symptoms. There has been cramping.  I’m craving chocolate like crazy. BUT usually I’ll get a few Cyclops on my skin the week of my monthly visitor. Skin check: pretty clear… BUT we’ve been eating a lot of fish. I swear, the more often I eat fish, the better my skin looks. Again, could be in my messed up head.

I had these symptoms when I was PG with Jackson. I took Advil and Midol back then thinking my monthly visitor was coming because of the cramping. I wanted to stop the cramps before they became unbearable. I remember being VERY VERY VERY tired with him the week of finding out too, but I also played 8+ hours of volleyball in the HOT AUGUST SUN. I remember feeling like a truck hit me the next day. NOT feeling that this time… Or else it could be because I’m just used to that “tired” feeling chasing a toddler around???

The only odd thing is I’m sleeping AMAZING at night. And I’m having crazy weird dreams. Like Karl was trying to murder me by making these weird loud snoring noises. When I woke up, I realized he was snoring louder than he has ever snored. So weird how that all happens.

So yeah…now that I thought all this through, I pretty much thought my period was coming when I was pregnant with Jackson, so it’ll always be tough to know until I take a test, which I did. Hellloooo.

So basically I told myself I need to LET GO. God has a plan for us. He’ll know when the timing is right. We’re doing the work, but God knows best.  Right? It’s the only way!

I’m such a control freak though. Wow.

When did you find out you were PG? What day? 

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