Nursing for an Entire Year!!!

I DID IT. I DID IT.

There are only a handful of moments in my life where I get an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. You know what I'm talking about. The proud moments in your life. The times you feel like you are on top of the world. You faced something hard head on and SUCCEEDED.

Bye-bye pumping station. Until next time...

For me, these have been...

1. Earning the title of MVP on my high school volleyball team
2. Earning an athletic scholarship
3. Letting parts of my past go as much as I wanted to hang on to them (learning forgiveness)
4. Becoming Chancellor Scholar Athlete of the Year my final year in college
5. Earning a 3.8 GPA a couple semesters in a row during college and graduating in four years (while balancing 18 credits, playing volleyball and holding a part-time job)
6. Moving to Minnesota on a whim knowing only my brother
7. Starting over from heart break, empty and lost and building incredible amazing new relationships with strangers who are now some of my bestest friends
8. Allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of hundreds of people
9. Marrying my husband
10. Traveling and exploring parts of the world
11. Writing an entire 300+ page novel
12. Giving birth to my son Jackson
13. ....and now this...

I talked about this awesome feeling in an earlier post. The day when you wake up and you feel it... MAGIC. You do something for YOU - something HARD and GRUELING and CHALLENGING, but you keep getting up and keep on truckin' because you know when you finish, you'll feel so damn proud of yourself, it's ridiculous.

The moment when you realize how strong you really are. 

I don't need anyone else slapping me on the back or handing me an award. It's a feeling that I've only created and I'm treasuring it.

I successfully nursed for an entire year. Why is this such a big deal for me? Maybe because nursing was SO hard for me. SO SO SO hard. Painful. A HUGE time commitment. But I knew if I kept at it, I could and would do it. And I did.

I remember at 6 weeks, I thought a year seemed so incredibly far away. I was cracked and bleeding and so sore. Every latch made me feel like one of Dexter's victims - like he was sticking his razor blade to my skin drawing blood for one of his slides. I wasn't sure I could hang on. But I did. People told me to give up, but I wanted this. I needed this. Maybe a control thing? Maybe because I'm crazy? I don't know. 

Three pumps a day at work, 5 days a week, 25 minutes a time...in a smelly, gross bathroom. Yes, I know...law says I shouldn't have to pump in a bathroom. Sadly, it was my only option. At 8 months I dropped a pump. I was pumping twice a day at work. 11 months I went to once a day. This week Jackson turned one, and I'm doing one pump for 5-10 minutes each day. Next week I drop all pumps.

At least Jackson likes my pump parts...

So tell me this. Why am I sad??? I hate lugging that big ol' pump bag around and cleaning my parts and bottles out every night. Drives me crazy. And now I'm sad!?!?!? What gives?

This is when I know the moment is pure. Real. One that means something. And I grow. I'm a force to be reckoned with.

I DID IT.

Tweet

Read More

Jackson’s First Birthday Party with 70 of His Closest Friends

Big or Small Party? Which way to go?

Happy Birthday Jackson James

I’m officially a mom of a one year old!!!! There are so many emotions going through my head and heart today. First and foremost I wanted to recap Jackson’s first birthday party.

Jackson's 1 year Birthday Invite

 

Karl and I went back and forth on the size of the party. We first settled on small because we didn’t have a whole lot of time to devote to planning, and well…space was a huge issue too. We still live in a town home and there was no way we could invite everyone we wanted to. Weather is always sketchy in Minnesota in the spring (hello snow). We knew our families wanted to be included, but that meant inviting EVERYONE on all both sides. Right there, we were already at 60+ some family members.  There was no way our house could hold that many people – not even our garage.

We told Karl’s parents the dilemma and they offered up their home. Did they know what they were in for??? Karl’s sister offered helping, which was HUGE for me. HUGE. We ran with it. We kept the list down as much as we could.

The day of the party 70 family and friends showed up to Karl’s parent’s house. Holy PARTY. Can you feel my stress level? But this wasn't about me...

Birthday boy!!

 

This is when my mantra became: Go big, or go home. They only turn one once. Right??? Are you laughing at me yet?

In attendance? The oldest guest: 86 years old. The youngest: 10 days old. The variety of people was insane, but we loved every single one of them. And we KNOW they love the three of us. A pretty overwhelming feeling if you ask me.

We could not have done ANY of this without the help of Karl’s sister. She is crazy AMAZING at planning, organizing and setting up parties. She rocked the show. When I think about all she did for us, I get choked up. Party planning does not come easy for most of us. But I know she did this because she loves Jackson [that much]. I’m not an aunt so I don’t know how that feels just yet, but Kelly has taught me a lot about love. She has a LOT of it and shows it better than anyone I know.

Kelly's stellar party planning skills

Jackson, Kelly and Ben

My older brother supplied all the burgers thanks to his sweet discount from Cargill! I mean, these were the burgers they send to places like Buffalo Wild Wings and Applebees. YUMMY!

My friend Kimbra worked feverishly on making the YUMMIEST carrot cake of all times. Not just one, but a smash cake for Jackson that looked like a puppy bowl (since he LOVES puppies) and a sheet cake and 100 mini cupcakes!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I haven’t had a cake that good…well, since…ever.

Front of the smash cake

Back of smash cake

Adorable puppy sheet cake!

 

My grandma supplied some entertainment. A Polish tradition is to set four objects in front of Jackson and whatever he reached for would be his destiny…. A shot glass, a rosary, a golf ball and coins. Jackson selected the golf ball right away and then the whiskey glass. Hmmmm. The next Adam Scott (2013 Masters winner)?

My grandma supplying some entertainment through a Polish Tradition

 

And the gifts!! WHOA!!! Jackson is SET!!! And now he has some really awesome toys to keep at grandma and grandpa’s when they watch him! Jackson was spoiled though. My brothers and sis in law found a really cool bike I've never seen before!! Jackson is so lucky to have such neat uncles and aunts on BOTH sides!

Jackson's cool bike!

 

Yes, the house was PACKED and there were around 10-15 little adorable energetic people running around and it felt like I was back in college at an awesome keg party trying to slide my way through a ton of people (minus the kids). But these were all people we love and who love Jackson. I looked around. I soaked it in and saw how happy Jackson was and how many people adore him. It was pretty cool and insane all rolled into one. Jackson had no problem going to other people and loving them up. I LOVED THIS!!! He impresses me EVERY SINGLE DAY so much.

The little people

 

We stripped Jackson down, stuck him in Grandma Judy’s highchair from when she was a little girl, and everyone sung Happy Birthday to Jackson and he rocked back and forth before his cake came. He was so sweet. He IS sweet. He quite didn’t know what to do with the cake and gagged on it a little. Then cried. We tried. But that’s OK. He made our hearts smile.

Our little man getting ready to dive in

 

What is this? Sugar?

Wait, they are all singing for me!!

I'm not sure my mom will be OK with me eating sugar... Guys, I'm serious here...

Maybe just a little taste...

Don't make me!

It is pretty....

Nope. Not my thing, mom.

 

I created a photobook last week of a bunch of pictures I took over the year, but it didn’t arrive in time, so I also whipped together a video slideshow of Jackson in a matter of a day. I have no idea how I did this or when. I really don’t. But it has brought me to tears every time I’ve watched it.

A whole year whizzed by in the 12 minute video – and that’s exactly how time feels right now. Time and life is cruising by so fast. So much has changed in such a little of time, but for the first time I feel like I’m exactly where I need to be and I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. I am happy. Busy. Challenged. Tired. Amazed. Every single moment of the day. Pushed beyond my limits. But I come out stronger every time. The craziest part of it all is I am happy. Happy. So very happy. And I feel incredibly blessed.

Tweet

Read More

First Easter and Haircut - 11.5 Months Old

Are you out there spring?

I have always LOVED Easter. This year, a titch on the cold side. Is spring EVER coming?? Longest winter ever.

Happy Easter, Jackson!

Anyway, this was Jackon's first Easter. I went to Kohl's because I had a 30% off coupon, thinking I'd pick Jackson up a cute outfit for church. I held up an adorable $40 suit, but could not justify buying it. It wasn't even on sale. Sure I had my coupon but I like to use it on sale items. I figured he'd be wearing a polo or I'd have to get creative with what was in his closet. $40 for an outfit he won't wear more than once... No.

That was until I went and got my oil changed on Saturday morning. It was cold and rainy but I still ran outside from the dealership to the mall to run a few errands. Yes, I was the crazy lady running with a purse slung over her back and lotion still on her face (didn't realize until I got home. Awesome.) I learned two things: 1. The mall doesn't open until 10:00. It was only 9:00. 2. There are a lot of families that get really dressed up to see the Easter bunny. The line was wrapped. I quickly asked myself... Am I supposed to be waiting in line with Jackson right now? I thought back to my childhood. I turned out OK and I saw the Easter bunny only once in my lifetime (thus far). Be nice to yourself, Christie.

Teething. Got his eighth tooth a couple days before Easter

I hear these eggs have money in them...

Sears was the only store opened. And guess what? Their Easter outfits were on MEGA SALE!!! So I picked up Jackson an adorable outfit for under $15!! SCORE! And he's going to wear it again for our church directory pics this Saturday.

We went to church and it was a wonderful service. I love our church. LOVE. I know I haven't been there as much as I'd like this year, but every time I walk in, I feel like I'm at home. From the music to the people, I just LOVE IT. Jackson was on the go, so I did have to step out a few times, but it was just nice to be there. I can't tell you what the message was, but I was just happy we FINALLY made it. Karl's parents came and same with my brother.

Team Orange at church

After church, we headed to the Koester's house. It was a wonderful Easter with great company and delicious food. Grandma Judy has been cutting hair most of her life and we decided to have her trim Jackson's hair. He was pretty tired (i.e. fussy) so she only was able to trim one side. The rest she got on Tuesday. Jackson looks like a little boy now to me!

Getting my first haircut

We all anxiously await warmer weather. I'm so excited to take Jackson to all the parks around our house and go biking with him, and all sorts of fun stuff. After work on Thursday, it was 52 degrees out so we hit up the "pink" park by our place and Jackson LOVED the swings. He could be outside all day long and not have a problem with it.

Look, ladies! No more mullet.

Here's to hoping warmer weather comes soon!

Big boy on the swings sporting my new hair-did

This is way too cool

BEST DAY EVER!

Tweet

Read More

Jackson's Monthly Milestones - 11.5 Months



Action Jackson Update

A lot has been going on with Jackson during month 11. Wowweee. I feel like he's growing leaps and bounds before our eyes.

Here's the latest in no particular order:

Jackson is a boy. Boys are on the move and are fearless CONSTANTLY. Jackson has already sliced the skin off his nose and gave himself a big fat lip. He is constantly hitting his head on something. It is one thing after another.

First fat lip... OUCH!

There's a way I can get that string down, right?

I'm on top of the world!

Tuckerd out!

And there will be more because....

Jackson is WALKING!!!

He took a few steps last week but yesterday at daycare he got up and went. I brought him home and sure enough, he walked around the entire TV room. I couldn't even believe it. He throws his hands up and goes. It is amazing. He smiles the entire time. I am so crazy proud of him. So yeah, things are about to hit a whole new level of crazy.

Loves opening and closing our windows

Mmmm. Fresh air.

Jackson is back to liking bananas! I know this because I set them on the floor and he bit through the skin. I peeled the banana and he went to town. He loves them.

He seems to call everything "da-da" but will try and say "puppy" the best he can. HE LOVES PUPPIES. LOVES. And monkeys. And cars.

BUT Jackson has a love affair with the Swiffer. The minute the pantry is open, he is there trying to pull the Swiffer down.

J loves the Swiffer and will help clean floors

I love you Swiffer!

I'm weaning... I'm down to one pump a day while at work as of this week. Next week I might keep the one pump but instead of 15 minutes, do 5 and then stop that pump all together the following week. This will bring us to a full year of nursing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! I DID IT. I DID IT. I knew I could. I KNEW it but I knew it would take a LOT of work, determination and selflessness on my part. And some resentment in there. If only men could nurse...

Someone else likes my pump parts...

Grandma Judy puts me in old-man sweaters...

We now have eight teeth. Eight. All have met my nipple. Ouch.

It seems we're losing Jackson's morning nap. I noticed daycare would put him down in the afternoon only and he'd give them a solid 2-3 hour nap. I tried putting him down this morning. He laid down but then was up. So now I think I know why they are doing what they are doing. He's just not going down. Buh-bye morning nap.

Opens ALL our cabinets now. We stuck his new bike helmet in this one. Tricky!

He slept the whole night through once this week!!! YESSSS. 11 nights of ROUGH sleep and FINALLY...ONE AWESOME night. I hope it continues...

Jackson loves this talking stuffed animal my mom got me for V-day several years ago. Leo talks to Jackson and J will just smile and laugh.

Jackson's friend Leonardo. They talk to each other.

Jackson loves when Leo wags his tail

If I lay down on the floor, Jackson will find a way to come crawl to me and roll all over me. It's way too cute.

I love mommy!

Rolling around

Jackson has been great about keeping himself busy. To the point where he doesn't need me hovering over him as much. This I love. We had a blast together this whole week.

Don't worry about me mom back here. I'm not being naughty...

He ate a TON for dinner last night. Chicken, ham, mashed potatoes, butternut squash, applesauce, yogurt, cottage cheese, more mashed potatoes, cheerios, those dried fruit things. He just kept going. Clean tray club. Growing boy!!

Tweet

Read More

Jackson's First Step - 11.5 Months

HE DID IT!!! First Step!
(Wednesday, March 27, 2013)

As I was cutting up veggies for our dinner, I let Jackson play with his beloved Swiffer on the kitchen floor. After crawling back and forth between the top of the broom to the bottom for several minutes, he became bored with that and moved to the pantry, where he loves opening and closing the door...over and over again.

Not the best picture but Jackson standing on his own a couple weeks before!

I was busy cutting red and yellow bell peppers as fast as I could without chopping off my fingers. I guess I was too focused. I realized things were quiet. Too quiet. Which usually means Jackson is either eating dirt or ripping out plants or doing something naughty. I looked over at him and he was standing, smiling at me. JUST STANDING THERE.

He's done this before, but this was for longer than 10 seconds. Then he took a step forward and started to get wobbly and leaned forward toward the pantry door. The door was still too far, so he took another step and fell to the door. He caught himself and played with bag hanging from the door.

I couldn't even believe it. I cheered. Jackson clapped!!

I caught him WALKING to DAD tonight (March 28). Here is the video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6tvGqvauiU

And then bedtime came. Oh...the dreaded bedtime. For the 8th night in a row we had another rough night. Could it be this major walking milestone affecting his sleep? Maybe. But he sure pooped a lot. Poor thing. I knew this was coming since I wrote in a previous blog how we haven't had to deal with a whole lot of blowouts. I hit publish, and sure enough, he soiled TWO outfits at daycare because of blowouts and went through a few diapers every couple of hours last night. See what happens?

So what could these sleepless nights be coming from?

• Teeth? Maybe... But he has the top four and bottom three. I don't see anymore coming in but he sure is drooling a LOT and chewing on the wood in his crib and on the chair wood base boards...
• Maybe even molars? Could be... He stopped nursing on and off for a week. Wouldn't have ANYTHING to do with it or me. Nothing. I was left VERY engorged and pumping. Yuck.
• OK...then what? Ears?? He's not pulling on them. They do not smell. Wax looks normal.
• A little bug? Maybe... He was also given corn at daycare. A food he has NOT tried. I think that wreaked havoc on his tummy. He had a TON of gas and a swollen belly last night.
• Learning to walk... Sure. That is a biggie and maybe he just doesn't want to be sleeping??
• Change in his routine with the new daycare? Probably... I guess he freaks when people go in and out of the room.
• Separation anxiety? Possibly... I read babies go through this starting around 9 months, lasting up to 24 months old. He will sometimes freak when people try to take him from me, though he warms up to them. He has no problems around my brother Mike. And he's warming up to Karl more. The art of distraction, I say!

Seriously...who knows!

There are SO many factors. All I know is mom and dad need some sleep!

We are so proud of our little man though!!! Go Jackson, go! WALKING MAN! Watch out!!!

Daycare called and I had to pick Jackson up today. Every couple hours he was blowing up...(out). We ended up going to the doctor. Just a virus and a red throat (probably why he wasn't nursing). So I boiled apples and made applesauce and blended up some white rice and boiled it for 10 minutes. I mixed it all together with some Yo-Baby yogurt and banana baby food and that seemed to do the trick!! So we'll see...

PRAYING for GOOD SLEEP tonight!! Off to bed I go.

Tweet

Read More

Transitioning to a Daycare Center - Jackson 11 Months

Daycare center two days a week

So we did it. We put Jackson in a center two days a week. This has been HARD on me. HARD. HARD. HARD. Am I freaking out about the germs? Yes. Am I worried Jackson isn’t getting the one-on-one time he gets with me or Karl’s parents or our previous in-home daycare? Yes. Am I worried he’s crying all day long? Yes. Am I worried he thinks I’ve left him at a strange place? Yes. Am I worried he could possibly disown me? Yes. Am I worried he’s eating unhealthy food? Yes.

 

Picture sent to me from Jackson's new daycare. Looks like he's having fun!

 

Like I said this is HARD!!!

But there are reasons we did this. First, we are both working parents. With Jackson at in-home daycare - when those sweet kids caught a bug - I’d have to stay home. Anyone knows this winter has been BRUTAL with illness. And it was ME who was staying home and burning through all my time off. We need my job. And every time I stayed home, I’d get more and more behind and more and more anxious. What was work thinking? Would I lose my job?

It’s been tough. Plus our in-home care was ready for a new chapter in her life. Of course we wanted to honor this. So it was time for us to move on as hard as it was on ALL of us. But we adopted them all as our family. For real. We love them that much. Like...LOVE THEM. This isn’t goodbye!!! Helloooo play dates!

Secondly, Jackson is 11 months old. He is getting older before our eyes and is going to keep growing. I want him to be around kids. I need him to be. I need him to learn to be in a center kind of setting. I need him to get into a different routine, see a different environment – to learn new things. Before I know it, he’s going to be heading to preschool. He’ll be ready for it. And it’ll be easier on me too.

I am leaning on God like crazy right now. My non-existent fingernails are down to my knuckles but I am praying constantly. The second I doubt anything, I’m talking to God. I need him more than ever right now. I feel guilty we haven’t been to church, but I feel like God is carrying me right now. He isn’t far. I don’t feel so alone when I’m conversing with him. This also tells me I need to make sure Jackson has the best relationship he can with God because I need him to lean on him too when he goes through the hard stuff. Nothing is impossible with God. WE NEED HIM.

Really, mom...I'm OK.

 

So I have been telling myself germs are OK. Jackson is building up his immune system. Remember…somehow Jackson avoided getting my stomach bug or the pneumonia Grandpa Jim had or the influenza my mom had and all of us were drooling all over him. Something must be working…

He IS getting one-on-one time from me and Karl’s parents. And that is AWESOME. He is learning patience at the center. Which is something we all need more of.

Would I be doing this sweet move if I was mad? Nope!

 

I have been told to give this new change a few weeks. Yes, he will cry, but the end results will be positive. Sometimes we have to go through really HARD STUFF to get to the GOOD STUFF. And like Jillian Michaels said on The Biggest Loser – we wake up every day and we go about our day and we bust our butts and keep going because one morning we wake up and WE FEEL IT. MAGIC.And that moment is AMAZING and the BEST DAY OF OUR LIFE. We get a TASTE. It’s not forever but that feeling is ridiculous and awesome. We’ve all been there. We know what it feels like to be on top of the world. So we keep going and we keep waking up fighting so we get to that most perfect day again…and AGAIN. I’m waiting for it all to click for Jackson and for him to be OK with being dropped off at the center. I’m ready for MAGIC!

I’m trying to be better about the food at the center. I can’t control everything he puts in his mouth. I could if I was stay-at-home, but I’m not. So I have to accept the fact that he might eat white breads and canned fruits and veggies. BUT…I am on a mission to change this. It’s time to educate centers and schools. We are facing some serious problems out there but at the same time, we’re to blame…

For now, I’m here… praying, praying, praying.

Tweet

Read More

Traveling with a 10.5 Month Old

Flying to Carefree, Arizona

We flew with Jackson to Arizona for the second time. The first time he was 4 months old. This time he was 10.5 months old.

Our family of three in Arizona

 

I can’t tell you how nice it is having a brother who travels all the time, who is willing to share his frequent flying perks with us (i.e. Diamond status). We again were able to use the Delta club so Jackson kept busy as we waited to board and we enjoyed free snacks and drinks and comfortable chairs. We were also able to take up an entire row on the airplane and bring Jackson's car seat with us. *cartwheel*

A world of difference. Jackson nursed and he was out the entire flight. Yep, it was really that easy.

I started to feel funny, but I waved it off as nothing…

We started to descend and I nursed him again. And then Jackson was up, which was good because he was able to greet Grandpa Gary and Uncle Smike at the gate.

Loved being outside all day and checking out everything

 

I still felt icky when we arrived at my parent’s place but thought maybe it was the nerves wearing off. Again, I got myself so worked up before we left – I was so scared we’d have a screaming baby.

When I woke that morning, I had the full on flu. Chills, fever, aching skin, you name it. GROSS. The sun was out, but I knew the next days were going to be cold and raining…maybe even snow!!! I tried so hard to get out of bed, but my body kept forcing me back to sleep. The next two days were like this. Then my mom went down. Then my grandma. Then my uncle. Then my dad. Then my brother. Somehow Jackson and Karl missed the evil bug. The next two days were COLD and rainy. It was the same temperature in Arizona as it was in Minnesota. Go figure.

It finally got nice enough to go for walks!!! SO NICE!

 

Jackson was actually napping OK this time around. I would have to force longer naps on him every now and again by staying in the room because I knew he was tired. He’d get up once or twice during the night and changing his diaper was a bear. My parents couldn’t believe it took three people to change him. He’s OK at home, but anywhere else… Dear God. What a challenge.

Dad dressed me:)

 

This was also our first time giving Jackson baby food from packets and glass jars. And let me tell you…his poop was so much different. WHOA. We haven’t experienced a blowout yet, and we got close with the different textures coming out of him… He also didn’t eat a whole lot in Arizona because so much was going on at all times.

Jackson LOVES LOVES puppies. He even says..."Pup, Pup"

 

Karl and I were able to go on walks!!! Even in the frozen tundra of a desert. That was my ONE expectation for us. I wanted to be able to go on a few walks. That’s about as simple as I need to make my expectations when traveling. AND…Karl and I were also able to go out for a lunch. Sure my brother came, but it was the fact that we were getting out of the house. My stomach still wasn’t right, but I was glad we made it out.

Jackson loves his Uncle Smike.

Had a blast with Grandma!!

 

The flight back was a bit challenging. We were told they were full and we couldn’t move the guy sitting between us. However, @DeltaAssit (thank GOD for Twitter) got things moving and at the VERY last minute, we were able to move the guy in the middle and steal the whole row again and take on our car seat!!!! Jackson wasn’t as eager to go down this time around. We were now facing Daylight Savings Time (a two hour difference) and flying during supper time. So…a few screams and he was finally down.

Love playing with this lil guy

 

We arrived in Minnesota exhausted and stressed to the max and decided we won’t be traveling for a little while. BUT the more we do it, the better it becomes. I will say that.

Spent most of our time on the deck!

 

Tweet

Read More